What Your Sunglasses Say About You

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June 3, 2014

In case your mouth is full and you can’t talk

When Anna Wintour was presenting Rihanna with her style icon of the year award last night at the CFDAs, she made an equal parts interesting and simple point about what makes a style icon iconic. She said that to be an icon is to be an engaging storyteller who uses clothes to tell his/her story.

This got me thinking about a truth that I have accepted as universal. The decisions we make when we get dressed in the morning inform a great deal about who we are beneath the clothes. And even if you are to reject fashion altogether, you’re still saying something by virtue of doing that.

More fascinating to me than the temporary tattoos we festoon our bodies with on a daily basis, though, might be the accoutrements that elevate and therefore punctuate our point of views, which brings me to the afternoon’s post on the bravura of summer accoutrements — sunglasses — and what a selected style may say about its wearer.

1) Starting with Asos’ white Jeepers Peepers sunglasses, which are being judged not on frame shape but on color: white frames are the flat-forms of the sunglasses world. While they are cool and connote a sense of Bowery-cool-kid, they don’t exactly flatter, but man do they look hipper than the prosthetic one you limped in on.

2) Are you a Gemini? Or are you a GeminEYE? Because your personality is split-as-fuck.

3) When’s the last time you went to bottomless brunch on a Sunday? Did you brunch? Or did you noun? How many babydoll dresses do you own? Do you or do you not (be honest, because Amelia does) do shots of fireball, listen to Taylor Swift, and filter street tulips in X-pro? Because if you do, you probably filter your aviators too.

4) Now, in the event you err on the side of aviator but prefer the oversize and plastic formation, you’re nostalgic for the days of Paris Hilton, you peaked in high school, you watch reruns of The Simple Life on netflix and have, at least once, mistaken a rat for your pet dog which made for a VERY awkward cuddle session.

5) Two words: Hello Kitty.

Three more words: is so cute.

6) If you’re a Clubmaster wearer, you must also be a club sandwich eater, which we’ve been able to discern based solely off the word “club.” Besides, anyone who enjoys a turkey+bacon+lettuce+tomato on rye x 2 in one bite definitely wears shades that could be mistaken for the festive toothpick that keeps the whole culinary partnership together.

7) And you’re the kind of woman who wears scalloped-edge cat eye frames, I don’t know, maybe you, too, miss Chloé‘s MacGibbon era. Bonus points if they’re white, which makes you a regular Wendy Peffercorn.

8) For the loudmouth who had too much to drink and suddenly needs a little disco nap but refuses to let a conversation end without her having the last word, these black & white frames say everything and nothing by simple virtue of how dizzying they are to look at.

9) If you live downtown but work at a hedge fund and find yourself in Bushwick on weekends to visit this girl you’re dating who works at a fashion blog and is a member of a co-op, you need these borough-transitional lenses in order to guide you from the LES to whatever hip place she bartends at.

10) The girl who wears these exaggerated cat-eye sunglasses is a little bit ironic (she wore Birkenstocks two summers ago) and lives across the bridge — hence the metal bridge detail — and probably wears a vintage fur coat in the summer. Do not, however, call her a hipster. She simply appreciates old-world glamour.

11) And as for the pink tiara sunglasses, you, my friend, are a YOLO dresser. Either that or permanently on your one-woman bachelorette weekend.

  • Paris Hilton

    This post is somewhat misleading. I was momentarily excited and then devastatingly crushed to find out The Simple Life is NOT on Netflix as stated in #4. That’s not hot.

    • Amelia Diamond

      I’m so sorry…uhmmmm…should we tweet @ netfilx?!?!?

  • Sarah Julia LeBlanc

    Sunglasses are the new shoes ie windows to the soul

  • GapToothedGirl

    Sunglasses are the new shoes??? Yeah!! Good to me!

    XOX, Gap.

    http://www.gaptoothedgirl.com

  • Aubrey Green

    I don’t really wear sunglasses, what does that say?! That I’m going to have wrinkles?

    • Amelia Diamond

      That you have eyes of steel! I can’t walk outside without them on!

      • Aubrey Green

        Well, I unfortunately don’t have x-ray vision. I have light colored eyes too, which I also think means you can get cataracts or something…basically, this just means I’m stupid for not protecting my eyes haha.

    • Leandra Medine

      No you have alien corneas thats all

      • Aubrey Green

        hahahaha

  • Shade of Red Blog

    Oh, stereotyping at its best! I love it!
    http://shadeofredblog.com

  • Gillian

    Yay for sunglasses weather! Have you come across the wooden sunglasses from Finlay & Co? I quite fancy a pair for the summer!

  • Jamie

    I wear round Ray Bans with pink lenses. Once a fourth grade boy complimented them. I most recently saw the same style on a dude that looked vaguely like The Dude, then on a sandwich in a painting. I don’t know what this says about me.

  • Andrea Cousiño Gonzalez

    me encantan esas gafas

    Te espero en mi blog

    http://lachicanoideal.blogspot.com.es

  • http://www.roseandfig.com/ Jess H.

    No. 3, also known as a WOOO! girl.

  • Ajnira Muminovic

    emmm, I lose my sunglasses all the time. I bet thats not a good thing :/

    majnira.com

  • Ago Prime
  • ni ni

    I lost 6 pairs last summer in a month. Now I feel like I don’t deserve a good pair, or any for that matter.

    • Lyric

      I only buy Target/ Buffalo Exchange shades because of my horrible habit of losing/scratching pairs.

  • http://adeliberateimagination.wordpress.com/ CJKEYS2

    omg I think I am 3 and 4………………………………

  • ee_by_cc

    Now with the upcoming launch of the DVF Google Glass collection, we’ve got something else to add into the mix. Yay or nay on those? Drop me a line on the blog where we’re featuring them today.

    http://www.enduringethereal.com

  • Elizabeth Pullan

    Me, I’m in my Francis Klein Livie shades, old black Birkenstocks, tromping around the garden in rural North Carolina with the intent to repel… pests #10, you got me.

  • Chrissiana

    Desperately need new sunglasses – saving up for Bulgari :O

  • http://www.margojewelry.com Margo

    OMG SUNGLASSES. I LOOOOOOOve sun glasses. I have a pair to go with every outfit. No eye make up needed. You can be a master of discise, a femme fetalle. When I wear my turquoise mirrored lenses, I can stare at people without them knowing. It’s almost like wearing a mask http://www.margojewelry.com

  • Adrianna Grężak

    I frequently wear a free pair that I received at an NYU alumni event – so mine say that I’m bragging about where I went to college.

  • Amyzz

    I LOVE CLUB SANDWICHES

  • esion lin
  • http://www.naplessunglasses.com Brian Schoedel

    Regardless if you have epic beauty, a clubbing douche bag or a solid man’s man. Pick out 2-3 classic sunglasses that match your face shape. The rest will take care of itself http://www.naplessunglasses.com/blogs/blog/13780059-fabulous-sunglasses-for-your-face-shape

  • john

    hot deal, sunglass at beach

  • john
  • http://www.naplessunglasses.com Brian Schoedel

    Give me a pair of classic Aviators or some nice black frame sunglasses and I’m set for the beach. http://www.naplessunglasses.com