Hitting Social Rock Bottom

by Leandra Medine
November 14, 2013
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Started from the bottom, I’m still here

socialrockbottom

Hitting rock bottom blows chunks. It infers that you’ve lost everything — your job, your family, your liquor license. But even in spite of being forced to involuntarily find yourself swimming in the depths of an all-time low, it can be argued that one thing shall and will, by the power vested in your poise, remain intact. And that is your dignity. In the event you have not sold it for drugs or a Spice Girl barbie, sometimes all you will need is a secure sense of personal decorum to get back on that saddle and giddy the fuck up.

When you hit social rock bottom though, you’re sailing (sinking?) on a different wrecked ship. Your finances may still be in tact, namely because you haven’t lost your job (sometimes, in fact, a social rock bottom could come in the wake of a promotion) and your family is definitely still loitering around your cosmos, made clear by the constant, badgering phone calls from your mother, that serve as a reminder to call your father, who is permanently offended that you’ve forgotten his birthday which, by the way, you did not. It was seven months ago and you bought him cufflinks, dammit.

But which one is worse?

You don’t have to answer that.

You do, however, have to acknowledge that contrariwise to Drake’s fervently popular lyric — the one that cantillates in tandem with a bunch of crazy-ass white pigeons exploding out of a stretched limo about starting at the bottom but then getting “here” (where is here, you know what I mean?) — the details of our own basements will always keep us grounded, and therefore at the very bottom that the Canadian rapper has escaped.

Take my social rock bottoms for example. They occur every Saturday night when I, a 24-year-old New Yorker, get home from dinner, take off my clothes, brush my teeth, wash my face and get into bed, grade of excitement almost offensive, to catch the night’s new episode of Saturday Night Live. When I turn on my TV, though — and this happens every single week — it’s only 10PM, which means I’ve got another hour-and-change to burn oil that certainly does not belong to midnight. Did I mention I am 24 and therefore fantastic at masking hangovers? What does the future hold for a woman who has forfeited her right to dive bars at the apex of her tender twenties? And furthermore, when will I learn that I don’t have to rush home for SNL at SUNSET O’CLOCK ON A WEEKEND?

Here’s another one that comes from a far more adventurous plane as imagined by a close friend, of another close friend, who has become the sexy selfie cognoscente. I’ve never seen anyone pool together so many dates with the mere camera click of an iPhone. Not even on Tinder. So picture this: she’s laying in bed, sending rapid fire text messages to a man she’s been coquetting. They are both typing, “baby, oh baby” at that pace that makes older people quip the same exact joke every single time: “Your fingers are gonna fall off typin’ that fast!”

Make no mistake about the context of their communication, though. Their exchange is chock full of additional defamations I will omit.

“Send a picture,” he finally begs.

“Fine,” she concedes, and so she gets up from her bed to pose in front of a skinny floor mirror leaning on the wall facing a window, in her bedroom.

“Hahaha,” he says back once she has finally sent it. And she is livid. Why in the name of Victoria’s Secret’s recently departed fashion show would he laugh at her suggestive pose and the coy sideboob she managed to relay without selling the whole cow?

“What’s with the underwear?” he writes again. And then she sees it: a besmirched, yellow-stained underpinning in the corner of the selfie.

Social rock bottom, folks.

But it keeps us grounded! So in the spirit of oversharing, please tell me all about yours.

Illustration by Charlotte Fassler
REPLIES
  • Samantha

    Spending 10-15 minutes crafting the perfect text to the person you’re lusting after only to receive a dismissive, uninterested one word answer reply.

    0 Likes on an Instagram post.

    • Lo

      yuuuuuuup

      • Sarah Braden

        relateable

    • Leandra Medine

      the one I omitted was sending a blanket text message to every single family member of mine who lives in NYC (grandmother included) to ask if anyone wants to hang out only to get 16 finite no’s in a row.

      • Samantha

        It’s fine.

        One time I left my phone at home during the workday and panicked for the entire 8 hours I was without it.

        Ultimately:

        1 Missed Call: Nana & Papa home

        • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

          Lol this happens to me all the time. Especially if we go out on day or weekend-long hiking excursions. I always think there will be, like, a billion people that were trying to get in contact but I usually come back to a single instagram notification and a text message from an acquaintance asking for the page numbers of the math homework.

    • candy

      haha relatable

    • Rene Taylor

      Totaaallyy done that! Why won’t you go on a date with me you BASTARD?!, ALL THOSE OTHER ASSHOLES WILL!!

