Yeezus Says

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by Leandra Medine
June 17, 2013
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Two babies in one week–is “the new Steve Jobs” (his words, not ours!) living or what?

Can you believe Kanye West birthed two babies in one week? In case you’re not quick on the uptake, the first included his New York City-based listening party, which took place early last week at Milk Studios and parlayed into the subsequent leak of his newest album, Yeezus, last Friday.

An interlude for important attention to detail: in the event you haven’t yet acquainted yourself with the album, he credits God, the way, say, Calvin Harris might credit Rihanna, among his esteemed co-collaborators.

The second birth, of course, came in tandem with the aforementioned’s mother, Kim Kardashian and featured a literal baby who currently nests no name. (We’re continuing to vet quite relentlessly for Red Maple–let’s give Blue Ivy what she wants, dammit). What we do know, however, is that she is a girl, she might have a beard, and that her mom has a really, really hard time with cribs–case in point: this quote as shared by Kate from last night’s premiere of Keeping Up with The Kardashians: “It’s just, like, it’s not supposed to be this way.”

Until we know more about the latter baby, let’s focus on the knowledge we’ve accrued care of the former baby, do what we do best (fine, do in a most authentically sub-par fashion,) and offer superlatives to what we’ve rendered the most stimulating, flagrant, hilarious and controversial lyrics from the new record. What’s more? We’re going to go out on a nimble limb here and say–nay, delcare– that Yeezus is arguably the best thing that’s happened to our Friday–if not because it bled into the weekend to make it that much better than certainly because, well, hurry up with my damn croissant.

You know how the moment a person reaches senior citizen status, said person earns permission to say whatever the hell he or she wants without the fear of having to face penalization in any capacity whatsoever? We’re starting to think that rule may unlawfully apply to Kanye, too. Not that we’re trying to sway your opinion or anything, though. Nu-uh.

So, without further ado, we give you Yeezus: the incubator of transcendent intellect in matters of conceit, soul enrichment visa vi Jesus (no, really) and, of course, a fresh deluge of pop culture savvy that appears in a nod to the deceased Blackberry–RIP, RIM.

Most Politically Incorrect References We Could Bear Re-articulating:

“Put my fist in her like a civil rights sign”

“Gotta keep ‘em separated, I call that apartheid”

“Your titties, let ‘em out, free at last. Thank God almighty, they free at last”

Most Creative Wordplay

Uh, I be speaking Swaghili”

Our All-Time Favorite Lyrics of All-Time And So Forth (also, the precise variable that has made discerning that which we actually like vs that which we like ironically considerably more difficult):

“Hurry up with my damn croissants”

“I am a god”

Most Humbling Moment as Rapped by Mr. West

Uh, I’m so scared of my demons, uh, I go to sleep with a nightlight”

Best Humble Brag

“I just talked to Jesus

He said ‘what up Yeezus’

I said ‘Shit I’m chilling

Trying to stack these millions’”

Most Incomprehensible Lyric

All dem a gwaan dem a dem a dem a gwaan/ Dem a gwaan gwaan gwaan, chop it and spray”

Most Poetic Nod to Existentialism

“Memories don’t live like people do

They always ‘member you

Whether things are good or bad

It’s just the memories that you have”

Best Pop Culture Reference

“Leave a pretty girl sad situation

Start a Fight Club, Brad reputation” — Also, though, what?

Most Obnoxious Technology Reference 

“She Instagram herself like ‘Bad bitch alert’

He Instagram his watch like ‘Mad rich alert’”

Most Awesomely Nonsensical Technology References

“Damn your lips very soft

As I turn my Blackberry off

And I turn your bath water on

And you turn off your iPhone”

Best Sexual Non-Innuendo

“Baby girl, he’s a loner, baby girl, he’s a loner

Late night organ donor, after that he disown ya”

And finally, this one may be our favorite superlative and lyric for the most underwhelmingly bias reason because it is also likely outrageously untrue but hey–a couple of girls can dream–: Most Prevalent Indication Kanye Might Read Man Repeller

“Star Wars fur, yeah I’m rockin’ Chewbacca”

Now you tell us, have you listened to the album yet? What do you think? WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK??? (Above illustration by Charlotte Fassler, Rolling Stone cover c/o Rolling Stone)

REPLIES
  • Opposite Lipstick
  • http://thecornerapartment.com/ Elizabeth @ TheCornerApartment

    Haven’t listened to it yet, but did read the NY Times article on him. He really likes himself.

