I Mean, Honestly

by Leandra Medine
April 10, 2013
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Sharing secrets because it’s Wednesday

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Illustration by Charlotte Fassler

At 5:22PM yesterday, I was almost certain that if I continued gazing into the heart of my computer screen (21st Century read: Google) for even one moment longer, the contents of my head would drop into my stomach and explode outward via belly button.

I was trying to chalk up Amanda Bynes’ recent bout of hysteria to the perils of having grown up a child star while simultaneously wondering if the rise in chunky, white rubber soles in high fashion shoes is a testament to growing popularity in sneakers. It was daunting. My particular health insurance plan does not cover brain guts emerging from umbilicus so I said to myself, self, fuck this. I closed my browser, hovered over the little bitten apple at top left, clicked “Shut Down,” and resolved to take a walk.

So what if I still hadn’t cracked the code on the motivation behind Bynes’ now famous tweet re: Drake, murder and her vagina (in that order)? I’d be back in thirty minutes and the quandaries would be waiting.

I put on denim cut-offs and a pair of white sneakers and left my building, (I was wearing a shirt, too.) When the Bowery’s hot air hit my face, I learned that summer had kicked Spring’s ass if even for just the day, and that felt magical. I walked through the northern tip of Nolita and into the outskirts of Soho before reaching what would become my destination: Washington Square Park. It was beaming with students basking in the fleeting summer day while loitering on the grassy knolls. There were so many of them that I couldn’t discern the difference between a real life Travis Birkenstock and the token NYU/New School students.

I started to walk toward the fountain.

Propped on a black stone bench approximately thirty feet from the epicenter of the park, a man sat with a makeshift, diminutive billboard made from cardboard that read The Strangers Project: What’s Your Story? A puddle of binders filled with white loose-leaf paper circumvented the cardboard.

“I’ve been collecting anonymous stories since 2009, there are currently 6,000 shared on the site. You can write whatever you want, here,” the young man suggested while handing over to me a binder and black pen.

“This is kind of like a religious confessional for writers, isn’t it?”

“It can be,” he told me.

I knew exactly what to write. I took the pen and binder and sat down beside him.

Before there were mobile apps, I began writing, there were Facebook apps.

And so it went that in 2008 Facebook rolled out the Honesty Box. For the uninitiated this was an app that, when installed, was plugged into your Facebook page just above the wall proper. It would allow friends–or by more liberal privacy settings, anyone, really–to anonymously comment in your box. If you’d indicated your gender as female on Facebook, the comment would reveal itself in pink, if you’d identified as male, the comment would appear in blue. When my ex-boyfriend at the time installed one, I had the brilliant (albeit illusive) idea of changing my gender on Facebook to male so that when I would inevitably write in said ex-boyfriend’s box, “you’re so fucking stupid. Leandra is awesome,” he’d know it wasn’t coming from me.

And that’s it! That’s all I shared! So why am I telling you this, right? Because after I’d submitted my story, I stopped to think about how unusual it was that I had previously felt so hungry to tell that story–especially, mind you, considering how often I subject you to this grossly antithetical mess of thoughts.

The notion of anonymously sharing something that seemed private–like a testament to the true nature of my creepy, dishonest and twisted demeanor–felt liberating. As far as I was concerned, the walk I’d taken to clear my mind (and, you know, dodge costly medical bills) had been the most successful endeavor of my entire day.

Which brings me to what I believe is likely the core of what The Strangers Project does–allows everyone that have a voice worthy of being heard, even if the voice in question doesn’t wholly believe in itself. I want to urge all of you to share your stories (either with TSP or with me–commenting anonymously on Disqus is easy.) It is a really fun exercise in throwing back Thursday the old fashioned way and coming to terms with personal situations that when uttered out loud really aren’t so bad. (Come on, you too have been forced to compromise your compass of morality for an ex at some point, right?)

You don’t have to answer that but please, do tell me something, anything. I just want to hear (read) your voice (words).

Oh, and in case you’re wondering how my story panned out, we got married in 2012.

REPLIES
  • Anon

    i ate 7 Mr. Big choclate bars yesterday. I might eat another 3 today

  • CTF

    i stole my cousins clean cabbage patch kid’s doll dress off her doll and traded it with my grungy, more worn out one in 1995. no one knows.

