Coat Jokes

by Leandra Medine
October 30, 2013
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Because, duh, fashion doesn’t have to be serious to be really, really good.

Two coats walk into a bar, right?

One looks at the other and says, “Oh my god, are you tha Dries va-y-n Noten coat from Fall/Winta 2012?”

The other looks back and says, “Holy shit! A talking coat with a Brooklyn accent!”

I’m really glad I never tried my hand at stand-up comedy.

It’s getting cold, folks and that means it’s time for coats. I understand that this doesn’t necessarily evoke the same sense of excitement that arises in the wake of 75 degree days but there are certainly some perks that should be considered when canvassing the final, glorious layer of thick cloth that will cloak your body for what I know seems like the rest of eternity, but is actually just a few (yes, long) months.

On the one hand, coats mean layers, and layers mean additional, concealed layers. Those concealed garments signal a lack of attention to detail — primarily because, what details? This makes putting on what goes under the coat considerably easier since no one cares what you’re wearing anyway — the coat is the statement, let it do the Brooklyn-accented talking. It can make your morning dressing easier than pie and render the not-so-hip incredibly cool.

On the other hand, to achieve such coolness, you only really need one coat. It is not a pair of shoes that might take you from point A to B and stop right there before said pair begs for an upgrade. As Charlotte put it, in New York, your coat is your car. It takes you everywhere you need to go, day in and out and doesn’t encourage an urgency to update it frequently. Unless it does, in which case I ask you, where are you getting coats from?

Never mind, you don’t have to answer that. You just have to know that there are better days ahead for you and we’ll be happy to guide you in the right direction with five coat silhouettes culled and styled for your clicking and maybe even buying pleasure as displayed in the slideshow above.

First, there’s the elegant I-could-work-in-fashion-but-also-might-do-something-else jacket which has a shorter shelf life considering its identity as a non-coat, but tomato, tomah-to. Diane Keaton would probably eat it the shit up.

It’s from Zara. (The turtleneck is Christina Lehr and the pants are Stella McCartney).

Then, there’s the menswear-style coat. This one is from Maje and features a leather lapel which makes it seem slightly more feminine if only because it seems slightly more styled. Amelia is wearing it with an oxford from Uniqlo, white jeans because screw rules, and loafers by Bass. Try a dress and heels too, though, or more formal pants. This kind of coat is a chameleon. It will not, however, lick its own eyeballs.

I paired the military coat (by Dries van Noten) with a grey Vanessa Bruno sweater and green Dries van Noten pants. It’s double breasted and therefore hip by nature and reaches the ankle which makes it seem fairly formal. This is precisely why it should never be worn formally.

Where the Dries coat is your long option, consider a thick motorcycle jacket, like the Iro version as photographed on Amelia, your short option. If the majority of heat supposedly escapes from your head then you shouldn’t feel restricted to coats that only cover your butt — especially if you can find one where the neck and arm cuffs are covered in delicious, cuddly shearling. As long as you’re wearing pants, you’ll be fine. Amelia was fine. She’s also wearing these Superga sneakers you may or may not have heard of.

And finally, there’s H&M’s version of the fashion coat — or dress, as evidenced by Amelia’s styling technique. This is the seasonal, I-like-you-but-we-probably-won’t-stay-together version of outerwear, modeled after a coat you may have seen on a runway, fallen in love with and surmised you might never meet. Lo and behold. (Worn on me with an Acne canadian tuxedo, a black belt and Nicholas Kirkwood pumps. Amelia paired hers with Zara heels).

Now, picking up where this story’s intro left off, by the way, on a final, third hand, coats also SHIELD OUR TEMPERAMENTAL BODIES FROM THE FREEZING COLD. This is something we should be grateful for and in a bout of generosity prompted from said greatness, we should also donate old coats here.

REPLIES
  • http://mafaldadotzero.blogspot.fr/ Mafalda

    Love your coat joke :) And love the pink coats too, in fact, I should definitely get one.

    Mafalda ❤
    http://www.mafaldadotzero.blogspot.fr

    • (BAD) Blog About Design

      Love your coat picks as well. The pink and green coats are my favorite! I actually just did a post on coats for fall/winter!

      Check out the BAD Blog…

      http://design-bad.blogspot.com

  • Amatoria Clothing

    I am in LOVE with Amelia’s menswear Maje coat!!!!! Also Leandra’s Dries Van Noten coat is absolutely delicious! I just found a similar vintage coat, which I am altering a bit to fit my tiny shoulders. It came with a matching belt as a closure, but I have decided that is too feminine, so I will do a double breasted button closure instead for a menswear look. I can’t wait to wear it! What says Chic as Shit if not a full-length camel wool coat?!

    • Amatoria Clothing

      It also gives the opportunity for a “short skirt, long jacket” moment, to make everyone wonder if you are indeed about to streak down the street!

  • http://www.fancyalterego.wordpress.com/ Heather P.

