You Go, Glenn Coco
Hey! Guys! Today is Mean Girls’ ninth anniversary. What are you doing to celebrate?
Can you recall where you were nine years ago today?
I for one, was standing on a fairly extensive line outside a movie theater tucked into 86th street just off Third Avenue waiting to retrieve a set of three tickets for me and my best friends because a new movie had just come out and there was no fucking way we weren’t seeing it on the date of release. I was not wearing pink and because I am almost certain it was a Wednesday, that enraged me.
Now do you remember?
Here’s a fun fact you may have overlooked in your quest to get through this particularly sluggish-in-spite-of-sunshine-ridden Tuesday: today is the nine year anniversary of the genesis and subsequent public premiere of the most important benchmark re lady etiquette since Clueless. Yes, folks, I’m talking about Mean Girls. And while sure, we haven’t hit the decade mark just yet, we see no reason why reflecting on the sage wisdom that Tina Fey’s characters bequeathed all of us isn’t as pertinent now as it will be next year, and as it has been for the past nine years. Frankly, it seems the limit does not exist.
In honor of the celebration (it’s totally a celebration, right?), here are ten of our favorite quotes from the movie, depicting the most important lessons The Plastics, Janice, Damien, Cady (not to be confused with Katie but pronounced like the latter,) et al taught us about, like, the rules of feminism:
1. I like invented her, you know what I mean?
2. Ex-boyfriends are off-limits to friends. That’s just, like, the rules of feminism.
3. I know having a boyfriend might seem like the only important to you right now, but you don’t have to dumb yourself down in order for a guy to like you.
4. There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don’t try to stop it.
5. Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What’s so great about Caesar? Hmm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss everybody, huh? Because that’s not what Rome is about. We should totally just stab Caesar!
6. Don’t have sex because you will get pregnant and die.
7. I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there are lots of things that can be wrong on your body.
7a. Calling somebody else fat won’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George’s life definitely didn’t make me any happier. All you can in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.
8. Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like total sluts and no other girls can say anything about it.
8a. Well, I don’t know who wrote this book, but you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores.
9. I mean, you wouldn’t buy a skirt without first asking your friends if it looks good on you.
10. Like, you might think you like someone, but you could be wrong.
This is, of course, just a rain drop’s worth of the lessons learned from Fey’s prose–which is where you come in. What are some of your favorite Mean Girls moments?