Are You a Cat Lady?
Of course you are. Let’s be real, you read Man Repeller.
Not since 1901, when Julia Davis Chandler paired peanut butter with jelly, have two separate entities gone together as well as cats and the internet (as evidenced by the deluge of Instagram accounts, tumblr websites and Pinterest boards dedicated to the self-helping domesticated pet) and conversely, cats and fashion.
Just look at the only breathing vessel capable of humanizing the venerable, often stoic Karl Lagerfeld. Without the tender love and care of Choupette, he would have remained an immortal paladin of the fashion scope. And in the wake of Prada’s newest ad campaign, utilizing one multi-grey fluffy, light-eyed cat and a pair of hands revealing just a slight sliver of mud colored leather, we’ve got to wonder if Prada has finally made the executive decision to hereby sell a feline-fueled lifestyle.
But the debate surrounding she who falls into the cat lady pool vs. she who does not has yet to reach a concise conclusion. In light of that, we offer an examining list of indications that suggest you are either bound to become a cat lady or – surprise! – you already are one. Both adoration of cats and behavioral likeness to them have been taken into account.
Needless to say (and yet we will anyway), we’re assuming the relinquishment of the loneliness-driven stigma attached to the term. Man Repeller’s own Kate has two and a boyfriend, after all. (Editor’s note: Tintin and Lightning were abandoned as kittens in a farm shed. I may not have started as a cat lady, but this life chose me and I have no regrets.)
Also, though, should you find yourself leaning in favor of the ocelots, it is important to understand that this propensity does not position you as the Miranda among your group of friends. Put that fear to rest.
And in the event you’re almost certain you hate cats (full disclaimer: sometimes I still think I hate them)–we ask this: have you ever met a bodega dog? No. Of course not. Only bodega cats are allowed to rule the deli kingdoms which often amount for over 50% of our nutritional existences. So why don’t you sit back, unwind, and read the below. Who knows, this might even save you a therapy session or two.
15 Indications You’re Becoming a Cat Lady (or Already Are One) as Cataloged by Team Man Repeller and one Molly Muirhead:
1. You love sourced-from-tumblr photos of cats with captions that run a gamut but almost always mean: “I can has cheezburger?”
2. You fully recognize that your propensity towards cat-related email blasts puts you on par with that kooky aunt who continues to forward ominous chain emails in a threatening array of font type, size and color. You feel justified by the quality of cat-content you share.
3. You’d describe yourself as particular – not picky – when it comes to cuisine. Since when is a refined palate a bad thing?
4. You find knitting/crocheting is sufficiently more enjoyable than clubbing.
5. When someone tries to make conversation with you at Starbucks at 5:30PM on a Friday while you sit with (just guessing): three coffee cake slices and a venti iced frappuccino in front of you, you squint your eyes and in a most obnoxious manner ask, “Does it look like I want to discuss the fact that it’s raining?” You then arch your back and move to another table, wishing you, too, could hiss.
6. You’ve been a black cat three times for Halloween.
7. You constantly have arguments with your friends, ending with your shouting “picking up dog shit is not the same as having a litter box. How can you even compare the two?”
8. You Skype with your friend’s cats (often named after controversial philosophers, see: Marx, Freud) and ask your friend to leave the room so you can discuss hairballs in private.
9. You have a recurring nightmare of your tail getting trapped in the subway doors on the 6 Train.
10. You’ve considered any of the below: buying the crafting with cat hair book, opening an Etsy shop full of cat sweaters, spending hours looking at catios on Pinterest (frankly, though, spending hours doing anything on Pinterest likely denotes your current or eventual owning upward of two cats), or harness training them.
11. You’re financial goal is to be wealthy enough to take your cats anywhere with you without judgement (though come to think of it, celebrity might be more valuable than wealth here).
12. You know the joy of creating an elaborate DIY cat toy.
13. You exhibit a fine predilection for embroidered socks.
14. You interepreted Charlotte Olympia’s cat pumps as a validation of your life choices.
15. You have and will continue to shun the distinction between cat ladies and cat women until death do your discernment capabilities part.
Photos 1-9 care of: Chanel, Prada, Chanel, Lanvin, Vogue (Arizona Muse), Vogue Paris (Joan Smalls), Vogue (Karen Elson styled by Grace Coddington, seemingly as Gracr Coddington), Love (Cara Delevingne), and Harper’s Bazaar (Karl and the ineffable Choupette.)
Cat collage: Charlotte Olympia kitty flats, Eugenia Kim Caterina hat, Maison Michel Yoko gold-tone cat-ear headband, Christian Louboutin Alex shoe, Balenciaga limited edition “Pumpkin” tote, Dodo cat pendant, Prada Kitten Key Ring, Miu Miu (not to be confused with Meow Meow) Cat-Print Satin Clutch, Givenchy Fall 2011 “Panther” glasses.
Did we leave anything off? Talk to us.