What Your Sunglasses Say About You
In case your mouth is full and you can’t talk
When Anna Wintour was presenting Rihanna with her style icon of the year award last night at the CFDAs, she made an equal parts interesting and simple point about what makes a style icon iconic. She said that to be an icon is to be an engaging storyteller who uses clothes to tell his/her story.
This got me thinking about a truth that I have accepted as universal. The decisions we make when we get dressed in the morning inform a great deal about who we are beneath the clothes. And even if you are to reject fashion altogether, you’re still saying something by virtue of doing that.
More fascinating to me than the temporary tattoos we festoon our bodies with on a daily basis, though, might be the accoutrements that elevate and therefore punctuate our point of views, which brings me to the afternoon’s post on the bravura of summer accoutrements — sunglasses — and what a selected style may say about its wearer.
1) Starting with Asos’ white Jeepers Peepers sunglasses, which are being judged not on frame shape but on color: white frames are the flat-forms of the sunglasses world. While they are cool and connote a sense of Bowery-cool-kid, they don’t exactly flatter, but man do they look hipper than the prosthetic one you limped in on.
3) When’s the last time you went to bottomless brunch on a Sunday? Did you brunch? Or did you noun? How many babydoll dresses do you own? Do you or do you not (be honest, because Amelia does) do shots of fireball, listen to Taylor Swift, and filter street tulips in X-pro? Because if you do, you probably filter your aviators too.
4) Now, in the event you err on the side of aviator but prefer the oversize and plastic formation, you’re nostalgic for the days of Paris Hilton, you peaked in high school, you watch reruns of The Simple Life on netflix and have, at least once, mistaken a rat for your pet dog which made for a VERY awkward cuddle session.
5) Two words: Hello Kitty.
Three more words: is so cute.
6) If you’re a Clubmaster wearer, you must also be a club sandwich eater, which we’ve been able to discern based solely off the word “club.” Besides, anyone who enjoys a turkey+bacon+lettuce+tomato on rye x 2 in one bite definitely wears shades that could be mistaken for the festive toothpick that keeps the whole culinary partnership together.
7) And you’re the kind of woman who wears scalloped-edge cat eye frames, I don’t know, maybe you, too, miss Chloé’s MacGibbon era. Bonus points if they’re white, which makes you a regular Wendy Peffercorn.
8) For the loudmouth who had too much to drink and suddenly needs a little disco nap but refuses to let a conversation end without her having the last word, these black & white frames say everything and nothing by simple virtue of how dizzying they are to look at.
9) If you live downtown but work at a hedge fund and find yourself in Bushwick on weekends to visit this girl you’re dating who works at a fashion blog and is a member of a co-op, you need these borough-transitional lenses in order to guide you from the LES to whatever hip place she bartends at.
10) The girl who wears these exaggerated cat-eye sunglasses is a little bit ironic (she wore Birkenstocks two summers ago) and lives across the bridge — hence the metal bridge detail — and probably wears a vintage fur coat in the summer. Do not, however, call her a hipster. She simply appreciates old-world glamour.