What To Do When You’re Bored
Boredom is a function of a lazy mind. Be the 11-year-old dancer in Sia’s “Chandelier” video equivalent of not-lazy.
1) Play hide-and-seek with your boss, but don’t tell her/him you guys are playing.
2) Pretend to steal things from a nearby store, get caught, then tell them you were just pretending! This will add a little bit of excitement to everyone’s day.
3) Put on all your winter gear and sit in the sun with a friend to see who can last the longest. (But make sure to stay hydrated.)
4) Tell everyone you just got acid in your eyes and see how they react.
5) Tell your mom you’re pregnant. (If you are pregnant, tell your mom you’re in love with a cat. If you are in love with a cat then #1, me too and hopefully it’s not the same one because, awkward, and #2 — hope you don’t have allergies!)
6) Go to a playground. Get on the swings. When children approach the swing next to you shout: “YOU WANT THE SWING? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE SWING.”
8) See how many people on the subway or bus you can get to sing along to a Bruno Mars song. Now is not the time to be a music elitist, by the way. Pick one everyone knows.
9) Pick your eyebrow until it is completely eliminated from your face. This is good for extended non-boredom: afterwards you’ll either be busy explaining that you’re promoting the beauty of asymmetry, or, you’ll be figuring out a source of fiber that is most similar to hair so you can glue it over your now-bald spot. If you’re still bored after this, try plucking the opposite eye’s lashes.
Ed note: Instead of gluing, sewing said fibrous materials will take a lot more time.
10) Stand in your lobby and tell everyone you’re lobbying for lobbyists.
11) Help us figure out the missing number, where it went, and what it possibly could have suggested to eliminate boredom.
12) BONUS ROUND! Count the number of toe hairs on the man to your left. Guess what, this is super fun to do if you followed #1 and you’re hiding under your boss’s desk.
You guys are weird. Bye!