Black Tie at a White Sneaker
How to wear a wedding dress to a supermarket and pluck the best zucchini blossoms! (JK this isn’t a Pinterest board. I know nothing about edible blossoms.)
Remember last month when Amelia was lamenting about wedding season and the bastardization of holidays weekends, telling you her RSVP was an affirmative “no” through the end of Labor Day weekend, yadi yadi ya?
The curmudgeon left off one very integral nuance that is as annoying as a no-expense-paid Memorial Day weekend wedding across the country. That is: what do you do when you’re a bridesmaid and have to buy a dress? You don’t particularly mind OR dis-mind the dress in question but can’t quite figure out how to wear post-matrimony, if, that is, you can wear it again at all.
What you’ll see in the above photos is by no stretch of the imagination a bridesmaid dress, though it could have been for at least two nuptial events which requested ivory gowns on members of the bridal party. I was neither a bridesmaid nor a groomsman at either of these events, but when I saw this Balenciaga dress from Nicolas Ghesquière’s last collection for the house languishing on a mannequin at Barneys seven months after its shelf life had run dry, I had to ask why it was there.
Incidentally, it was a mistake and you know what they say about mistakes, right? Very rarely that you get to own the mistake in question for but $300 when the asking price was so far north of that estimate anyone was bound to get a nosebleed trying to comprehend its location.
The thing of it is, what do you do with a white gown, right? Provided you’re not a bride or a bridesmaid at an ivory wedding? Maybe pair a straw hat with it and gladiator sandals? Or for good measure, a rainbow rubber choker? And some reflective lenses?
You can turn the hat on or off as you see fit and pretend to be a salsa dancing emoji OR you can not. That is totally up to you. But my verdict on this particular look is still out, so PUHLEEZ: impart your wisdom. Impart it and fart it and dart it and if you have to, shart it.