    • Leandra Medine

      OH MY SHIT. This just reminded me that I stole $20 out of my youngest brothers’ savings one time because he had $60 and I had $40 and I didn’t think it was right for someone eight years older to have twenty dollars less than he did. My mom almost fired a day worker over that. I confessed.

      I am a terrible, terrible person.

      • mom

        what else did you do? confession time… I am listening
        -mom-

      • PP

        I used to sell my youngest brother wothless stuff such as repeated pokemon cards -I know- in exchange for all his savings, exploiting him because I saw it on an episode of goosebumps. Felt great

      • googlydo

        What is the meaning of ‘dayworker’?

  • Royal Wang

    you really have a great ablity of writing

    everybody just follow my blog,and i will follow back,thank you

    http://www.fashionculturediary.blogspot.it/

  • Alessandra

    Goldie Locks and the Three Bears is really the story of how Baby Bear found out Mama and Papa Bear don’t sleep in the same bed anymore.

    • Alessandra

      In retrospect that’s not a secret, but I regret nothing,

  • Allie

    My uncle, who lives in Seattle, sent my family live crabs for my 8th birthday. I named them Spider and Bob (I was 7, ok?). As they slowly defrosted on my kitchen floor, we formed a special, Old Yeller type bond. Every time they twitched was magical. I watched with bated breath, waiting for them to take their first steps.
    Imagine my horror when my mother insisted putting them into a pot of boiling water. I still don’t eat crab cakes…..

  • Amalie Espeland

    LOVE the site! strangers project ftw

  • http://www.vintageobserver.com/ Couteau

    2 Our Fathers and 6 Hail Marys, my child.

    Not entirely sure this is helpful.

    • N G

      Whilst kneeling, perhaps.

  • Anon

    The other day I ordered in dinner for myself and I kinda sorta hid it so that my kids wouldn’t eat it. I think that’s pretty vile.

    • lisakristine

      I do this at least twice a week

    • anon

      that’s hilarious not vile at all

  • Rachel

    Another facebook story: I was crazy in love with a guy when I was in high school (but he wasn’t), and even if it was 10 years ago, I still think about him sometimes. A few years ago, I searched him on the internet, then on facebook, and I decided to leave him a message. When I wrote it it seemed okay, so I sent it…. but it wasn’t okay! When I read again later, I sounded like a total psycho, a crazy girl, or anything, but not in a good way!
    I don’t know why, but I am sure that I will see him again one day, and I absolutely don’t know how I am going to react at that moment, because I don’t want to seem as weird as I was on the message.
    Thank you for that exercise Leandra!

    • The psycho

      Same thing here!. I was in love with a guy 4 years older than me when i was 13. I was a total psycho. I even steal once a spoon he had used for lunch. (Yeah… i know) I still think about him sometimes and i check his facebook from time to time. I just saw him 3 days ago. He was with his girlfriend. He didnt recognize me but i wanted to follow him just like i used to 6 years ago.

  • xxx

    my ex did dump me because our relationship was too good to be true, his words, mind you! I, only 16 then, was really upset but the funny thing is, I can tell today with am age of 21 it definitely was the worst and most boring relationship ever, so I guess, we don’t end up being married at any time and that’s a good thing!

  • Gretel

    I pour my milk first when making a bowl of cereal.

    • laura

      me too, and it is really absurd to put cereal before if you don’t know the amount of liquid you have in the bowl. keep on my friend!

      • Anita Young

        but the cereal floats

    • Lilli

      which planet are you from?

    • Dracula

      I have family in Romania, and they do this too! Of all the cultural differences between us, I find this to be the most jarring.

  • http://twitter.com/selenaaponte Selena Aponte

    I’ve too written a personal story on The Strangers Project. I found it profoundly liberating to share a period of my life (that I would never otherwise share with even my personal confidante) to millions of strangers.

  • Sgravalli Fashion Jewellery

    I have so much to share that I am thinking of writing a book… one day.
    Life is really something, right?! But, until I find the time for this I might venture out to the website you have recommended. BTW, I love how you write. Thank you, Olja.

    • Velvet Jar

      Find the time. I want to read your book!

