Holy Cronut

Here's to a morning in the life of a Cronut eater.

Ladies and gents, it’s July 1st. My memory indicates that this should mean a marginal celebration in favor of the imminent Fourth of July weekend and its balmy associations, see: a long weekend – typically away – with the unofficial, kind-of-official inauguration of summer in its purest form featuring copious, frivolous, acceptable and highly galvanized alcohol intake. But today it means something dramatically different.

And while it may not render “dramatic” for those of you who are non-tristate denizens (or you know, if you just find yourself teetering on a scale that denotes normalcy), a New York Magazine editor once astutely pointed out that “what makes one a real New Yorker is the conscious decision to become one,” so let’s just agree to bite the collective bullet and recoil/marvel in this revelation together.

And now you’re thinking: what revelation? Spit it out, you verbose queen of the convoluted word. Well, I’m talking about the now ubiquitous Legend of The Cronut™ and the fact that the first day of the new month means that a new flavor (last month was lemon maple, the one before was rose vanilla) is in! Yay! Hooray! I’ve been waiting for what feels like a lifetime!

cronut

Not.

I never thought we’d live in a world where Fourth of July could find itself coming in at a distant second to a neo-delicacy that has commanded so much attention, I’d almost forgotten that Rihanna and Elizabeth Ann Jones took turns digitally bitch slapping each other late last week.

I’ve never had a Cronut–and I’ll tell you what else: I plan – with conviction – never to have one. But even in spite of my having recently come upon more exposés on the hype surrounding the treat than I have on the New York City mayoral campaigns, detailing ad-nauseum the scene outside the Soho bakery where the only real Cronuts - blessed with a trademark and everything – are made, I had to go there for myself and see with my eyes (not to be confused with the less perceptive stomach) what the hoopla was about.

I’d read that the herds of donut/croissant enthusiasts begin assuming their positions, waiting outside Dominique Ansel’s shop on Spring and Sullivan, hours before its 8AM opening time. This meant that I’d have to get up up at the asscrack of dawn to walk over and sample-size.

The findings? I think somewhere Kanye West is highly disturbed that his ferociously popular lyric, “hurry up with my damn croissant,” commemorates a panettone of the past.

A line longer than that of Opening Ceremony’s 90% off annual sample sale tailed the bakery. A pack of men and women stood bribing earlier line-loiterers to surrender their spots. And after opening, one anonymous woman sat, setting up her cafe table inside the shop with a reflective surface for what I can only imagine was an impromptu Instagram shoot that will garner approximately 62387218 likes.

From what I can tell, the suspicious breakfast fuel think it’s an Hermes Birkin. But as Ansel told Grub Street earlier last month, “this will never be a cronut shop!” He will continue to produce only 2 to 300 daily, limit consumption to two-per-person and consequently appease only the first, let’s say, 100 of approximately 400 people that wait on line for their golden tickets daily.

Cronuts also think they’re green juices. Not because of the comparable nutritional value – don’t be silly – because it is recommended that the pastry be eaten within six hours of purchase. Lastly, I am pretty sure that Cronuts also believe they have the selling power and clout to be considered for Moda Operandi‘s next round of pre-orders–which really makes me wonder about the former supposition.

As for its consumers: the business savvy thieves buy them in two, and resell them at a 950% mark-up from the retail price of five dollars. The deeply gluttonous have been known to feed (hehe) the aforementioned, purchasing the cronuts on a new strain of black market. The egalitarians of Pinterest and other such DIY-food-fostered networks create their own cronuts and share the recipes with their followers. And as for the dumbfounded–me, personally, I continue to wonder why New Yorkers become so damn obsessive about anything that seems limited edition, novel, highly regal, cheap or all of the above. You’d think Isabel Marant was already in-stores at H&M.

Photo via The Bygone Bureau

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Thoughts?
  • Millie Cotton

    On the subject of queues, limited edition, novel, highly regal, cheap or all of the above, can we talk about the 2.5 hour long wait every day for the Rain Room at the MoMA…

  • liz

    Ha! The punctuation of that Isabel Marant/H&M quip as the final punch…Brilliant.

  • Kate Barnett

    If ever there was a flavor that could lure me out of bed at 6am, it’s July’s Blackberry.

    • Leandra Medine

      Yes.

  • Sarah Garrido

    Agree with Liz – I love the way you began and ended this. All hail to the MR!

    Now, I’m going to go get my CRONUT! (not)

  • nicolecontrol

    In defense of the Cronut! A week ago, me and my husband decided to live the lives of shameless tourists for four days and see what it was like. (It was glorious, by the way. They are having fun.) As part of this plan, I stood in line beginning 6:00am for a Cronut on a Sunday morning. At first, I was cranky. I did not bond with my fellow line waiters. Anyway, I got in. I got the lemon maple one. It was amazing! So are the DKAs, by the by. Do it. It’s a fun story, and anyway no one is too cool for a delicious pastry.

