We’re less than two weeks away from the initiation of New York Fashion Week which will unveil the Spring/Summer 2014 collections over the course of what will inevitably feel like a marathonic seven days. Marathonic is not a word but in the spirit of the imminent Olympic games, I’m taking a page – well, the page – from The New York Times One Page magazine in the front of their weekly issue and proposing that That Should Be a Word.
But I digress.
I am not one of those people who ceaselessly complains when the shows are in near sight. I do not pretend that having to rush from, ugh, Jason Wu to Yigal Azrouel in, like, literally 5 minutes, is a stressful if not completely burdensome task. It doesn’t even really bother me that for six days I practically live on the free cereal bars they distribute at Milk Studios and the potato chips of my own purchasing. Furthermore, in fact, if the opportunity presented itself, I’d probably, nay, definitely participate in the well-heeled rally for an additional week.
I will, however, say, that right now in the short distance disconnecting me from fashion week, it seems like participating in my own, customized version of a cleanse is not a bad idea. And while I am sure you are thinking, Leandra, are you going to tell us to start eating raw food because that is fucked up, hear me out. I’m not going to say that. It’s not like we’re gearing up for Thanksgiving here.
This “cleanse” is actually of the mind and only really includes a few pretty simple assignments. The thing of it is, whether or not you’re participating is fashion week is irrelevant when considering the protocol I plan to assume in readying myself, so, are you ready? (To join me?)
1. I will read three books. One of which will probably be Consider the Lobster (again) because that book is like the Da Vinci code and reveals new, valuable information with every read. Another one might be Eating My Feelings: Tales of Overeating, Underperforming, and Coping with My Crazy Family by Mark Rosenberg because I’ve read that it is very funny and finally, I might dive into Victor Frankl’s Mans Search for Meaning because nothing says “pass the paillettes” like disheartening circumstances and psychotherapy, or some Freud because what’s more exciting than showing up at fashion week saying shit like, “Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.”
2. I will also spend the next two weeks barefoot. This reminds me, I may also read How to Ride a Camel for Dummies to learn how to steer a camel, followed by How to Import a Camel for Dummies. Why? Because taxis, subways and buses may fail but you know what never does? A camel. Talk about a grand entrance.
3. I will avoid trendy restaurants and bars. Not because I want to seem elusive and mysterious, or because I’m trying to cut down on food and beverage. No. I just want to spend my free time learning how cook a pot pie. I will also learn to brew my own brand of Moonshine because I just think that has a certain cache. I will definitely invite you over for some.
4. I may also refrain from showering which is not because I plan to do that a bunch during fashion week but because I think it’s probably fair that I get my body and hair used to the staleness.
5. And finally, I am committed to science, developers and sockets. I am looking into what it takes to turn myself into a human phone charger. If not for my own personal use than certainly because I’d like to become popular among the show-goers afraid to lose their jobs due to dead phones. If I could assuage their anxiety, I think I could die a very happy medical anomaly. Which also reminds me – you can use me whenever you need.
So, let’s do this, eh?