What’s In My Bag?

You'll be sorry you asked. JK.

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I’m throwing in the towel. While I’ve been endorsing the use of teeny, tiny futile clutches for the past, I don’t know, two years, I’ve got to concede to a larger bag especially in the wake of the week that is fashion. Why? Because as much as I want to believe I am a lady of few belongings, I have a lot of shit. Like a shit ton of shit.

So what’s a girl to do? Ah, yes, find a large bag that closely resembles a briefcase so she can feel the right dose of masculine and fit her computer inside of it, if need be. Extra brownie points will be awarded if the bag in question is denim, features plaid patchwork and may or may not hail from a recent collaboration between the leather wunderkinds at Loewe (pronounced Lo-eh-weh in case you’re wondering) and the Japanese super-humans at Junya Watanabe (pronounded Wah-tah-nah-bey in case you’re wondering).

Though my close friend’s mother used to tell him that all girls come with baggage and he’s just got to choose the ones that travel with carry-ons, I have to wonder if that rule still applies during Fashion Week. Why? Because the enormous mass of baggage that I, for one, carry around can prove incredibly helpful should you find yourself in any of the following scenarios.

Scenario #1: You’ve committed a crime, maybe you accidentally sat in Grace Coddington’s seat at Altuzarra. Or Lynn Yaeger’s. You’ll need your passport to flee the country. (Also, the Upper West Side, home to Lincoln Center, is pretty far from the Lower East Side, where we typically operate.)

Scenario #2: You’ve been admitted to as many shows as you wanted to attend but only with Standing tickets. If you bring your crystal glue gun around with you, though, you may or may not be afforded the opportunity to literally glue your ass to a chair and dub yourself a “front row fixture.” Also, you may want to glue more patches to your bag. Or rhinestones to your teeth.

Scenario #3: You see a cab but it doesn’t see you. Don’t worry. You have a slingshot. Also, if you need to, dinging an archnemesis in the nose will be much easier from the comfort of your removed, vantage point.

Scenario #4: You’ve just left the Jeremy Scott show and have concluded that you really miss Michael Jackson. Good thing you have a Diptyque candle and enormous sized lighter to initiate a séance!

Scenario #5: You’re hungry so you eat Swedish Fish and in doing so also realize you have blisters which is where your Band-Aids come in. These are Cynthia Rowley which makes them crazy, sexy, cool and if you want to put one on your face you can totally give Nelly a run for his money.

Scenario #6: You forgot to get an iced coffee and need one. In fact, if you don’t have one you are almost positive your head will fall off but not to worry – you have loads of straws, so, locate the nearest Iced Coffee, reach your extra long, self-constructed straw into the next person’s and take a sip. You can then use the flashlight to shine into the person’s eye so they’re distracted while you’re drinking.

In addition to the items outlined and highlighted above, there is also lipstick and a pair of sunglasses in my bag but those things are practically useless when considering a First Wives Club DVD which I failed to mention originally. You just never know when you might need to put on your best Bette Midler.

Should I even ask what’s in your bag?

Wearing a Stella McCartney skirt and Jimmy Choo heels. Part of a collaboration with Loewe x Junya Watanabe

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Thoughts?
  • http://www.fullbellywornsoles.com/ Michelle Panting

    This post is totally hilarious. The straws? Hmmmm. Haha

    http://www.fullbellywornsoles.com

  • STYLE-SQUARED

    YOU HAVEN’T LOOKED THIS HOT IN A LONG TIME L!!!!FREAKIN LOVE IT!!!! MISSED IT FOR SURE! ;) :**********

    http://style-squared.blogspot.ca/

    https://www.facebook.com/StyleSquaredByZM

  • &OtherObjects

    Oh girl don’t keep your passport in your handbag like that.

  • Jenny

    Loved this one, I was having a good out loud chuckle!!

  • fashmongers

    Thanks God finally I can take a good sleep! The slingshot is a necessity for a repeller

    http://fashmongers.wordpress.com

  • monkeyshines
  • Esperanza

    PLEASE can you tell me how or where you got your slingshot? Dude it’s so freakin’ awesome! I promise if I get into any trouble I won’t mention your name.

  • TurkishDelight

    OMG, this is the type of MR writing I have missed so much! Poking fun at fashion while still killing it with style =)

  • Amelia

    But seriously Leandra, why do you carry toilet paper, a glue gun and straws in your bag? lol

  • Curvily NYC

    This is incredible.

