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MR Crystal Ball: Kookoo for Kaftans

Not a trend, not not a trend

07.03.14

Where cargo shorts fail, barrettes never do and where barrettes meet defeat, kaftans, the magna-shatra holy grail hit more home-runs than Babe Ruth ever did during his tenure as a soccer player. (I’m kidding! I know Babe Ruth played hockey! Duh.)

Now, by the transitive property of geometry, you should be able to deduce the universal truth that barrettes > cargo shorts and kaftans > than barrettes so, kaftans are also > than cargo shorts, making them the best Man Repeller Crystal Ball subject since the inception of this installment. But why, right?

Technically speaking, The Row did show one with mules for Spring last season. The spring before that, Dries van Noten shared some too. Chanel echoed the concept (or is it created?) with its resort show last month in Dubai as did Naeem Khan, outside of the United Arab Emirates.

NY Mag’s The Cut ran a comical story earlier this summer on getting your body kaftan ready and included a diet plan that consisted primarily of oily pastries and dairy products — two forms of nourishment I can 11 out of 10 times get behind — which amounts for reason #2, the most important of the loot: eat what you want, be who you are and still look good. This snowballs into reason #3, which circumvents effortlessness. I’m weary to use this term but until we discover one that can replace it, I will ride the cliché bandwagon as often as Valencia-filtered images of fresh berry-bowls do.

Nothing says wet hot American summer like a) Christopher Meloni in denim cut-offs and b) the only structure of silhouette that is actually, by definition, easy. Say what you will about jean shorts or cotton tees but when push comes to sweat, neither of those garment actually keep you cool. Or comfortable. No. One hugs your FUPA harder than a donut does and the other will often create water rings under your arms which, yes, I suppose are artful subjectively. Still, I propose giving July a hearty dose of whoop-ass utilizing the only thing, save for an ice pop, that might mitigate your feeling like this:

I really like the ones coming out of Two New York but here are some other options should you, too, lack the Power Ranger setting on your air conditioner.

And as for the short of it:

By the way, kaftans > Cocoa Puffs, too.

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