Well, this is sad. We’re exactly where I predicted Monday might find us. I do hope you ordered shoes like we suggested you do last Wednesday so to a. assuage the misery of having slipped through summer’s longest weekend, b. take great pleasure in reading the below.
Remember that time I was all, “shoe maketh the repeller“? Well, today, shoe maketh the outfit. When considering how to dress for the situational events life may throw at you, it’s easy to assume that varying blouses, bottoms, accessories and so forth will determine that which makes you look appropriate. Doesn’t that seem like a lot of work for such marginal nuances though? What is really the difference between a first date and a second date after all?
I’ve long harbored this theory that a woman should be able to make one pair of jeans and a white blouse work (see also: twerk) for any occasion short of, let’s say, a royal wedding. After all, if she can figure out brunch with the opium drinking great aunt Greta, dinner with new in-laws, old in-laws, imminent in-laws or adults you kind of just wish were your in laws, and, let’s say, a job interview in the above noted jeans and shirt, we’ve got to assume the arbiter is something of a style expert, right? Right. So what is it that makes the variants vary at all?
Ah, yes, the shoes. Duh.
In considering how to wear a red plaid button down shirt paired with adequately festive shorts, my instinct was to pair sneakers with the look. That way, I could a. walk, b. jump–see:
And c. level the sartorial playing field. This would then allow me to position this look as one applicable for a coffee run or a supermarket trip or a lunch meeting or a friendly hang out or a racy gallivant down 42nd street.
In pairing the outfit with a second set of shoes, I thought–what if I were meeting my highly regal grandmother for an afternoon coup and had grown very well aware of her aversion toward sneakers and denim cut-offs and all the other things I really, really like. What would I do? What the fuck would I do? Ah, yes, try my hand at a pair of yellow satin, crystal embellished Oscar de la Renta mules that would almost completely detract from her potential dismay in my use of a plaid shirt on a summer day.
And in this instance, though I am entirely Terry Richardson at top and a bit more Marie Antoinette once the migration down south begins, you’ve got to agree when held up against look #1, I’m cloaked for a fundamentally different occasion, no?
In look #3 (which features Charlotte Olympia heels so high, clad in a pompom so large) I’m not quite sure I accomplish the same level of deviation but consider this: you brunch like it’s a sport, don’t you? You love your girlfriends, your girlfriends love you–yes? You found a pair of 6 inch wedges on sale last season that clocked in at an astonishing 85% off retail value and you had to have them so hard you threw all premeditated rules about shopping out the window and swipe’n’squared it like it’s hot, yes? One year later, you’re like, well, that was silly. These look great in my closet, interesting on my feet but are wholly inappropriate under the most of the circumstances I find myself subsisting.
And that remedy is girl time. Let your friend dates function as the euphoric abyss that allows you to wear all your blinded-by-the-sample-sale squanders ad-nauseaum and with pride. Make up a dance, turn it into a gif, et voila. Just don’t sprain your ankle.
Ultimately, you see, in order to achieve several different looks without having to try your hand at multiple different looks, all you really need to do is dig deep into your trove of footwear, holster a little bit of imagination and let them shoes maketh ye outfit.