Sunshine Blues

A How-To Guide for the Morning After, or: KEY ITEMS FOR KEEPING YOUR DIGNITY IN STYLE and TACT

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Written by Margaret Boykin, illustration by Charlotte Fassler

Day and Night. Night and Day.

The lyrics of this great Kid Cudi song also represent all too great a challenge for the adventurous young woman trying to make it home/to work/to the nearest bagel place on The Morning After. She may have slept at her friend’s or her sister’s or I don’t know, her hairdresser’s place the night before and whether the circumstances were platonic or not, it is disconcerting to wake up far from one’s own bed (unless, of course, it was, wink smiley emoticon kisses) with nothing but now broken heels from the previous night and a dress that seemed to make a lot of sense after red wine glass #3 but now looks a lot like something Miley Cyrus loaned out–after having borrowed it from Amanda Bynes.

Yes, this is New York and yes, there are crazy people aplenty, but the aesthetic repercussions of the morning after blues holster the ability to make even that man you see every morning using his hand as a cellphone on your local train, feel, you know, repelled. And there’s nothing worse than starting your day on the wrong, ill-dressed foot, which is precisely where I come in.

Those boy scouts really know their shit–we should always be prepared. You might think you’re meeting your great-aunt Greta for a cup of tea one evening but there’s no telling where the tea could take you–especially if there’s opium involved–and for that reason, you will need the following accoutrements in your bag. Yes, bag. Contrary to Man Repeller’s proclivity toward clutches, they do not holster the ability to help you think ahead, so.

1) Sunglasses. And I cannot stress this enough. Sunglasses are not just your best friend. They are your family. They are your mother, and they will hold you close when all else (credit cards, tampons, chap-stick) is lost. Sunglasses will make you look like you did this on purpose. Think about this for a second–a girl in a tiny dress and big heels at 9 am on a Sunday? Rough. A girl in a tiny dress and big heels and sunglasses at 9 am on a Sunday? Oh, neat, she must be going to church. Oh! Or maybe she’s a celebrity! Totally, it’s Katy Perry. Call your mom and tell her we saw Katy Perry.

Sunglasses lie to the world and say that you planned this, and you know what? You kind of did because you had the foresight to read this article and throw a pair of Illestevas in your bag.

2) A hair tie. But this only applies if you don’t have one of those really effortless, attractive pixie cuts (this also makes you far more interesting than I am thus forcing me to hate you, but I digress). A close second to sunglasses, the sleek up-do is truly your main man on the morning after. I’d bet your hair looked awesome and windswept and naturally ombre’d the night before, but right now it’s a two-toned, frizzy, moderately greasy disaster that should really be put away. It’s unlikely that a baseball cap will match with the theme of what you have going on visually so, put it up. Comb through it with your fingers and a little bit of water and tie that shit up on the crown of your head. See that? Now you’re Grace Kelly.

3) Concealer. You know when you’re getting ready to go out and you decide to throw your entire make-up bag into your purse under the misguided belief that you’re going to be put together and self-aware enough to give yourself hourly touch ups? Yeah, that’s stupid. Not once have I applied a second coat of eyeshadow after leaving the house. Not once. It’s taking up valuable bag space, and all you need is concealer. You’re not going to get all extreme-make-over at 9 am when you’re hustling your way out of wherever you are, so just take a moment to dab some concealer under your eyes–good-bye dark circles, hello natural beauty, man. Do you work for Abercrombie?

4) A thin, loose, long sleeved tee. This can function as a jacket in certain weather, it can be balled up quite small in your bag, and you can sleep in it should you have to. I like these, but frankly, anything light-weight high-necked will work. You can throw it over a dress and create a shirt-skirt combo, you can wear it in place of a revealing top (when I go through crop top phases, this is key. The world is not a rap video, I am not Kelly Rowland). You can experiment with layers and it’s nice to have a buffer piece to cover up with in the morning when you’re not feeling quite as ambitious about your bod as you were the night before.

