Just like DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince sang, parents just don’t understand fashion week. It’s about as foreign to our moms and dads as a cucumber farm on Mars, and who can blame them? Fashion week is fucking weird. Nothing makes sense, starting with the fact that even though it’s called fashion “week” it spans so much longer.
Because they tend to ask us the same things twice a year, every year, Leandra and I thought it would be nice to put together a definitive list of that which parents need to know. Print it out, tape it to the fridge, slip it in their pockets or email it to them when they start asking you too many questions — any way you choose to do it, we hope this helps.
— Shows almost always start 20 minutes late, so if you’re going to a 5 PM show, it’s totally acceptable to leave at 5 to get there “on time.” (Except for Marc Jacobs. That show is prompt as fuq.)
— Don’t pick your nose in public because you never know whose street style photo you might be accidentally bombing.
— It takes about 20 minutes to get to a show with traffic, 15 minutes minimum for the crowd to sit down, 10 more for the photographers to back away from Joe Jonas, and it’s all for a spectacle that’s going to last 7 minutes.
— Once the designer takes his closing bow everyone jumps up and runs out the door like their seats are on fire. Understandable, since they have a show in 4 minutes. But like we just said, that show won’t start until 20 minutes after it’s scheduled, so everyone is panicking and bottlenecking for no reason. Just stay calm and look for the stairs.
— Everyone is incredibly dressed up, even though when push comes to shove it’s just another day of work. It’s partially because of the street style photographers, or in other words, paparazzi for non-famous people. This is our equivalent of wearing a tie and jacket because the boss is in the office that day.
— Often you will see people change their outfits several times throughout the course of the day. This is may be because they are getting paid to wear what they’re wearing, or they are providing photographers with substantial street style fodder. It’s also possible they just hated their outfit or were wearing a scratchy sweater and needed to switch it up.
— “Who IS that person getting photographed? Are they The Beatles?” Sometimes a bunch of photographers will surround one person, creating a frenzy of other photographers who join in out of fear that they could be potentially missing something.
— If you’re going to a show anywhere other than Lincoln Center, it’s best to avoid the actual location by car and just walk the extra blocks. You’ll get there faster.
— Front row is typically reserved for fashion’s heavy weights, the big buyers, celebrities, children on laps, individuals with large social followings, and Joe Jonas. Sometimes you’ll see someone with a huge shopping bag or a rotary telephone instead of a purse. You’ve never seen them in your life and you’re wondering how they got that spot. Chances are, they’re a seat crasher. A rare, brave breed of ballsy fashion students or tourists who wandered in off the street. Mom, this could be you if you play your cards right.
— Your communication skills will be compromised by the conversations you will not have to, but want to participate in. You’ll find yourself speaking such layman words as, “everything,” “moment,” “chartreuse,” and “so good, right?”
— The most important thing to understand about fashion week is this: Instagram or it didn’t happen. Oh, you “SAW” the streaker at Prabal? Well if you didn’t get a picture and post it to the ‘gram, no one will believe you.
And if you get sick from not wearing a coat? Joke’s on you, mothafucka. Only the strong survive.
(JK! We’d never say muthafucka to our parents. But still, no coat = your journey.)