  • uncle larry

    lol. first wives club dvd. lea…..

  • kmg

    Best what’s in my bag post the internet has ever seen.

  • Nora

    i dare you to do the straw thing! (plz take pictures or a litlle video)

  • http://sarahbolton.net/ Sarah B.

    Love it!

  • MsDenbi

    Haha my bag is always filled with the most random stuff too. And I love the bag. I’m trying to find a bag that will also fit my macbook.

  • Heidi

    Love this! I wonder how many grillz are going to make an appeareance at Fashion Week?!?!?!

    http://jax-and-jewels.blogspot.com

  • http://www.fancyalterego.wordpress.com/ Heather P.

    Nothing anywhere near that awesome. Unless you count a scarf, to wrap myself in like a Polish grandmother whenever my classroom’s AC kicks on (which is seldom and completely at random).

    I am going to single-handedly bring back the babushka this winter. Just you wait!

  • Donna

    The bag is perfection — clearly you only carry on the necessities! ;)

    xoDonna
    http://www.soyouagree.com

  • http://redlipspinkcheeks.blogspot.co.uk/ Georgie

    About 300000 lip balms and at least one gloss and lipstick in my bag. Always. And band aids. Also that skirt is divine.

  • Lunares rubios

    You are crazy and I love it!!

  • Ana Vera

    jajaj!! You´re Magic!

  • Carola Disiot

    funny post!!! love your bag of course ;) great outfit!

    Carola

    Go to PursesintheKitchen

  • Lisa Thomson

    Haha, you’re killin’ it. I’ve never seen a woman look so elegant while dumping her purse on the street. That skirt is fantastic with the heels…last time I carried a sling shot in my purse was for my 11 yo son. When a friend saw it she thought it was a kinky sex toy.

  • Laura

    The scenario 6 is hilarious! But you do carry a lot of weird things in your bag!

    http://www.laurablogmode.com

  • http://www.lattesandlipstick.com/ Shulamit E

    too cute. great outfit!

  • http://www.downtownhautefashion.blogspot.com/ Leslie

    Lol. I love this post! I used to carry around bags so big they looked like briefcases. I have too much shit. :/

    http://www.downtownhautefashion.blogspot.com

  • Alejandra

    WHERE’S YOUR PHONE CHARGER?!

  • Nelya Zlamanyuk

    Omg. I think I died from all the laughing I just did.

  • Nico

    This post is amazing, I love the way you write this kind of post!

    http://lowbudget-lowcost.blogspot.it/2013/09/what-famous-fashion-bloggers-wear.html

  • Wandering In Heels

    Hahaha! And I thought I had random bag contents! This takes the cake!

    WanderingInHeels.com

  • Laiza

    Ha ha ha ha …. Your are amazing!!!
    So hilarious post .. The toilet paper!!!!

  • Maggie

    Well, it is true every woman should carry a slingshot in her bag xD

  • http://www.fashionsnag.com/ Fashion Snag
  • K.H

    The Choo’s!
    I don’t even think I can take in any of this article. Why oh why didn’t I buy them!?

  • http://jessjoycej.wordpress.com/ Jessica Joyce

    You got it. Thanks for briefing us on the Fashion Week essentials. Not that I’ll be there, but I’ll still be following the rules right here. In my house. Front row. Glued to my laptop.

    Your Friend, Jess

  • d4divine

    Lol…the flashlight is cracking me up!!!

  • Lina

    I was seriously laughing out loud reading that. Felt good after a long and stressful day, thanks Leandra!

  • http://www.looksharpsconnie.com/ Look Sharp Sconnie

    What if you’re located far out in the midwest, far removed from all of this hoopla, and you’d really just like to survive another mind-numbing 8 hour workday without jumping off a curb and pretending it’s a cliff? Which scenario would your recommend turning to?

  • Arlette Contreras

    $2 for tacos?! during happy hour?! blasphemy!!