  • meloxm

    I created a false facebook account to contact the ex girlfriend of my recent ex boyfriend to ‘get to know her’.

    I spoke to her for about 3 months, pretending to be a guy, so she would tell me things about our mutual ex and i could console her about him being a total douche.

    Why did i do it? The whole reason she she became his ex, is because he cheated on her with me… !
    I felt guilty, so i basically wanted to give her some free therapy. There was about 2 / 3 occasions she asked if i was him… i kept up the charade.

    To confirm, I’m not a therapist. Or a man. Just a really bad and slightly odd person.

    oh… and with another ex, after we broke up, i hacked into his Facebook account (i guessed his security question) and deleted any hot girls he had added, along with deleting unread private messages from said hot girls. I tried to play god with his happiness… and won! I’m a bit proud of that one – as he cheated on me.

    Again, to confirm. I am a really bad and slightly odd person, but proud nonetheless.

    • Blou

      Can I just say I love you for this! Lol and I’m not even ashmed! First and defro second part! Oh to have been able to break into my exs FB!!! Would have saved me 3 years of heartbreak and longing! HIGH5!

  • Anon

    I really liked this guy and I gave him a letter, I’m in highschool You can imagine how that went .He told his friend I wasn’t his type and he didn’t want to be my friend. I mean, typing this out actually sounds like that guy you liked on the playground, but he ran away from you because you were, in fact, creepy as hell. But in this case the guy can’t stop staring at you and he moves his seat closer to you in the most obvious way possible. Oh and the eye contact that actually isn’t awkward at all. Its actually quite adorable. I mean I’m not sure if I’m in denial (I probably am) but I feel like he actually likes me and that whole “She’s not my type” thing is just a coverup. Well, this is enough honesty for one anon message, but it feels better. Wish me luck Leandra!

  • KRJ

    I have herpes. Not because I’m a slut, or a prostitute, or anything like that. I was young, and made a couple bad decisions. All I wanted was to feel loved, to feel special, to feel like I was worth something. I know now that I was going about it the wrong way. And now I have this disease that I have to live with for the rest of my life.

    • A friend

      You shouldn’t feell like that. Herpes is a highly widespread virus and risk of contamination is around 80% for sexually active people who eventually do not take precautions against STDs. The thing is the virus might be active (and therefore transmittable) and still not show any symptom on the infected subject — in fact, if I’m not remembering incorrectly, a very large amount of people infected with herpes don’t even know they have it because they never show any symptoms, and they still may contaminate others that may have the symptoms and never guess where they got the disease from.

  • tralalalaaaa

    It annoys the shit out of me when people judge or misunderstand me or others. I take it personally either way

  • http://www.facebook.com/francoise.tivrusky Francoise Tivrusky

    I was an unforgivably cunty roommate in college. Really it’s amazing that no one murdered me. I am sort of nice now. But possibly under-employed. So karma, I guess. But not enough for how shitty a roommate I was.

  • wtf

    I am in love with two people.
    Is that even possible?!!!!!
    I can’t fully be happy with any one of them because I am still in love with the other.

    • sms

      Totally possible…because so am I.

    • Lilli

      have you not seen the savages! IT’S POSSIBLE!

  • the narrator

    i require too much positive affirmation. i know this about myself. i just can’t help it. !

    i also ate a pack of three cookies in bed before i fell asleep last night, which was completely unnecessary. but necessary… and very satisfying.

    http://www.girlsongrovest.com

  • N G

    Honestly, although I love checking out your blog daily, I love the comments even more.

  • Aislin Barraclough

    The last line of this post made me unusually happy.
    When I was small my parents left me and my sister alone for about half an hour, in which I decided to make her a pixie hat out of some material that was lying around. My ”complex” idea for the hat didn’t fit with her hairstyle, so instead of changing the design, I changed her hair. I just removed her fringe with some scissors. Suffice it to say my parents weren’t best pleased when they returned. I never got the hat finished either.

  • anon

    i went through an entire sleeve of someone’s thin mints from the office freezer. worst coworker ever.

  • kk

    i still think if i say Oh my god (not gosh), my Mom will die.

