Because It’s Hot Outside

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July 7, 2014

And hot daaaaayum, you need something to wear.

If last week I was advocating for the importance of letting your shorts wear you and not the other way around (they are so easy! Don’t be lazy! Live a little!) with the conviction of one Hillary Rodham Clinton on the unofficial campaign trail, that is only because New York had not yet met its first 90 degree day. And as Esther astutely put it this morning, the city currently feels like a hot wet blanket, calling for air conditioners city wide to peak higher than Heidi Montag did in 2008.

So I’d like to retract that statement, but only temporarily — I continue to maintain that you haven’t lived until you’ve worn something as prosaic as a pair of cargo shorts and have still had experienced someone very earnestly question your sanity due to the surrounding accoutrements (floating device? Striped ass-blanket? The whole enchilada).

In place of it, I’ll propose this: do what you have to in order to make sure that should you find yourself feeling like this:

You can be of equal or greater — never ever less — comical value. I know I posted this video on Thursday but who’s to say that a classic YouTube clip can’t boast a shelf life that spectacularly exceeds the distance between but one meager holiday weekend?

Photographed above you’ll find first and foremost: an a-hole. Following that, you might see a white crop top by Rosie Assoulin which is effectively the most regal and highly glorified, stylistically manipulated bath sheet I will ever know, and Yves Saint Laurent shorts from the days that precede Mr. Slimane. Topshop and Free People do happen to have similar pairs of poppy flower shorts on tap right now. The sunglasses are Illesteva and the clogs are Swedish Hasbeens, which are on sale here.


May the most opportunely-sized foot win.