*The hottest nightclub is Noah’s Ark. This place has got everything: yellow-chested parrots inside platinum-headed human bird cages, a topless centaur with the legs of a zebra, baby chickens, and a woman who gives birth to a kangaroo every time you blink.
When you get there, check your coat and receive a monkey who will hang out on your back all night. Giant snails climb up on walls and you can ride them around like you’re in a trolly in the belly of Gringotts, and instead of getting an umbrella in your drink you’re handed a live tortoise with turtles on their back, but careful, they bite worse than the sneetahs. A sneetah is that thing where a sand cheetah pops out of random doors and the sand pours out and the cheetah tries to rip your face off.
There’s also a horse with a conjoined human twin in a floral dress, and everyone wears lemurs on their heads. Life is the dance floor, dog is the deejay, and last but not least, you can get a lap dance from an alligator named Patricia for a million dollars.
Play the song below, put on your favorite pair of sunglasses made from live butterflies, and get ready because it’s almost Saturday night.