Where Are They Now?

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April 30, 2014

What would Regina, Cady, Gretchen and Karen wear today? Plus! A sneak peek at Janis and Damian (Do I sound like Us Magazine?)

I think that “looking both ways” was the most important message to come from the movie Mean Girls. It’s true that there are plenty of other obvious themes from which our society can benefit: accepting others for who they are, female empowerment, respect, understanding self-worth, learning that words have power, that Kalteen bars make you gain weight, that butter isn’t a carb, and of course, the meaning of true friendship — but had it not been for the film’s street safety PSA, some of us may not be here today to read and/or write this.

School buses, it turns out, are the real Mean Girls.

Never has that fact been clearer than this morning when Leandra almost got hit by a bus. What’s strange if not absolutely serendipitous is that today marks the official ten year anniversary of the most-quoted teen movie in history, and while drinking our coffee in the projection room above the auditorium discussing how weird it was that Leandra almost lost her shins, we received another piece of news: 2014 also commemorates the tenth year that VH1’s hit show Where Are They Now has been off the air. Which is simply to say — you can’t get what we’re about give you anywhere else.

So, VH1 mourners and Mean Girls enthusiasts, unite, because we know where Regina George, Cady Heron, Gretchen Wieners, Karen Smith, Janis Ian and Damian (just Damian) are now.

Regina-George

Regina George has aged out of her silver Lexus and now travels via private jet. Instead of Fendi purses, she totes Saint Laurent purses, and has replaced her love of velour track suits for expensive yoga pants. She’s the editrix of a women’s fashion magazine in Japan where the majority of her daily wardrobe is straight up Versace. This is a gig she worked her way up to after attending college on a lacrosse scholarship.

Cady-heron1

Cady Heron became a photographer for National Geographic. Because she’s constantly traveling, her closet has become a tightly edited selection of comfortable flats, white shirts and loose trousers — her favorite of which are Céline. Cady’s “thing” is buying a new bracelet in every country she visits, and her favorite band is still Ladysmith Black Mambazo.

Gretchen-Wieners

Gretchen Wieners left the Cool Asian clique once high school ended and joined three different sororities in college. After graduating, she moved to Williamsburg where she adopted a new group of friends called The Hipsters, and a uniform of high waisted denim, ’90s shirts, flatforms, boater hats and John Lennon sunglasses. She’s brought back the hoop earrings and started a sustainable clothing line. It’s called “Fetch.”

Karen-Smith

Karen Smith graduated cum laude from Harvard and went on to get her PHD from Yale, where she is now a professor in meteorology. Her wardrobe is a combination of A-line skirts, blouses and sweater vests with waist belts, but it’s less “librarian” and far more Michael Kors. Her boobs can still tell when it’s raining.

Janis-Ian

Janis Ian had her style nailed early on, but her current status as a premier gallery owner and world-renowned artist has allowed for an abundance of Junya Watanabe and Comme des Garçons. She’s still loyal to her old Doc Martens (although Balenciaga boots make a regular appearance) and her collection of flannels rivals that of Jared Leto’s as a man or woman.

Damian

Damian interned at W during college then landed a job at GQ where he currently works for both print and web. He wears a lot of GANT, cuffs all of his pants, loves trendy sneakers and carries a sharp canvas tote with leather detailing. His signature item is a pair of custom cuff links engraved with the number “4,” made by Chanel. You know. As in Coco.

Wendylol

And last but not least, we can’t forget Wendy. Wendy skipped college and moved to Montana where she became a billionaire after her Kickstarter for turning her dad’s old tools into mustard became the most successful start up in history. Yes, even more so than Facebook.

Wait, who’s Wendy?

SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE.

Illustrations by Charlotte Fassler

  • K

    I googled wendy from mean girls before finishing reading. Should’ve seen that coming!
    Amusing as always :)

    • Violet Baudelaire

      I did the same! Hahaha.

  • Michelle Glassow Schroll

    This is perfect!

    http://glassow.com

  • Bnii

    hahahhahahh…. I was just thinking “where was Wendy?” LOL

  • http://www.alexiskletjian.com ALEXIS KLETJIAN

    Hilarious. A must a share!
    alexiskletjian.com

  • Irene Laura
  • Eilidh Jayne Cairnie

    I love this! Seeing it is Wednesday, i’m so glad there not all wearing pink!

  • Quinn Halman

    This is amazing. I especially love how Gretchen can FINALLY wear those hoops

  • Krystal Smith

    Gretchen gets to wear hoops yay!

  • Esmé

    Gosh, you totally got me with the Wendy-part.

  • Liz

    The description of Gretchen Wieners is also the story of 99% of williamsburg and bushwick residents.