  • Sarah Braden

    my social rock bottom is making vines about a lack of social life about very real things such as “waiting for the text message” and it ends up being an inside joke between me myself and I. I might mention that while making these vines I’m completely dolled up because I really am waiting for a text back, and have been waiting for an hour having plenty of time to get ready to go out…

    then finally giving up and going out alone

    • alejandra

      BEEN THERE.

      • Coco Ho

        same here.

  • http://www.creamstop.com/ Mademoiselle C.

    Truly hilarious. We have all been there. In a way.

  • 25highClothing

    “Social rock bottom” is not as bad as you think. My second day at a job (Male dominate game stop job), a co-worker came into the one person bathroom while i was using it(male) I know for a fact that he was waaayyy more embarrassed than i was, and it was me who was caught with my pants down, and squatting. you simply just get over it. give it a week, no biggie.

    shop at 25highclothing for Vintage and modern women’s trendy apparel

    • Leandra Medine

      while I see where you’re coming from, Social Rock Bottom would have went more like, a co-worker caught you digging for a necklace inside the toilet bowl with your sleeve rolled up and interrupted you to ask, “are you looking for this?” (cue man holding necklace, which was actually next to the toilet, not in it)

      • 25highClothing

        Hilarious!!! That would take a little more than a week to bounce back from. Lucky this was not the case! That would be embarrassing nickname giving territory. lol

      • grammargirl

        My social rock bottom was most likely tonight given that it is a saturday night and I’m staying in to study (by choice) and then naturally instead ended up on MR, noticed a grammar mistake in the piece (laying should be lying, also would have gone not went) and then spent close to an hour reading a copy of the Elements of Style. That my dad got me. For my birthday. Cheers to peaking in high school.

  • thesearetruestoriespromise

    Having written your good friend an email about your ‘date’ with someone, with explicit details and your ‘love’ for this person, etc – to later, almost a year later to be specific finding out said email was sent to your boss, the president of the company and someone’s assistant within the company by non other than your ex – oh, did I mention the someone being talked about so ‘lovingly’ in the email was a co-worker. Once I learned that EVERYONE knew about this in the office, it ALL made sense – the weird looks, the weird attitudes, when in meetings everyone looking at me to see where I would sit in relation to said person, etc. It is far worse than it sounds, if that is possible. Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.

    Does being pantsed and not just your pants come down, but everything (in front of about 10 people) count too?

    Oh, and the one where you are at a restaurant in an interview having started your period, to get up and have it look like you literally just killed someone…

    • karakafka

      *hug*

  • Alejandra

    My social rock bottom was today.. I tweeted a picture I took in vegas the weekend I celebrated my 21st birthday.. Here comes the tragic social rock bottom: It was of Harry Styles.

    • Amelia Diamond

      *social high point

      • Elsi Ferris

        ^^^ same.

      • Alejandra

        I consider my One Direction obsession an early quarter life crisis along with checking my instagram every 2 minutes…. (I framed the picture of harry styles and im pretending it’s art work.. an iphone is a medium right???!!)

  • dorothy

    Wanting to do laundry or groceries on a Friday or Saturday night but too embarrassed at the thought of being spotted so instead hiding out in your apartment browsing fashion blogs while eating brownies, then running out of brownies and again considering a grocery run…

    http://www.coveruncover.com

  • sadkaraokegirl

    making a facebook event for karaoke, inviting 20+ people and getting back 2 rsvp’s. event is saturday. T_T

  • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

    I am not really sure what constitutes as a social rock bottom, but I got my period while babysitting once. I was in a white dress babysitting two boys and their father walked me home after the evening was done. Upon my return home, my mom was like “Emma, the back of your dress is red.” I couldn’t believe it — I didn’t feel a thing. I guess I spent, like, 3 hours playing monopoly, cooking dinner, etc with zero idea that my body was doing its monthly duties, painting the back of my dress (and probably their coach or rug) as evidence.
    When I got home I had to call them and leave a message that went something like “Umm, hi, this is Emma! Is it alright if I run back over because I think I got, uhh, some blood on some furniture! I should come clean it up, you know before it dries and stuff!”
    The sad thing is that at this point — last year — I had been having my period for a couple of years. So maybe this isn’t a social rock bottom per se, but it was humiliating as shit. I haven’t watched those kids since.
    ——-
    You said spare no details.

