Spring’s performance anxiety is really weighing on me. Not just because I’ve been eagerly anticipating that irreplaceable first breath of warmer air or even because my scarves are huge and I am sick to the bone of sporting a paralyzed neck in favor of dodging end-of-season illness. No, this is because everything in my closet looks dismal, dated, and ready for retirement. So what’s a girl to do? Ah, yes, unilaterally peer pressure herself into plunging into the first spring funvestments with a pair of pants, a pair of shoes, and a brand new blouse under the premise that she can–and will–wear them now. When it gets warmer, she (I?) can even wear them all together. Neat!
Figure it cosmetic plastic surgery–a closetlift, if you will–only temporary, removable and quite frankly, a little bit cheaper.
Starting with the pants, which are white, and let it be known: if they’re loose enough, white pants are not tricky. Photographed below are the broken apart and subsequently stitched back together Alexander Wang white, cropped high waist, loose fit jeans. They kind of look like white ocean waves if ocean waves used dental floss and often got it stuck during the breaking process. No?
Wear them now (or any white jeans, frankly) with a sweater and darker shoes to a. compensate for your cold thighs, b. detract from their supa-summer-vibez. Also, definitely dance like you’re on Dancing with The Stars because these are the kind of pants that demand that sort of behavior. Photographed here: H&M sweater, Alexander Wang jeans, Giuseppe Zanotti x Anthony Vaccarello heels.
In Exhibit B, we’ve got the Etoile Isabel Marant cropped, vintage style, short-sleeve blouse that I wore last week and likened to a bird.
Because you are not as idiotic and lazy as I am, I would probably suggest taking the blouse to its genesis: any number of Vintage shops that specialize in linens and what have you before committing to the purchase of this particular one. Though I will say that the bell sleeves feel pretty magical when up against my airy (not hairy, though they are that, too) arms. I am also pretty sure I can fly but I’ll get back to you with confirmation on that one at a later date.
Wear them now with heavier pants–I opted for a pair of the utility variety and a wool beanie because the blouse is a linen blend and that combination makes for an interesting loop hole for initiated Jews. Jewish History lesson 101: According to the religion, the fusion of wool and linen in one single garment is frowned upon. (The supposition is that animals should not interbreed and in order to extract the two fabrics, animals must interbreed.) There are no rules, however, about the combination in two respective items and I do like caveats. Photographed here: Etoile Isabel Marant blouse, Dries van Noten pants, Golden Goose sneakers and beanie from American Apparel.
And finally, in matters of the footwear:
Givenchy’s plastic-ass sandals because Barbie was right, the plastic life is a fantastic one. Also, though, considering the deluge of clear lucite accessories dropping for spring and the mere fact that Cinder-no-fella deserves another chance to be heard (here, here, Phillip Lim for championing this trend), I want to say that no matter how ugly your feet are, which mine are (just look at that pinky toe, he is not a happy camper) it is very important for you to bare your all in order to better appreciate what you’ve got.
I’m not walking anywhere. I’m sorry. I just wanted to demonstrate movement and show off my sweet calf muscles. Photographed here: Surface to Air leather jacket, Zara vest (layered to compensate again for cold legs), Missoni dress, Givenchy sandals.
All photos by Naomi Shon.