The reasons we’re psyched that single sole pumps are back
I have referenced soles and souls so many times in the past 24 hours that as far as I am concerned, neither of which words are actually real words at this point. Do you ever do that yourself? Repeat something so often that it stops making sense?
Yeah. I’m glad we had this talk.
Now, I know what you’re going to say. You hate the resurgence of single sole pumps. (For the uninitiated, this is effectively just a pump sans platform.) Until six months ago I probably would have agreed with you. When I look down at my feet, cloaked in glorified daggers, and said feet are just like, “Leandra, why are you doing this to us? Have you no soul?” (see what I did just there?), I start to feel a little sorry.
I long for the days of shoes chunkier than Swiss cheese, heavier than the contents of my grandmother’s bra, bla bla bla. But do I really? Did I actually enjoy walking around with dumb-bells strapped to my feet? Sure, feeling that majestic, thick Filet Mignon of a cushion under my sole was nice most days, but did it look good? Did I feel good? I was practically numb to the happenings of the earth under which I stood. That’s no way to go through life. And if I’m going to suggest to you that “comfort is a state of mind,” I’m not going to take it back for fairer weather. Oh no.
On the one hand, who’s to say what’s in and what’s out, right? Wear whatever the shit you want! But on the other, maybe you don’t want to compromise your highly advanced trend-forecasting capabilities and wear shoes that seem, gasp, dated. I totally get it.
In light of the conundrum but not as a solution to it, here are some good reasons Team Man Repeller is quite frankly psyched that the single sole pump is back, burning holes into the balls of our feet and giving our pinky toes reason to give up on us once and for all.
Just kidding, guys, pinkies are historically ride or die. That big toe, though, I don’t know. Now:
1. Even for those of us with Bambi ankles, single sole pumps are wildly generous in matters of the arch and create the illusion of legs that are often approximately 4 inches longer than their natural length. That and, contortionism is very hip right now.
2. According to Charlotte: they are the first high heel that girls become acquainted with care of Barbie’s footwear choices and therefore there is an intrinsic propensity for girls to want to have them.
3. According to Mattie: the SSP (they are on an acronym basis) is the great equalizer of footwear. They maintain panache in a way that cheap platforms cannot and confer an elegance that lesser heels don’t. (She’s a newly converted fan and wanted me to tell you that in the early aughts she was “all about an espadrille, which made major waves” during a series placement exams she once took in high school).
4. According to Kate: Few silhouettes can highlight the perfect break in a masterfully hemmed pair of pants.
4a. There’s very little argument for a closed-toe pump being inappropriate at work (unless it’s outrageously high), and yet there’s a demure, almost dominant sexiness to them.
4b. Stilettos demand a distinct posture and an attempt at grace, where stacked heels or platforms are far more forgiving. It makes you a bit more aware of how you carry yourself, and perhaps even stokes an inherent confidence when you wear them well. The flipside, of course, is the crushing shame of leaving the house in shoes you have no business wearing, finding yourself hobbling by midday, counteracting any stylistic boost the heel might have provided.
5. You can almost always rest assured that you will not look like a wobbling penguin (see: myself in drop crotch pants) while wearing the pumps because they are designed for elegant ladies and elegant bitches don’t wobble.
5a. On that note, they also look phenomenal with denim cut-offs and, well, ’tis the season.
5b. We still seemingly gain ample respect when wearing pumps and proving our resilience. If not because we’re essentially trekking on our tippy toes, than certainly because the shoes are grown up and sophisticated. These are not the strappy 3.5-inch prom sandals that served as an entre into heel wearing.
6. Speaking of elegance, when asking oneself WWJD (What Would Jackie Do?), the answer is almost always a pair of pumps. If single soles are to Jackie O, which I reckon they are, the assumption is that maniacal platforms may fall under the umbrella of a less favorable figure in popular culture. And I’m not sure about you but if it’s raining and I don’t have an umbrella, I think I’m charging toward the former one. If not because it may be better quality nylon than certainly because I have always wanted to share an umbrella with someone who is no longer alive.
I miss Biggie.
7. There is, of course, an undeniable element of power at play. Step into a pair of sneakers and you’re comfortable. Step into a pair of pumps, however, and you’re invincible.
And 8, which is effectively #11, because even though you can likely file this one under reasons Leandra is a masochist, I fucking love band-aids! I use to deliberately paper cut the shit out of my fingers when I was younger so that I could believably wear them. (Naturally, I had very fancy sets ranging from those of Spongebob Squarepants to Powerpuff Girl-inspired variety). In the current climate, I am wholly okay with the neutral skin-colored ones too. The fact of the matter is, when talking about band-aids, band-aids as accessories, and the notion of “less is more,” is “less” even really a suitable descriptive noun? I think not. (rings by Khai Khai and Vita Fede)
Sold? Tell me why you like single sole pumps.