5) Mints. Ah, bad breath–the indiscernible demon of the morning after. You need something that you can grab out of your bag in one fell swoop that will then naturally disappear. Tic Tacs work, (if you like candy in the morning,) but otherwise I’m putting forward Listerine strips and Altoids. See that? You’re a magical woman who never smells off and maintains glowing skin and a great top knot.

Note: you will also need these mints after you are done with your toasted cream cheese bagel with chives. Two birds, one stone.

The topic of odors brings me to number 6: Something that smells good. Deodorant, perfume, I’ve even used hand-lotion in a pinch. Here are some options, pick your poison and use it wisely. Dolloping on half a bottle of hand cream or perfume is even more suspect than a little bit of old fashioned B.O.

7) Footwear. Guys, we’ve made it to the most advanced step. This is only if you’re really dedicated to the morning after make-over, or perhaps if your boyfriend or best friend or special friend lives conveniently close to your favorite neighborhood bars and you do the A.M. amble on a regular basis. I like to opt for what I’m going to call the neutral shoe. It usually appears as a slight platform, wedge or short boot. It’s not distractingly high or obnoxiously casual. This shoe is flexible, it’s easy-going, it’s adaptable. It’s Switzerland.

So there you have it–winning at Morning Afters take nothing more than a little bit of planning, about a half a square foot of space, and some creativity. Shuffle all these things together implementing an attitude of indifference and you’re going to look and feel chic-as-shit wherever you’re going–I promise.

Important disclaimer: though bagels are not actually an item on this list, I reference them multiple times because if as aforementioned sunglasses are your mother, Bagels are your long lost lover, welcoming you home from sea.

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Thoughts?
  • SASSAFRAS

    is there a link to the items you feature, notably the sunglasses and the shoes!

    • Leandra Medine

      Yes–both embedded in the text (sunglasses is hyperlinked and so is “a slight platform”)

  • Somebody from Somewhere
  • tuttepazzeperibijoux

    love this blog, my favourite since i read the post about dezsojewelry..today lebole gioielli on my blog about jewelry
    ciao elena
    http://www.tuttepazzeperibijoux.com

  • Julie Meowmeows

    Some possible additions to your great tips, from someone who’s been there:

    -Wisp toothbrushes . . . they’re these teeny little one use toothbrushes that work like a miracle for morning after breath.

    -If not a thin long sleeved tee to cover up with, a black cardigan, that’s my go-to.

    -An eyelash curler! Curled lashes make it look like you tried, even if you didn’t.

  • Magda McCann

    I like this- I would note, tho if you have room in the tote: cleansing cloths

  • Catrine

    SO right about sunglasses…they automatically turn you into Katy Perry! :)

    http://hausofcatrine.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.farandwildjewelry.com/ abigail lind

    i like that you go for the schmear, you’re a classy broad. my walks of shame ran on dunkin because i am not.

    abigail
    http://www.farandwildjewelry.com

  • Joel Harris

    “Yes, this is New York and yes, there are crazy people aplenty, but the aesthetic repercussions of the morning after blues holster the ability to make even that man you see every morning using his hand as a cellphone on your local train, feel, you know, repelled. ”

    That sentence was practically edible.

    (now I go to stalk some other poor woman’s blog)

    ;-).

  • http://www.breakfaste.com/ Lauren Lynch

    Great post. Sunglasses and topknot… and no reference to the queen of the morning after, Audrey Hepburn?

  • http://www.simplyonelove.com/ erica jensen

    There’s been many times I have lost my hair tie & it’s pretty much panic. They are a staple in my life. Just wish I looked cooler in cool sunglasses.

    simplyonelove.com

  • Jackie @ Kleiden drew

    You’ve nailed the morning after/walk of shame (although there should be NO SHAME) routine. My gay ‘husband’ always packed light whenever he envisioned an evening away from home. No sad MAs for him honey. Fresh, clean and (relatively) happy whenever he walked into my door the next day. I’ve been subversively styling some of my cocktail dresses w/a tee, sweatshirt or denim shirt. Projecting I am? Hmmm… Oh and a slight difference for us west coast womens: flip flops. It’s in our damn DNA.

