Why Don’t You in 2013
A modern interpretation of Vreeland’s popular, deceased column, titled – you guessed it – Why Don’t You.
It is still Diana Vreeland’s birthday and therefore reinterpreting the second most salient feature of her popularity is one fairly easy and highly enjoyable way that we can continue to distill her transcendent influence.
For the uninitiated or likewise the confounded, Diana Vreeland notoriously penned a column for Harper’s Bazaar from the years 1936 to 1962 titled, Why Don’t You? In it, she would pose her most urgent, creative, outlandish and sometimes downright preposterous questions. Examples of such included: “Why don’t you paint a map of the world on all four walls of your boys’ nursery so they won’t grow up with a provincial point of view?”, or “use a gigantic shell instead of a bucket for your champagne?”.
Often these questions were deeply inspiring, (“Why don’t you cover a big cork bulletin board in bright pink felt, banded with bamboo, and pin with colored thumb-tacks all your various enthusiasms as your life varies from week to week?”), and may or may not have elicited some of the most prominent designer markers we have today (“Why don’t you wear black leather mules with red leather heels?” – Christian Louboutin, anyone?). But regardless of the genre of question, her delivery was always the same: a deadpan sense of why-haven’t-you-answered-my-question yet? One not unlike yours might look while ceaselessly seeking a bathroom but finding no help in locating the excrement drop-off. This, even if Vreeland was loitering behind the pages of her magazine.
Long over are those days though which is why injecting it with some millennial relevance seemed like the only surefire way to continue celebrating the centenary. Above you will find several slides masterfully photoshopped by one Charlotte that ask the age-old, trend-shattering, rule-breaking question: Why Don’t You?
Why don’t you…
Wear your childhood stuffed animal on your head as a hat? (Though this photo is of me and comes from the Blah-Proof dressing dissertation care of last week, we’re pretty sure one Charlotte Olympia has already begun practicing the trade.)
Bathe in green juice? If it’s that good for our interiors, it can’t be particularly bad for our exteriors?
Suggest dressing Amanda Bynes in head to toe Calvin Klein (we’d vet for a white pant suit)? It will indubitably mitigate her instability and make her feel far too regal to tweet such obscenities.
Shut your phone off for one day? Just one day. Come on, try it.
Host a seance with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills but in doing so eschew their original intentions and convince them to help bring Michael Jackson back from the dead?
Use black lipstick as a thick, dewey black eye-liner and shadow?
Clip two necklaces together and wear them as a choker?
Or, skip that all together and pull a lampshade off your lamp, wear it around your neck and call it an improvisational Delfina Delettrez choker you’ve DIY’ed (Also a Vreelandian concept) to match your ailing dog?
Set up three Tinder dates for one night? I’m sure Vreeland would agree that it’s best to have a deluge of promising options at all times.
And finally – why don’t you wear a Maison Martin Margiela couture face mask to Soul Cycle? As Vreeland has famously declared, “a woman should always be elegant.”