Two coats walk into a bar, right?
One looks at the other and says, “Oh my god, are you tha Dries va-y-n Noten coat from Fall/Winta 2012?”
The other looks back and says, “Holy shit! A talking coat with a Brooklyn accent!”
I’m really glad I never tried my hand at stand-up comedy.
It’s getting cold, folks and that means it’s time for coats. I understand that this doesn’t necessarily evoke the same sense of excitement that arises in the wake of 75 degree days but there are certainly some perks that should be considered when canvassing the final, glorious layer of thick cloth that will cloak your body for what I know seems like the rest of eternity, but is actually just a few (yes, long) months.
On the one hand, coats mean layers, and layers mean additional, concealed layers. Those concealed garments signal a lack of attention to detail — primarily because, what details? This makes putting on what goes under the coat considerably easier since no one cares what you’re wearing anyway — the coat is the statement, let it do the Brooklyn-accented talking. It can make your morning dressing easier than pie and render the not-so-hip incredibly cool.
On the other hand, to achieve such coolness, you only really need one coat. It is not a pair of shoes that might take you from point A to B and stop right there before said pair begs for an upgrade. As Charlotte put it, in New York, your coat is your car. It takes you everywhere you need to go, day in and out and doesn’t encourage an urgency to update it frequently. Unless it does, in which case I ask you, where are you getting coats from?
Never mind, you don’t have to answer that. You just have to know that there are better days ahead for you and we’ll be happy to guide you in the right direction with five coat silhouettes culled and styled for your clicking and maybe even buying pleasure as displayed in the slideshow above.
First, there’s the elegant I-could-work-in-fashion-but-also-might-do-something-else jacket which has a shorter shelf life considering its identity as a non-coat, but tomato, tomah-to. Diane Keaton would probably eat it the shit up.
Then, there’s the menswear-style coat. This one is from Maje and features a leather lapel which makes it seem slightly more feminine if only because it seems slightly more styled. Amelia is wearing it with an oxford from Uniqlo, white jeans because screw rules, and loafers by Bass. Try a dress and heels too, though, or more formal pants. This kind of coat is a chameleon. It will not, however, lick its own eyeballs.
I paired the military coat (by Dries van Noten) with a grey Vanessa Bruno sweater and green Dries van Noten pants. It’s double breasted and therefore hip by nature and reaches the ankle which makes it seem fairly formal. This is precisely why it should never be worn formally.
Where the Dries coat is your long option, consider a thick motorcycle jacket, like the Iro version as photographed on Amelia, your short option. If the majority of heat supposedly escapes from your head then you shouldn’t feel restricted to coats that only cover your butt — especially if you can find one where the neck and arm cuffs are covered in delicious, cuddly shearling. As long as you’re wearing pants, you’ll be fine. Amelia was fine. She’s also wearing these Superga sneakers you may or may not have heard of.
And finally, there’s H&M’s version of the fashion coat — or dress, as evidenced by Amelia’s styling technique. This is the seasonal, I-like-you-but-we-probably-won’t-stay-together version of outerwear, modeled after a coat you may have seen on a runway, fallen in love with and surmised you might never meet. Lo and behold. (Worn on me with an Acne canadian tuxedo, a black belt and Nicholas Kirkwood pumps. Amelia paired hers with Zara heels).
Now, picking up where this story’s intro left off, by the way, on a final, third hand, coats also SHIELD OUR TEMPERAMENTAL BODIES FROM THE FREEZING COLD. This is something we should be grateful for and in a bout of generosity prompted from said greatness, we should also donate old coats here.