  • Arlette Contreras

    can we have more articles like this? on the real? we have enough pretentious fashion bloggers taking this stuff way waaaayyyy to seriously :P

  • steph

    your skirt! gorgeous :D

  • Rathna Sharad

    Love this post :)

  • Rachel Fink

    This has got to be one of my fav posts ever. You’re special. <3

  • http://alcessa.wordpress.com/ alcessa

    Well, there’s a glittering glue gun in my bag, too. To glue an archenemy to the front row and squirt iced coffee in her face only to wipe it off with the toilet paper before her lawyer has arrived … Ah, the possibilities! :-D

  • http://mafaldadotzero.blogspot.fr/ Mafalda

    Oh god, you just look like a modern (and more attractive and trendy) Dora with that bag. You’re hilarious! Mine is tiny at the moment, but I use to have larger bag when the twins were babies (nappies, bottles, furry toys, etc.), but it’s a bugger to find anything in less than a hour (like dental floss, gummy bears and so on). So I just went Kate Moss and decided to have 2 bags, one for me, one for the kids and all the shitty stuff I need for the day.

    Mafalda ❤
    http://www.mafaldadotzero.blogspot.fr

  • http://ravenmaidenmaven.blogspot.com/ Lydia Teo

    This was freaking hilarious (LOL at the slingshot one). But seriously though, I can never use clutches because how the hell do I fit everything in such a tiny space!? Do the girls rocking these clutches have like their boyfriends/sisters/brothers/mothers/grandmothers helping them carry their stuff everywhere??

    ravenmaidenmaven.blogspot.com

  • Idalia

    I need that bag! Love you Leandra!

    cheers,
    Idalia
    http://www.abstractorganza.blogspot.com

  • The Fashion Panda
  • http://www.borsalon.com/ Borsalon

    Your passport too? Be careful with that!!! I lost it twice

    http://www.borsalon.com

  • Elisa Taviti

    Your sandals are my obsession!
    They are so sexy, so hot, so … me!!!
    I need them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    xx Elisa
    My Fantabulous World

  • http://ivysmaquillagecove.com/ Ivy Vijay

    i love her heels and her skirt and the bag is just just, eeerrr whats the word adorable :D

    ivysmaquillagecove.com

  • http://tropicthrill.blogspot.com/ Cel

    I know this is a What’s In My Bag post, duh, but all I saw were your LEGS, I glanced at the flashlight for a while, and then back to your legs. Yep, totally not creepy.

  • Miss Flamingo

    Hahaha the slingshot killed me!

    http://missflamingoatthecity.blogspot.com.es/

  • http://www.justinnesblogspace.blogspot.com/ Justinne Javate

    so good thank you for posting a “real” what’s in your bag post instead of the cliche one where it is all neatly layed out.

  • http://www.adashoffash.com/ Iris @ ADASHOFFASH.COM

    Awesome post! Loving all the scenarios you wrote about. I always have useless shit in my bag but now I can finally figure out why! Also I need a more practical bag so I can find anything I need, although this doesn’t really relate to your post.

    xoxo Iris

    A DASH OF FASH

  • http://www.lucidnewyork.com HandmadeJewelrybyLucid

    Haha this topic is so popular on blogs but Leandra puts such an awesome spin on it. Always fun to read her!
    Anna
    http://www.LucidNewYork.com

  • StyleGodis

    LOVE the pictures! So funny! That bag is awesome too

    http://stylegodis.com/

  • ana

    Made my day!
    ..and feel less weird to tote around similarly odd squeaking bath duckie for no apparent reason or use. The day will come though…

  • Emily

    You slay me, Leandra. Another great post!

    ohmygilded.blogspot.com

  • Yu Yu Chan

    Glue gun could totally be a life saver in emergency situation like your heels falling off from walking too much in between shows. Actually Aimee from Song of Style just had that crisis, and she probably wished she carried glue gun like you do x

  • Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra

    I think this sufficiently covers what is in my bag … http://lifesucksinastraplessbra.com/2013/08/07/what-up-bag-ladies/

  • Paula McClelland

    Don’t ask me what’s in my bag… it is all needed and completely practical – as is all this stuff! I was wondering about the slingshot but you gave a perfectly reasonable answer ;-)

    ♥ Paula Shoe Fiend.
    http://shoe-fiend.blogspot.co.nz/

  • www.bingyourstyle.com

    you are my fountain of inspiration i heart youuuuuuuuuu:)

  • Dior Bediako

    SO FUNNY! I love this one xx

  • Pualani@TheRustedKey

    Usual contents in my bag: a pocket knife, 2 LED flashlights, black electrical tape, vanilla and blackberry scented lotion, extra hair ties, gum, Ipod, phone charger, jump rope, and earphones. Stylish clutches just don’t do.

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