  • http://b-tg.tumblr.com/ Colleen Garrity

    Tagging someone in a facebook status… and they go “What?”

    :|

  • Ariana Estrello

    My social rock bottom has to be that one time I was taking a selfie in the lobby of the Riu Palace in Cabo, San Lucas. I of course was taking selfie after selfie & around my 10th selfie some guy passes by and says, “Are you taking a selfie? What a loser!!” All the while gesturing a giant L across his forehead. He then went on to invite me for drinks after he insulted my selfie session. #BOOM

  • r.r. montgomery

    Being old enough to know better, and doing a radio show (middle of the night) where there was some over-sharing with everyone, EVERYONE, within listening range (and unfortunately on-line) about the events of a recent break-up accompanied by a string of overwrought sad sap pop songs with breaks for talking where there may have been actual on-air crying…the worst part of it? It was more than ONE show, and they are still in the radio station’s archives, and will be forever more. (maybe not rock-bottom, but still….)–doesn’t everyone just love the digital age?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=553777612 K. Lyn Baker

    A few Saturdays ago, a semi-regular at my local karaoke bar requested that I sing “Gangnam Style” for his birthday. Mid-song, he and all twelve people who were with him walked out. Only later did I find out that they’d been drinking for six hours and needed to go home before they lost consciousness.

  • s

    LOVE this one! we all hit those low, low, (nope..still lower) moments in our lives. Can’t think of a juicy enough story in comparison to many below!

    xx

    http://spoonfulofdiamonds.com
    http://www.facebook.com/SpoonfulOfDiamonds

  • Erica Rae Deutsch

    hahahaha, love the “skinny mirror leaning on the floor” line!

  • Amelia Diamond

    I would just say the general fact that I hang out with my dad more than almost any other human. And that I can’t parallel park.

    • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

      But (most) Dads rule!!!!

  • http://alcessa.wordpress.com/ alcessa

    Nope. I ain’t telling. *blush*

  • SannyL

    Hitting Social Rock Bottom! lol

    http://www.jewelsgood.com

  • Jordie

    My social rock bottom is right now, three hours before I need to be at work, sitting and using Macdonalds wifi, alone.

    • Charlotte Fassler

      Been there!

  • CDJ

    What’s worse than talking smack about someone via text and accidentally sending it to them instead?! I’ve been on the receiving end of that one, actually, and it’s pretty funny.

  • Care

    One time, during a pretty low period, I went out to my parents house on a Friday night. My 13 year old sister was having a party and after they had all ventured to the basement, I proceeded to eat the leftover pizza crusts off of all of her friends plates.

    Also, I once wet my pants from laughing too hard at a very very nice restaurant in Asssssspen. That is definitely my social rock bottom.

  • Samantha

    A geo tag, tagged friends, & multiple hashtags. 1 hour, > 10 likes… :|

  • Alicia

    I had a friend who’s Dad didn’t realize that he had clicked a button that LinkedIn all of her contacts. She had friends she hadn’t talked to in years emailing her to ask if Barry LeBlanc was her Dad. A majority of Barry’s LinkedIn connections remain to be mid-late 20-somethings.

  • Elsi Ferris

    referencing different tumblr posts multiple times in one conversation. THEY ARE REALLY FUNNY, OK.

  • http://jessjoycej.wordpress.com/ Jessica Joyce

    This is me. So me, I think.

    Your Friend, Jess

  • Amelie J
  • Luciana Safdie

    The selfie thing happened to me… except mine went to instagram, I didn’t take it down until about an hour or two later, when I saw a good friend had commented about what a mess my room was

  • ni ni

    “..badgering phone calls from your mother, that serve as a reminder to call
    your father, who is permanently offended that you’ve forgotten his
    birthday which, by the way, you did not.” Seriously! What is up with that?! Do all parents do this? You know, now mine wish me for my birthday a day after, just to get back.

  • Joel Harris

    fuck yeah.

  • Joel Harris

    shoosh! I’m so glad I came back over here!!!

  • Joel Harris

    awesome.

  • Rhian
  • CharlotteC

    Realizing you liked your own Facebook picture by accident… loser.com

  • GeorgiaGirl88

    Playing Candy Crush for an hour, in bed, with two dogs, on a Saturday night.

  • http://www.erptraining9.com/ SAP Training

    This is routine now.

    Everywhere boredom is lying.

    Why not is the desire?

    The selfie thing occurs and takes to bottom.