  • zoe_whip

    Ah fuck a duck! I’m in Florida — with all this talk of flavors, all I want is a cronut.

  • Monica

    okay… I would never get out of bed and/or stand in line for some trendy pastry… but if in front of me, I could not refuse any tasty carbohydrate.

  • d4divine

    New Yorkers love obsessing about bull@#$!

  • Dana

    I’m with ya sister–maybe I just don’t appreciate food enough(?) for that type of worship and devotion. Now, on the other hand the IM at H&M–could be queue worthy….

  • Opposite Lipstick
  • Chava

    YES! Finally I’m impressed by one of your articles! Who would’ve thought I would be enthralled by an article on a Cronut? Very well written Leandra. Not to imply that that i’ve never been impressed by any of your compositions but lately Manrepeller has been losing my interest. But I suppose you’ve gotten your groove back?

  • Girlie Blogger

    Oh gosh. This sounds awfully tempting.

  • http://www.fancyalterego.wordpress.com/ Heather P.

    Every year for Mardi Gras, I introduce my un-indoctrinated college students to the paczki, a deep-fried jelly donut of Easter European origins, which in the Midwest has become a bit of a legend. I eat one, maybe two, and then don’t touch them again for another year. My husband thinks it’s crazy, even though around here they’re available for the entire Lenten season (a bit of a contradiction, I know). But I was taught self-control, and to appreciate a delicacy like this, it is to be savored once a year – not more.

    I don’t think I could do a cronut. It just seems, much like the paczki, too much. Then again, if Kanye raps about it sometime in the future, I might be tempted. ;-)

  • Kathy Jacobsma

    Opening Ceremony has an ANNUAL 90% off sale?!

    • Leandra Medine

      Oh yes (and they are still trying to get rid of neoprene from the Tron collection)

  • http://www.fashionsnag.com/ Fashion Snag

    Could never resist this based on the photo! I don’t like standing in long lines though.

    http://www.FashionSnag.com

  • http://www.minecraftgames.co/ Minecraft Games

    Very impressive article. I have read each and every point
    and found it very interesting

  • Andrew

    Baked goods provide the comforting feeling every time new collections go on pre-order on Moda Operandi and I can afford nothing.
    http://www.theinclub.blogspot.com

  • francesca

    here you are hailing the decadence of the cronut (wth! i have to try one of those), while raf simons is busy parading beanpoles dressed in non-edible flowering couture at Dior! http://bondi-roco.blogspot.com/2013/07/raf-simons-blooms-at-dior-haute-couture.html

  • A Thousand Afternoons
  • Dimitris Laskaris
  • Jo

    Omg I want that in my mouth.

    Jo
    http://www.thelittledandy.com

  • Kae

    And where can I get a cronut?

    • Leandra Medine

      A REAL ONE? Only on Sullivan and Spring.

  • andge

    What a groovy way to celebrate Canada Day.

  • daisy

    i die. freaking love you leandra!

    & Pretty Things

  • marinacasapu

    I think that lines are an american thing. If you come from another country it really jumps into your face. My first reaction, as an outsider was – why? 40 min waiting list at a restaurant? Why, thank you, I’ll try the one next to it, that has no line.
    You’ll see no lines in europe. Well, in eastern europe, for sure. It reminds us of communism, in those days we had to stay in lines for everything.
    But back to the cronut. Would I like to try it? Hell yes, I will eat everything that has croissant in it. Would I stay in line to buy it? No.

  • maud.schellekens

    Looks so good!

    XOXO Maud

    NEW BLOGPOST ONLINE:
    http://thirteentalesoffashion.blogspot.nl/2013/07/snapped-david.html

  • fhsjghk

    Your writing is getting progressively better (not that it was ever bad but I can definitely see that youre evolving)

  • http://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/ Newborn Fanatic

    Maybe one day the line will be nonexistent and then you’ll feel obliged to get a cronut. Just for the heck of it. :)

    https://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/

  • anna

    scandinavians think jews have a very strange face, especially the nose is very bad-looking,kinda scythe-like they say, . They call it ” Ful nasa”. the word “ful” is pronounced like the english word “fuel”. i kind of feel sorry for them, but maybe its the testosterone.. i´ve heard it increases the tissues inside the nose, especially bone mass.

    It´s intresting to note that the hebrew work “nasa” can mean both “to marry” and “to lift” and “to desire” among many other verbs..