    Elizabeth

  • http://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/ Newborn Fanatic

    Oh man haven’t listened to his album yet but totally looking forward to it!! I read so much shit about Kanye in articles but whatever the case, or his case, love the music! :D

    https://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/

  • http://www.malindaknowles.net/ Malinda Frances Knowles

    lol leandra youve outdone yourself. loves this :)
    mali
    http://www.malindaknowles.net

  • frshsqueezed

    Listened to it …. He’s about to give a new direction to the sound of mainstream music again. Love the lines you picked, gotta give it to him he’s pretty awesome Kardashian baby or no Kardashian baby.

    Anett Farkas
    http://www.frshsqueezed.com

  • Bisous Natasha

    Gotta love the dude though for being in love with himself. He could care less and people will still buy his music and hash tag his phrases. Can we get the baby’s name already?

    • Rebeckah Apara

      So very true. I’ve already used Yeezus to express that something is great e.g ‘yeezus those snakeskin lapels on that Stella McCartney blazer are amazing! It’s not even English but whatever goes these days.
      http://www.velvetjar.com

  • http://fashiondawgs.com/ Fashion Dawgs

    You are mega obsessed with him huh?

    • Leandra Medine

      I don’t think even mega does it justice

      • Peet

        I like you.:)

  • Rebeckah Apara

    ‘You see there’s leaders and there’s followers but I’d rather be a dick than a swallower’. Kanye, the new Shakespeare.

    • NaomiPK

      brilliant addition to the conversation, made me laugh out loud!

  • Katie-Marie Isaac

    I will not fuel his fire, nor will I be listening to the album. However, I will be laughing at the articles I’m reading about it a long with everybody else.

    http://confessionsofafactorygirl.blogspot.co.uk/

  • Eileen

    hahah read this and I could hear the raps (I listened to the album). can’t wait until this kanye baby becomes official tomorrow! maybe he’s narcissistic, but aren’t we all?

  • SheanWow

    Love the album! A total mash up of his genius and arrogance! Love your write up!

  • Selena Delgado

    808′s will forever be my beloved.

  • brie

    And this is why I follow you.

  • DunnLookin

    The “Most Poetic Nod to Existentialism” lyrics you chose are sampled from a Beenie Man song; Kanye didn’t write them.

  • Anika

    I love it!!

  • Look Sharp Sconnie

    can’t discern the irony from the non

    scary situation
    nightlight demon scary

  • http://www.style-abuse.blogspot.com/ Marcia

    Haven’t stop listening since it leaked; “New Slaves” and “On Sight” are my favourite, but the whole album is brilliant.

    “Eating Asian pussy, all I need was sweet and sour sauce.”

  • Adrienne Mauro

    Please sell that as a print. Kthnx

  • NaomiPK

    Hilarious as per! Am Kanye obsessed too, so this post should tide me over/ make me laugh, till my pre-ordered CD arrives! …much like a long awaited little baby bundle! :)

  • Chelsea Badge

    I, too, am obsessed with him. One of my favorites was “When I parked my Range Rover, slightly scratched your Corolla, OK, I smashed your Corolla.” Genius.

  • domi
  • eeeeeeeeeee

    I had a dream last night that they named their baby “Red Wendy” soooo

  • Anna

    great picture! sportowy<a

  • http://www.fancyalterego.wordpress.com/ Heather P.

    Midnight can’t get here soon enough! I’m sure I could have ripped it off the internet for free, but buying an album this good seems worth helping Kanye buy some baby diapers for Red Maple. :-)

  • Guest

    He reused lyrics from a reggae song ““Memories don’t live like people do

    They always ‘member you

    Whether things are good or bad

    It’s just the memories that you have” aren’t technically his. Also it dem and gwan is how West Indians (naely Jamaicans) speak

  • brunetteletters

    I m so out of the loop, i had no idea hahaha…

    Anways…thanks for your thoughts.