    That military green coat is amazing. However, I’m pretty sure it would hit the floor on my short-ass frame.

    Must find shorter version, or decent tailor…

  • Marsha

    Lol…in love with the first coat!

    http://styleofalondontallgirl.blogspot.com

  • Aubrey Green

    What shoes does Amelia have on? I love all of the coats, Zara, Dries Van Noten and H&M are my favorites. You can never own too many coats/jackets.

    • Leandra Medine

      Hey! Her pumps are from Zara.

      • Aubrey Green

        Thank you.

      • Greer Clarke

        Where are her loafers from?

  • http://www.farandwildjewelry.com/ abigail lind

    i have a real love hate relationship with coats. i love that they keep me from freezing my tits off but i hate that having to wear them means it’s cold enough to freeze my tits off. that said, outfit number 2 is making a strong case for winter weather between that dries and those pradas. assuming you don’t freeze your toes off.

    abigail
    http://www.farandwildjewelry.com

  • belulopezchamba

    Amelia looks so much like Kate Middleton, the similarity is stunning!

  • Sarah Jay

    I really do not know how to survive a snowy winter with any of these!!! Can you feature the “winter wonderland” coat look? I will look like crap in woolrich, peutery or Blauer USA but can’t think of a beautiful alternative – any ideas??? Germany needs your advice ;)
    (I would love the Maje or Dries van Noten by the way)

  • Guest

    well styled looks

  • Amanda MeeMee

    Uhm, I would TOTALLY come watch you do stand-up! I think someone missed their calliiiinggg…!!

    Voyage of the MeeMee

  • Alisha

    I love coats, all type of coats; long and over-sized, boxy, notched lapels, and pockets.
    But they’re always in the same color: black, brown, or light pink.

    WHY CAN’T I FIND A BURGUNDY/WINE COLORED COAT!?

    I wish Phoebe Philo would see this and design a beautiful burgundy/wine coat as I described above.

  • http://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/ Newborn Fanatic

    Drooling over that Dries Van Noten coat. So gorgeously long! And nice play with the velvet supergas! lol.

    P.S. Really sold on that H&M coat! Gosh I want everything! How can you stop at one coat?? :P

    https://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/

  • Maha

    living in louisville, ky we get all five seasons in one week.. which of course means i have a coat for absolutely EVERY weather condition. I have to say.. my blush pink peacoat from gap is the most underrated, perfect coat I’ve ever had. It stays warm, yet feels light and looks fabulous paired with my prada boots!!

  • Emmet

    Does the Dries Van Noten Coat have a name? I’m desperate to find it :) Love, love, LOVE it! Thanks for your daily inspo!! x x

    • Leandra Medine

      I know it’s from Fall 2012 – I got it at Barney’s Warehouse sale. Maybe there is more stock over there?

  • sarahmira

    wish i could afford as many coats as you :D I’ll go for a pastel one this season….

    sarahmira.com

  • http://afterthe40barfinish.blogspot.com/ Nina Piccini

    Love how all these coats are styled. Coats are just so damn chic and elegant, such a fun layer piece until it gets too cold to care!!

    xo, Nina

  • Emily

    I’m sorry, but I don’t understand these “looks.” I do not want to ever look like this.

  • SixFeetFromTheEdge

    LOOOVE THE MAJE COAT.

    Got the H&M coat as well btw, wore it during a rainy day (there’s plenty of then in The Netherlands..) and I instantly looked like a wet poodle. Great ;)

    x

  • Courtney

    I love the first coat that would make Diane Keaton “eat it the shit up”. HA! I laughed out loud and nearly choked on my juice.

    Here are my badass coats!

    http://courtblanche.com/winter-wardrobe-badass-coats/

  • Meghan Lorine

    Just bought that H&M coat – love it so much! x

    eyehateheels.com

  • http://eyehateheels.com/ Meghan Lorine

    just bought that H&M coat – love it! x

    eyehateheels.com

  • Leandra Medine

    but WHICH is your favorite? and why?

  • Amatoria Clothing

    I understand your problem. I have a weakness for coats and jackets. The thing is… the right outerwear can turn the most simple outfit from boring to amazing! Worth it!

  • 33

    I totally hear you. I ran out of excuse to buy another coat because I have about every style. One thing I don’t do when it comes to coat buying is light color coat. I’d love a camel, a cream, and a light pink but I won’t do it. The inside of collar and wrists will get yellowed in no time. I can’t stand a light color coat with stain. Dry cleaning can only be done so many times before a coat is ruined.

    However, I do have two trenches, one knee length and one hip length, in classic trench color. Because they are not a “coat” that i would wear in the office or as a part of an outfit (just a coverup until I can take it off), I always wear a scarf to guard against staining the inside collar.

  • Brie

    if i HAD to pick one, damn you MR, i’d go with my ankle length black wool coat. it was perfect with pretty much every outfit i came up with last year, jeans, skirts, dresses, otk boots, erythang. my girlfriends were ooohhing and ahhhing everytime i wore it

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