Olsens Identified

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by Guest Writer
April 3, 2014
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Style: Elusive

Written by Carlye Wisel

I want to be comfortable at all times, but not attainably so; just toeing the line between day five Burning Man attendee dreaming of a shower and a Comme des Garçon obsessive overpaying for daily bedsheets.

I want to “embalm myself in swathes of black fabric,” as so elegantly worded by a British newspaper rag.

I want the feet of my grandfather, cold and wide and ready to trek across a linoleum floor sans discomfort all at once.

I want a scarf so long that it could double as a wrap-it-your-own-way bridesmaid dress.

I want either the patience to wait in line at an outbound Starbucks prior to hopping in a vehicle heading towards home, or the deep sense of serenity that would allow me to drink a hot beverage prior to entering airport security and promptly depositing four dollars and fifty cents in frothed milk in the trash receptacle.

I want a purse that magically fits my laptop and all of my nonsense, because I’m so fancy that my bags are probably currently being flown individually to my destination in advance of my leaving, all so I don’t have to lift a satchel that isn’t made of crocodile skin.

I want sunglasses so large they cover the fact that I’m as pale as the day is long, even if I have the bone structure of a beautiful albino bird.

I want to wear so many layers of ebony and midnight blue that I feel like I rolled myself up in a taco of dark fleece that in turn looks like a casual, fantastic fashion statement.

And most importantly, I want to be followed by a ghost of myself, dressed the same from the Achilles tendon upwards, only with more foresight for sun protection.

mkandasplashnews

Ah, that’s it.

Image via Ron Asadorian/Splash News

REPLIES
  • Lia

    No thoughts, just laughter!
    Thanks

  • stephanie

    I wanted that slide show to never end. I’m concerned by how long I could look at photos of them and never tire.

    • http://insertwth.com/ Denisse

      Agreed. When the slideshow came to end, I was feeling a little deflated!

    • Natalie

      Agree never tire!

  • http://yourdoseofcoffee.co lulu

    Wow – they changed so much!

  • Michelle Glassow Schroll

    Amazingly written, it’s so true!

  • Chrissabella

    Another amazing post and it really doesn’t get any cooler than the Olsen twins, does it!

    http://chrissabella.blogspot.com

  • lisa robb
  • http://brianaaugustina.com Briana Augustina

    I love this post–such a unique writing style with creative comparisons and of course, who can go wrong with Mary Kate and Ashley aka Michelle from Full House

    http://brianaaugustina.com

  • Bird

    Time for the daily Olsens Anon stalking. Thanks for reminding me!!

  • Ruth

    …with birkies on my feet. *sigh*

  • Quinn Halman

    Only they could make socks in Birkenstocks look good.

    • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

      ……are you saying that I cannot……..

      • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

        (the above was me)

        (and I agree, only they make it look kewl)

        • http://AwkwardCity.com/ Carlye Wisel

          It’s like, what kind of black magic are they invoking to look so good in my overnight camp counselor uniform, you know?!

          • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

            Yeah this look has been a personal wardrobe statement for a while but it looks dorky/matronly NOT cool, and they just make shit look so damn easy.

    • Guest

      Are you saying that I cannot

  • sofia

    i can’t wait to add every one of these photos to my pinterest. thanks for saving me a google search!!

  • erin

    perpetually chic, thin and completely insane. oh to be an olsen

  • girlinmenswear

    The Olsen twins will forever by my style icons. If I could only hide my bronzer, my Haribo and my conditioner, I might actually have a chance of channeling a touch of their cool….Nope, actually scratch that. I don’t stand a chance.

    http://www.girlinmenswear.com

  • Ajnira Muminovic
  • The Pink Innuendo

    I love them. They are so stylish.xo

    THE PINK INNUENDO

  • Rika Soeharjono

    ohmahgaaad, they’re so cool.
    And that is so fantastically written, some good giggles for the morning.

    quefaitelle.blogspot.com

  • Francisc

    This is so true!

    http://fashion-soup.com/

  • AP

    I really love the Olsen twins and their sense of style. Although I like the way they dress now, sometimes I really miss their style circa 2007, and MK’s Balenciaga Harness Boots, and Balenciaga Platform Sandals and Chanel Gladiator Boots…. And also plaid shirts, white tees and leather pants and skirts. And everything else. I just love to look at old photos of them for hours and drool. Yup… I may have a problem

  • Rosy

    hahaha I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING

  • LilyP

    They are so, and always have been, always will be, eternally creepy.

  • Maura

    Whenever I see them I think, “poor little rich girls”. Joyless. They never smile!

  • http://stylecontext.com/ Style Context

    Ugh too funny. The last sentence is the best.

  • Tamara

    I hope they get along as well as they appear to in their photos. What a nice way to go through life! And oh, yeah, I would happily wear any or all of the featured outfits…

  • Courtney

    Oh god this cuts to the core of me! Hilarrrrrious.

  • Tina Marie NYC

    Wow! Very well written and ACCURATE! I have always loved their style!

  • Perry

    The slideshow was NOT LONG ENOUGH!

  • Nicole B.

    God I seriously admire their sense of style. They can pull off anything – so envious!

  • http://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/ Newborn Fanatic

    I want to raid their wardrobe. Everything black please.

    http://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com

  • Coolallure

    The Olsen twins are making themselves a Name to Remember from this post.

  • Marissa Luck

    The perfect combination of beauty & humor (in your writing). Loved it. Thank you.

  • http://www.clippingimages.com/ Clippingimages

    Commendable photography blogs indeed. Love them all.

    http://www.fotoclipping.com/services/

  • Paz

    This was VERY awesome<3

  • http://ggconfidential.com/ Eve

    Beyond the shadow of the doubt, either this is the most poetic thing I’ve read today aside from Pablo Neruda, or I’m becoming oversensitive the the power of words that seems to elude me these days.

  • Elliot Mendoza

    I am absolutely, undeniable, i love with the Olsens.

  • Melissa

    omg love them! there is literally always something in their hands

  • bong
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