You’re probably wondering why it has taken us three weeks to finally include Kelly Oxford (author of the so-fucking-funny-this-counts-as-absercise compendium of short essays titled, Everything is Perfect When You’re a Liar,) as a founding member of our new series, Funny Ladies Who Tweet.
Put simply, the highly advanced level of comedy and simultaneous evil genius permeating her twitter feed made the process of elimination and road to subsequent illustration incredibly difficult. Proof? A small sampling below:
“Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?”
“TIP: Boring weekly errands are less boring when you put on an eye patch and observe everyone trying to avoid looking at it.”
“You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That’s a ghost finishing sex with you.”
I know, I’m laughing so hard my ass is going to fall off, too. We decided on the above illustrated-by-Charlotte tweet, though, because in spite of its innate sense of humor, it is also kind of true–and therefore something of a Public Service Announcement.
Now, Tampax, if you’re reading, we’d like to politely to tell that we’re through with the misconceptions your beguiling commercials, choc full of beautiful, clear-skinned women, smiling seemingly genuinely, paying no attention to the ovarian massacre of their lower stomachs.
It’s time the young adults of our great country learn about what really brings on a manic, irate drinking problem.