    Im dying to know the name of the baby!

    http://brunettelettersblog.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.michelleesque.com/ Michelle Huynh

    Oh you forgot this one: “They ordered champagne but still look thirsty. Rock Forever 21 but just turned thirty.”

  • Susie Stenmark

    Don’t need to listen to it, got all I need to know from your hilarious review!

  • Belén Cavas Hernández

    Juaassss!!! I don´t know nothig about it, I hope his baby has more style than her mami.

    Muacckkksss.

    New outfit on the blog. Did you like it???

    http://iwanttobeavoguette.blogspot.com.es/2013/06/red-maxi-skirt.html

  • http://www.fashionsnag.com/ Fashion Snag

    Can’t wait to hear it and loved the review!

    http://www.FashionSnag.com

  • Renahy Young

    Love that you referenced HURRY UP WITH MY DAMN CROISSANT! because I can’t stop shouting it at people in situations that have absolutely nothing to do with croissants.

  • http://www.virtualmutt.com/ Virtual Mutt

    SUCH A GOOD POST. Dying…only a little. Maybe a lot.

  • Akaila

    Kanye will always be Kanye. You just have to love him and Yeezus is beyond brilliant. P.S. Now I want a croissant.

    http://rubypr.com/blog/

  • Trude

    In love with Yeezus!! but just wanted to add that the Most Poetic Nod to Existentialism lyric actually comes from a reggae song by Beenie Man.

  • http://eileentheooer.blogspot.com/ Eileen

    I was just listening to the album again this afternoon trying to type up my own blog post about Yeezus, I realized that “titties” line from “I’m In It” is exactly how I feel about bras.

  • Danielle Idan

    hahahhahahaha

  • sketch42

    His narcissism is so raw, pure and intense that its almost admirable.

    • Leandra Medine

      Entirely admirable

      • sketch42

        I love how he said that he doesnt regret the “Imma let you finish” moment, but that he regretted apologizing for it! HA! The balls on that dude.

  • Peet

    If that rule applies to Kanye it’s definitely unlawfully, his mind is far from old, senile or incapacitated in any way… Ok, no, all that money and fame obviously hurt him. But didn’t he go to India to reach some sort of enlightenment??:) Anyhow, he can turn up some nice lyrics though, he has some penmanship….

    http://www.forpeetssake.com/

  • Britt PYT

    Yezzy fan? Present. However, I cannot listen to this again for another few days-I will blow someone’s head off or mine! Production is insane tho.

  • Stacey

    You forgot “Spending everything on Alexander Wang”

  • Charity Dawn

    The brilliance of Yeezus will remain a treasured art form. I’m undoubtedly a Kanye West fan.

  • Monica Garcia

    Messiah of his own developments I’m just trynna be a disciple …. spread the word #yeezyseasonapproaching

  • http://www.quirkitout.blogspot.com/ Putri Soe

    Definitely one of the posts you just need to read until the end, unlike the others hanging dull-y on the Internet lounge haha. I think i might make a tattoo out of one of these lyrics. Kanye always has the best lyrics.

  • Maia

    Speaking of lyrics, have you been to http://www.snacksandshit.com/ ? The Kanye section is deliciously bonkers.

  • Paola

    I have to admit.. I didn’t like it.

  • katia

    I have to give it to Kanye, his knows how to play with sound.. but his lyrics are just painfull.. I love the ones you got down here, but the one that made me laugh the most is when he rhymes over with over (in hold my liquor).. about 4 times in a row then changes the pronunciation of “own ya” to sound like over so he can try to keep on the genius rhyming.. ground breaking

  • Michelle M.

    I’VE LISTENED TO IT A ZILLION TIMES SINCE LAST YEAR & IT STILL BLOWS MY MIND. GETS ME ALL TURNT UP!

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