  • Anon

    The first morning after when I saw the guy (with whom I had 3 successful dates) folded his underwear into neat little piles, I got scared, put on my clothes and left. I couldn’t be dating someone who is so sophisticated, perfectionist and (to me) verging on the edge of OCD – everything I am most definitely not. I got over my fear though and now organize my own closet sometimes. We’re still dating.

    • http://www.anorexicescapades.com/ BougieHippie

      I thought that was normal? Just me????

      • the (un?) social butterfly

        Right here with ya — if they fold my stuff too it’s even better! I think it’d be creepy (but not too much) if that happened right before sex, but next morning? Great sign.

    • Stephanie

      Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy all over again!

      “First off, I embarrass you. I can’t ski, I can’t ride, I can’t speak Latin , my legs only come up to here and yes I will always be just a little bit fat. And you, you fold your underpants before you go to bed”

      Yes i looked it up on google.

  • fracus

    While legally still married (but technically going through separation) – an Orthodox Jewish man (that was a co-worker), hit on me (knowing nothing of my separation) – so, we hooked up. I was ‘let go’ due to the economy about 6 months later, probably not a coincidence – that was 4 years ago. I am now converting, not for him (who knows where he is), for myself, however I am in a committed relationship with a modern-orthodox Jewish man; coincidence?

  • Aubrey Green

    When I was 4, I demanded that my mom take me shopping with her, for my Birthday presents.

  • Ruler

    I ordered the last Kenzo Tiger sweater from MyTheresa and paid 69 Euro!!!!! For shipping. They offered free shipping 2 hours after the order

  • Anonymouse

    Didn’t Post Secrets already cover this idea

  • Rachel

    Recently I went with my new boyfriend (kinda new – but he is also my high school sweetheart) to an annual event he throws with many of the friends he’s collected since he left me at 22 broken-hearted. One of these ‘friends’ once also played the role of ‘lover’ to him. I tried to be composed but half way through the dinner I stood up and exploded with a ‘I’m not comfortable with this!!!!!’ and stormed off to sit on the toilet and lament to my mother.

  • anonymous

    College decisions have me feeling existential, and it’s really all too much.

  • m

    When I was 18 my boyfriend cheated on me. As revenge, I convinced his best friend thst he was a terrible person, then slept with his best friend, creating a rift between them that lasted for 2 years. They are omce again best friends, and I haven’t spoken to either guy in 4 years. I feel no guilt, but we live in the same part of the city, and am afraid of running into them.

    • Anon

      I did this , too! No regrets. Right on.

  • http://www.anorexicescapades.com/ BougieHippie

    The comment section is my favorite part!

  • The runaways

    My mom used to go to a birthday club lunch with her friends when I was younger.. She would leave me with my then housekeeper/babysitter and my cousin would usually come over because her mom was also in the lunch club.. We decided to be rebels and leave to the closest shopping center without permission.. we were running away.. we packed snacks and all… At the shopping center we went to a baby clothe shop and pretended we were expecting mothers..(we were 9) my mom got home from lunch to find my housekeeper and babysitter crying.. 40 minutes later the whole town knew and they found us at the auto parts store shopping for wheels.. We told our moms we ran away because the housekeeper tried to hit us and she almost got fired.. I still feel terrible about blaming her..

  • Anonymous

    I keyed my ex boyfriends shitty Chevy Cavalier because he was super oppressive and awful. All the way from the hood to the beat up trunk.

  • Christina Ooi
  • xx

    It feels like every time a guy is nice to me I fall in love with them and keeping thinking about them. I hate it. I wish I could just meet a guy who is not only nice to me, but also adores me in a certain way (Is that too much to ask for?!)

  • Cynthia Brizuela

    I’m too scared to live the life that I’m craving to live and adore to blame it all on some anxiety disorder. I also get scared every time I watch Girls because Hannah and I are disturbingly similar. And I don’t trust people who don’t eat shellfish (this excludes allergies) or that add salt to their food before tasting it. This could go on and on and on…

  • Anon

    After my boyfriend and I broke up, he continued for a few months to pay for some bills in the apartment we had shared, where I still lived and he did not. I would lie to him every month about how much I need, and make up extra expenses, because he treated me like crap the whole time we were together, and I felt like he owed me.

