Your Summer Bling

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June 17, 2013

Well, beads actually.

Some universal truths about the summer: it is often very hot. This also often makes it very muggy. In trying to combat both the former and the latter, the typical human will resolve s/he will forfeit heavier (or more adventurous), perhaps slightly otiose-but-equally-if-not-more-awesome clothes in favor of practicality and utility that may come in the form of banal white, black or grey t-shirts and–yes–denim cut-offs.

While said human (let’s suppose she is a woman) might also suggest she is compensating for the lack of creativity evident on her outfit with a surplus of “statement” accessories like, say, metal bracelets, chain-y necklaces, chunky earrings, large rings and so forth, she is also doing herself a disservice. Why?

Because, to bring this way back around, it is hot.

No one wants to smell like alkaline when natural, fairly foul odor is already permeating bodily regions we (I?) didn’t even know boasted sweat glands. Or, I don’t know, maybe you do–but should you agree with me on this one, (please, agree with me on this one), I have a solution that comes as something of a nod to our collective childhoods and holsters the ability to, you know, make statements.

Rowan Jewelry (which I’d originally found by way of Charlotte while refreshing my Instagram news feed) puts the epic fun back in dysfunctional with an array of 14k gold or white gold chains that feature any number of pastel colored plastic bubble words, letters, or numbers, tailored to your liking. This means you can have necklaces or bracelets that say “Hey Baby, You Have Trouble with Transmission?,” “Where Ma Croissant At?,” “Put Me On a Fire Hydrant and Watch What Happens,” or to add salt to the tag of dysfunction’s worth, you can totally also try something like “Jerry Springer,” or “I slept with my uncle once.”

I opted for two necklaces that would sit around my neck approximately three inches apart. The shorter one would say Drake (sue me, Yeezus wasn’t out yet,) and the longer one would read, “Hey Hunk” so that every time I wanted to hit on a specimen (gender TBD) who was not my husband with an unabashed, unassuming wink and the gallant-yet-tenuous display of my kitschy-ass neck, I could do that.

This, of course, makes it your turn to submit yourself to the summer bling (ring need not apply) that good times are made from and say something weird without actually saying it, so, go.