  • liz

    This is so good. Too good, maybe. But what happened to Aaron Samuels? Without him, the entire point of Mean Girls (limit) does not exist!!! See what I did there, ehh? Do you think his hair still looks sexy pushed back? Has he fallen victim to male pattern baldness?! Things are not looking good for ole’ Aaron when I am left to my own devices.

    • Amelia Diamond

      No I think Aaron’s hair definitely still looks sexy pushed back, and I feel like he’d be a really legit soccer dad.

      • Ching Vilar

        And Glen Coco!

        • Rebeka Osborne

          Yeah! What about Glen Coco? Is he still wildly popular?

      • Quinn Halman

        Amelia Diamond, you are gosh darn golden

      • liz

        Thank you so much for clearing that up. Good to know that he didn’t peak at the Spring Fling.

  • Jorden

    I was thinking, “Who the fuck is Wendy?”. Hahaha.

  • Grandyy

    Ahh Love it she made FETCH happen!

  • Kelsey

    Amazing!

  • http://pinksole.com/ Rachelle

    This is awesome :)

  • yuka

    sooo goooood!!!

    wendy? she doesnt even go here!

    http://www.prettyinleather.net

  • A

    Wait Karen was really dumb and said she was failing all her classes as a junior. How did she get into Harvard?

    • Amelia Diamond

      her SAT scores were secretly off-the-charts amazing!

      • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

        Ewww I hate that test.

  • http://thenouvelliste.com kate

    the limit of how much these illustration posts amuse me does not exist!

    thenouvelliste.com

    • http://www.anativeblonde.com/ Jess H.

      …The limit does not exist. That’s it. The limit does not exist!

      Er, sorry.

  • http://www.lezu.com/ L’ezu

    Hilarious! Such a classic film, cannot believe it has been 10 years… http://www.LEZU.com

  • Megan

    Where is Glen Coco??

    • Amelia Diamond

      He’s still the most popular person ever.

      • http://www.anativeblonde.com/ Jess H.

        Grool.

  • Donna

    This is so fetch! I do agree that Regina has no other place than Japan and wearing on Versace. I can’t believe it’s been 10 years, I’m old.

    This great film inspired the name for my blog!

    xoDonna
    http://www.soyouagree.com

  • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

    I’ve never seen this movie. :/

    • Charlotte Fassler

      EMMA!

      • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

        I know Charlotte, I KNOW! I’ve also never set foot in a Costco, which is apparently a rite of passage to many.

        But I did thoroughly enjoy this post, so I guess you could say that it was appealing to all folks, versed or not in the world of this film, er, movie.

        • Charlotte Fassler

          WATCH IT NOWWWW!!

  • Alex SotoA

    I totally googled Wendy before I read the last part hahaha
    Completely random pictures appeared, by the way

  • Megan Radatz

    I loved this.

  • pamb

    Ummm, those of us who are Old were quoting Sixteen Candles, Risky Business, The Breakfast club and St. Elmo’s Fire constantly. I think each generation quotes the teen movie that means the most to them. So, those are probably the most quoted teen movies in MY history;) For guys, it was probably Caddyshack and Ghostbusters. I know, not set in high school, but teen movies nonetheless.

    • Amelia Diamond

      I also quote “Sixteen Candles, Risky Business, The Breakfast club and St. Elmo’s Fire” etc constantly!! And the Outsiders. And Pretty in Pink.

  • Sabrina

    If the Mean Girls characters would be real people I truly believe that Derek Blasberg would be the adult Damien and Janis Ian could be Marina Abramovic.

  • http://Glamorousrevelation.blogspot.com Munachi

    This post is great! I love Where Are They Now pieces but this is by far my favorite. Who knew Karen and Wendy had such great potential ;) I bet Gretchen has gone vegan save strawberry toaster strudels and is in the process of bringing back blue icing for the wild berry boxes. And Damian… Oh Damian.

    GlamorousRevelation.blogspot.com

  • Riley O’Donnell

    Did Kevin G’s business card really speak the truth? Did he grow up to become an even bigger “Math Enthusiast/Bad-Ass M.C.?!

    • Amelia Diamond

      He sure did!

  • morena m

    What about Kevin Gnapoor (aka math enthusiast and bad-ass M.C.) ?

  • http://dressupwithlola.com/ Lola

    i was seriously like….hang on…is there a character from mean girls i DON’T remember…this can’t be possible lol

    love this post, can’t believe it’s been 10 years, nuts

  • Tina

    These pictures are ridiculously brilliant. I love them. LOVE.

  • D▴NIΞL FR▴NZΞSΞ

    Nice Work. I am actually wearing Phillip Lim shoes right now and you creeped me out a bit. That was great. You go Glen Coco.

  • Martine

    This is perfect.

  • bong
  • Roxana

    Hahaha, perfect!!
    http://www.buzzfeed.com/kristenc52/mean-girls-art-history-snapchats-are-grool-n2is#2932404
    here’s a fun article related to mean girls :)