  • Hudson Berry

    Aw, bagels.

  • Coyote Jean

    All of this is absolute gospel truth. My sunglasses are so ingrained in my anytime purse assembly that I lovingly call them my pajamas. Never leave home without your pajamas.

  • Jenna-Mae Bilmer

    hilarious and insightful. great article :)

  • http://www.fashionsnag.com/ Fashion Snag

    Shoes are the most important for the morning after.

    http://www.FashionSnag.com

  • OLIVIA

    i am here to say that on saturday morning i found myself trekking back into manhattan from brooklyn, clad in a crop top and sequined mini skirt.
    for my own sake, and everyone else on the L train that morning…..THANK YOU.

  • Stylegodis

    Loving this!!!

    xx

    StyleGodis

  • http://www.quirkitout.blogspot.com/ Putri Soe

    I’m not a New Yorker yet i’d say this is so true! Especially on the sunglasses part hahaha

  • Cleobell

    YES! Nailed it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished for a hair tie and pair of sunnies. My only correction/addition would be a pair of cute, folding flats in your bag. Like TIEKS. Seriously, they’re lifesavers in these situations.

  • Marci

    Here you go Leandra. A soundtrack for your post. I couldn’t help but think of this song as I read your article. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IASXXLGFim4

    • Leandra Medine

      Genius. Thank you

  • dd

    this is perfect.

  • zoe_whip

    Walk of shame — everyone has been there. I don’t go ANYWHERE without sunglasses.

  • http://thecornerapartment.com/ Elizabeth @ TheCornerApartment

    Living in a college town, walk of shamers abound all seven days of the week. Here’s to hoping I won’t soon become one of them!

    Elizabeth

  • Bisous Natasha

    Now this is what I call a valuable blog post Leandra. Forget the look of the day. I need to make sure I look just as fashionable the morning after the night before. *ahem*. I have become a bit of a grandma lately carrying a sliiightly bigger purse which I leave in coat check. It usually contains my ballerinas for when Cinderella turns back into a peasant and frankly has no time to chase cabs in 6 inch Louboutins. I swear mini travel kits that they give away from time to time at pharmacies or when you buy a larger product are perfect for a “sleepover”. Mini face wash. MIni moisturiser and BOOM dab that concealer and you are good to go.

    http://www.bisousnatasha.com

  • http://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/ Newborn Fanatic

    I’m really into the thin long sleeved right now! Trying to invest in one and Alexander Wang or Gap are the price points. And I need that wooden platform!! Although I have a feeling that I might not wear them much.. dilemma dilemma..

    https://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/

  • singlegirldin

    And walk like it’s the “stride of pride”! http://www.singlegirldinner.com

  • caroline

    You are a genious! So hilarious and SO true

  • Manila Beauty Insider

    People should try stuff like this more often. Ugh, so relatable! Like I just had nightover before and I had nothing but a pair of denim cut-offs and a tank top from Forever21 – and did I say I forgot my toothsies? Gahd, forgive the toiletries.

    On a lighter (or should I say, serious) note, here’s what I have to say about Beauty and being a Survivor in Bullying via a Smokey Eyes post so lemme know what you girls think?
    http://www.manilabeautyinsider.com

  • Manila Beauty Insider

    I love this post!!!

  • AlexaPope.ca
  • Pblah

    so cute :)

  • Courtney

    This is too good.

  • Ayana

    Lmao at “This shoe is flexible, it’s easy-going, it’s adaptable. It’s Switzerland.”

  • Guest

    Love it! Felt like I was reading my own diary!!

    http://thehamditalk.blogspot.com.au/