Your Dance Moves, My Heart

A study shows us that dancing may reveal more than just the motion of a man's ocean

dariajakevogue A good wedding date is incredibly hard to find — more elusive, I’d argue, than the mythical, perfect man. The number one definer of a good wedding date is pure fact: he has to dance. That he dance well, however, is not a requirement. You’ve got to pick your battles in life (and getting a guy to attend a wedding with you is akin to the Battle of Gettysburg) so if he’s willing to get on the linoleum floor to shake the cake that the good lord gave him, then fine. I’m happy. No complaints.

On the other hand, should this wedding be the determining moment wherein you decide if you’re actually attracted to your date, he’s going to need some very specific moves. The Washington Post reported on a recent study by the researchers at Northumbria University and the University of Gottingen that pinpointed “what women want on the dance floor” in regards to choosing a mate. Let’s review this graphic together:

hipsdontlie Right. So first I would just like to say thank you to the evolutionary scientists that are spending their time researching d-floor magic. I truly mean that. Next, I would like to point out that this graphic makes absolutely no sense to me (apparently it makes no sense to them either judging by the large purple question-mark above figure c’s head), as it demonstrates nothing other than that “ability” is attributed to a wobbling, drunken hot dog with possible joint pain in his knee.

Luckily, video visuals were provided as well, probably created using one of those XBox programs that somehow track your moves. The “scientists” gave male participants a singular drum beat and somehow came up with these two spectrums. Let’s watch together.

Here’s a “Good Dancer”:

And here’s the “Bad Dancer”:

But what the study failed to take into consideration is actual song choice! Remember, the researchers only provided them with a singular drum beat. The means like — bump, bump, bump, bump. What about melody? What about the words? What about about the chorus? I thought this was science! Let’s watch again, but this time with music.

Good dancer: (Click play but watch the dancing man video below. Do not get distracted by Chevy Chase.)
(Repeat video until song ends.)

Now stop the first track, and listen to this Drake song while watching Bad Dancer:
(Again, repeat video until song ends.)

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

While our “Good Dancer” still looks awesome, our “Bad Dancer” is suddenly portrayed as though he’s got some nice, casual moves. He’s not showing off, which is great if you don’t want Center-of-the-Party-Guy.

Also, Drake is really hard to dance to! “Bad Dancer” nailed it! Doesn’t this freaky figure with a Ken Doll torso suddenly seem to have — dare I say it – swag? In disproving this scientific theory, I’ve simply re-underlined my very first point that for a man be an above-average wedding date, he simply has to dance. And to be considered for life-partnership? He just needs the right song.

Sorry science. Drake wins again. Happy Hump Day! 

(And if you find any other songs that add further evidence that any dancing is good dancing, let us know.)

Image via Vogue

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Thoughts?
  • lisahart

    Hahaha you’re the best. This is awesome.
    http://lisahart.tumblr.com

  • http://adeliberateimagination.wordpress.com/ CJKEYS2

    hahahaha. this.post. the bad dancer is cracking me up. i have a wedding in june i need a date for (hi boiz) and i’m now thinking about holding auditions. Thanks Amelia!!!

  • http://www.sabrinaslnyc.com/ SabrinaSL Nyc

    just made my day! Love the bad dancer move though!

    http://www.sabrinaslnyc.com/blogs/lookbook

  • Aubrey Green

    I’m pretty sure that they just took Will Smith’s dance moves in that movie, “Hitch” – I think that’s the name…or possibly other movies, etc of his.

    I loved reading this regardless :).

  • Melissa

    After I got over being distracted by Chevy Chase (he looks so young) I realized that this is awesome. And that my husband dances like the bad dancer (when I can actually get him to dance). I guess I will just have to request Drake at whatever wedding we go to. Oh and I could see the Bad Dancer video working with Snoop’s “Drop it Like it’s Hot”

  • Kate

    So, like…. Carlton?

  • http://fashionmusingsdiary.blogspot.fr/ Miss J.

    Now we know how to spot great partners! ;)

    http://fashionmusingsdiary.blogspot.fr

  • Emily

    That was the best internet I’ve seen in months

  • Blake

    Hilarious and thought-provoking. Great post!

    http://urbanoutfitting.blogspot.com/

  • Elisa Taviti

    Cool post!!

    xoxo, Elisa
    My Fantabulous World

  • V from The Drasticaly Blog

    I don’t know about the whole good dancer theory, usually the guys with the best moves are jerks. So, ideally, we’d want someone with SOME moves, maybe not all, but some!
    http://www.thedrasticallyblog.blogspot.com

  • http://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/ Newborn Fanatic

    LOL almost made it in the bad dancer category.

    http://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com

  • Sylvie

    Totally distractd by Chevy Chase…and thoroughly enjoyed myself! Thanks Leandra for a great post!

  • Lauren

    so apparently im a good dancer but only when particular music is being played haha
    sayyestobadthings.blogspot.com

  • Joan

    This is fabulous! When “You Can Call Me AL” came out, my older brother saw the video and was CONVINCED that Chevy Chase sang the song. Classic.

  • http://disqus.com/ Sam Parker

    Best point: Weddings are all about the dancing.

    • http://disqus.com/ Steve Roy

      If you can’t bust moves at a wedding, then where can ya?

      • http://disqus.com/ Sam Parker

        True story.

  • Tracy

    This is so funny!

    http://fashion-soup.com/

  • Rich Girls

    This made my fucking day. You falsified a theory with straight up scientific method. On a fashion blog. Best post EVER.

  • http://www.looksharpsconnie.com/ Look Sharp Sconnie

    this could be a blog on its own

  • Allie

    This is one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen. Genius. You guys are amazing.

  • Wind-up bird

    Now time for a study on women’s moves! I need to evaluate this area of my life.

  • Kristen

    this is genius

  • Erika

    Love this. Also, I totally got sucked in by Chevy Chase. SO HANDSOME WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER!!!

  • http://www.madelienerose.com Madeliene Rose

    hey, everyone’s a good dancer…in their dreams or in their room! http://www.madelienerose.com

  • christinaoo

    it’s a good time to pull this out, no?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UJ9K8lMxPA

    oo-meows.blogspot.com

    • Amelia Diamond

      it is always a good time to pull this out.

  • Olivia

    Bad dancer is skanking, which is a Londoners term for casually enjoying non upbeat dance and rap music. It works for looking cool at parties.

  • Sartorial Revenge

    THIS.
    WAS.
    FANTASTIC!

    http://www.sartorial-revenge.com