Today feels a lot the way the opening credits for the Disney TV series Recess looked (Ashley Spinelli, anyone?). I’m inclined to jump out of my window, kick around the first dodge ball I can find and yell, “fuck this! I am out!” Of course, I won’t do that–but it won’t deter from my suggesting that you do.
The beginning of a holiday weekend can be tricky, especially if you’re a pessimist and understand that you’re likely going to have so much fun, it’s going to flash before your eyes and before you can even audibly remember that you forgot to file a W-4 work form at your brand spanking new job where your boss is a cross between Liza Minelli and Alan Greenspan, you’re right back at your desk, gazing ahead at the long road to Friday that appears like three huge orange traffic cones, laughing at your dismay.
This is precisely why I suggest that before you kick that dodge ball and head out wherever it is the vacation weekend may take you, there may be some value in one last scour through the online sales that are likely going to end before you could even say, “wait, 70% off?”
Also, yes. 70% off–in some instances, even more. Consider this abbreviated list of shoe-you-need an early holiday gift to kick start (Prada on foot) the four day rally of fun. Plus, if you order them today, you’ll have something to look forward to when you land back at your desk come Monday.
1. Prada single band satin and metallic sandals, $790, JK, $395.
2. Manolo Blahnik suede slingbacks (and, really now, you can totally wear these to work to assuage your boredom, too), $815. Kidding again, $312.
3. Stuart Weitzman unlikely, woven, flat, seductor, $355. Got you again, they’re $159.
4. Charlotte Olympia printed wedge pumps–they are highly impratical which makes them completely wearable, appropriate and worthy of celebration under every circumstance short of a yoga class. On sale for $462 (which, yes, is a lot, but not compared to their initial $925).
5. You mule-ing? Me too. Narciso Rodriguez and his bevy of backless wedge sandals are the unsung hero of this season’s most underrated trend. They’re practically begging for white pants or your flimsiest, most girly mini dress. $399 at Barney’s.
6. Jimmy Choo presents another opportunity to spend some cash but see decent return in the form of men gawking or at the very least inquiring about the amount of time it takes to get these babies on (I’m picturing this: hey, those look like they take a while to get on, can I buy a drink? How about a little cottage in Nantucket.) $1495–lol, jk, got you again, sucker. $448.
7. Still stuck on mules but with a proclivity toward a stiletto heel, you may want to consider this green number by Jenni Kayne on sale now for $190.
8. Or maybe you prefer a thicker, wooden, rounder heel. Fret not–Rebecca Minkoff has an app (option) for that. $122.
9. Woo! All this banter on high heels is getting me tired! Ask me to show you a mid-heel and I will digitally whip out this Marni sling back–aptly equipped with padded insole. Yours for $240.
10. Not low enough? That’s okay, these, by Pour la Victoire are. And they’re a multi-blend of colors that appreciate summer more than even Christopher Meloni ca. Wet Hot American Summer did. $164.
11. And finally, the a-ha shoe, for the hostess-with-the-mostess with a predilection for trapping ceramic figurines in a gilded, caged heel in Charlotte Olympia’s Birds of Paradise sandals. Originally $1,595, and then $1,068, and now, $801. I know, I know, it ain’t cheap–but didn’t you hear what I said about the trapped ceramic figurine? If ever there was an escapist shoe, this is it.
See, don’t you feel better about the deteriorating weekend already?
Title image care of The Coveteur