You know what sucks about bikini season? Other than the invariable wax that comes with it?
The fact that, if you, like me, hate spending money on water-resistant loin cloths, we’re shit out of luck when poolside. Last weekend, I kept shorts and a t-shirt on all day Saturday and you know what I look like now?
A butt farmer.
Do you know what a butt farmer is?
Me neither, really, but it sounds funny. My point is this: bathing suits can be expensive and it’s frustrating to spend money on them when technically speaking, they’re covered for the most part when you wear them. And if we’re considering how frequently they’re worn, consider this: if you live in a city, they’re only really applicable on weekends — unless you’re jobless, in which case, they’re even more expensive — for two months a year — unless you travel a lot in which case, I’m grunting at you.
So I propose we figure out how to repurpose our bathing suits to make a little more sense (though not too much sense — that is never the end goal) outside the confines of a beach or a pool.
Above you’ll find three propositions. The first includes a white mens shirt which you can get from just about anywhere (though I really like the female versions from Everlane), tied at the waist and left open at the chest, an old Stella McCartney skirt and a vaguely marigold bathing suit top that could be a bra if you’re on acid. It also must be asked:
Would you dance, if I asked you to dance?
All hail Enrique, AM I RIGHT?
By tying the blouse and leaving it unbuttoned, I’m concealing the bathing suit top enough for it not to look like I’m wearing a bathing suit under workwear but still offer a sliver of surprise if you catch me from a diagonal angle. Also great for happy hour when you want to let down your hair and take off your shirt.
In approximation #2, I forgo pants all together in the name of a black one-piece strategically worn over a perwinkle-ish high waist underwear, which if you look at quickly then look away, might make me appear as though I have an interesting sun burn in an even more interesting region. Worn over the bathing suit is a utility vest from Club Monaco that conceals my ass for the post-lunch digestion and some green Superga sneakers that are satin and incidentally made by me, for YOU.
This seems like a really appropriate outfit for a board meeting.
And finally, in look #3, I take my scalloped edge bandeau bikini top, place it over a white t-shirt (this one is T by Alexander Wang), pair it with a pair of grey micro-culottes or maxi shorts and a black blazer to sartorially officiate girls night. Who’s bringing the tweezers?
Photos by Krista Anna Lewis
Intrigued by the wide-legged mystery of the culotte? Check out J.Crew’s contribution here.
To better get in the Bikini Zone, check out our comprehensive Swimstagram post, and check out more ways to wear bikini tops in place of real tops! It’s always good to stay hydrated at the beach, so it’s best you check out our comprehensive summer wine guide.