  • C

    I once stole the keys to my parents’ boat and threw a party on it with some friends,,, we didn’t leave the dock, just drank Zima and smoked cigarettes. (Yep, I came of age in the 90s.) We cleaned up really well, or some thought. My parents noticed some candies missing from a candy dish (really?!) and asked if I had been on the boat. I, of course, said no. They called the yacht club and threatened to press charges for allowing someone to break into our boat and use it as a “love nest.”.

    I didn’t come clean on that story for 5 years”..

  • Belén Cavas Hernández

    Jajaja, Right now I don´t know how to tell you. But it’s true sometimes we need to tell stories, our private stories, which may not portray us as the best people, but hey, we are all human.

    http://iwanttobeavoguette.blogspot.com.es/2013/04/thousand-colors-on-gray-day.html

  • Belén Cavas Hernández
  • laura, aka junior haircutter

    when i was 11 i needed a haircut and my mom wouldn’t let me nor bring me to the hairdresser (because my locks were “so beautiful” she “couldn’t let me”). one night i told her i would cut my own hair even if she didn’t like it, she answer (while reading the newspaper) “so? cut it!”, i went right to the bathroom and cut my really.long.hair to leandra’s actual length. my mom almost killed me. i cried. the next day i escaped home and went to “live” at my grandma’s for a week. now my mom invites me to her hairdresser every time she goes, and i’ve successfully stopped cutting my own hair.

  • =^..^=

    I have two gerbils (Rumi & Hafez).
    And, no, I’m not six years old, either.

  • Melissa

    Well, one time I had a crush on a boy and when he started dating one of my best friends, I anonymously sent him chocolate chip cookies in the campus mail. Except the chocolate “chips” were chocolate laxatives. :)

  • Anonymous

    Although I am dating around I know I am already in love with someone (and have YET to tell him out of fear of the unknown (i.e. rejection) ). This someone I haven’t seen, texted, called, or skyped for over a year- have only written letters back and forth. To add to the love fiasco he won’t be back from his LDS mission for another 10 months.

    • Rebbeca

      do something before its too late and this person find someone else! Don;t wait until its too late otherwise you’ll never forgive yourself, trust me I’ve been there

  • anon

    I found out my first boyfriend had a new girlfriend and decided this was unacceptable. He’d cheated and I wanted to move on first (crazy pants). So I hacked his email and sent the new girlfriend an email breaking up with her. I denied it, even though it was clearly me. Still don’t feel bad, just a little ashamed I cared so much about such an asswipe.

  • Karma

    I was in really long miserable relationship and finally broke free last year. I’m worried that I’ve built up such a wall that will make it impossible for me to be loved. I really want to fall in love as I’ve never experienced it. I’m 30 next year and feel like time is running out, I think too much.

    • Cereal Dater

      I feel you on that.

    • lovelovesyou

      30 is the new 20. Go out and play and love will fall in love with you. No, seriously, it will. Ask anyone.

    • http://www.redshoesnoknickers.com/ Red shoes No knickers

      Lovelovesyou is SO right. 30 is defo the new 20 and needs to be explored once more. Never give up on love!! It’s not worth it. You gotta be in it to win it. Loving all this confessional shit Leandra. You’re like the new Rikki Lake minus the film musical background.

    • me

      I’m in the same boat, haven’t broke free of the relationship yet… but I’ll be thirty next February and feel the same way :(

  • Worst GF ever

    I adore my boyfriend and he adores me. But he talks about marriage and forever and kids and I’m 26 and want to live in 26 more countries before (and IF) I have any kids. I hate that I can’t say it back to him, but I can’t not be with him.

    • Ohshiza

      SAME! What did you do?! Mine has his dream job that chooses where he lives so its not like we can travel or move together. I’ve already left twice for months+ work travel during our relationship and he’s like plz don’t keep leaving its unfair which is true but then what? Dammmmitttt

  • Lucy

    I recite to myself “please go through” almost every time I pay for something, and beam with happiness if it does go through. Happened twice today, Zara and ASOS.

    • Leandra Medine

      This happens to me at least once a day which is why I’ve started using debit cards exclusively

  • Laura

    i put my shoes on before i put my clothes on.

  • Andreina

    When I was around 6 I shared a room with my younger brother (5 at the time) and would wake up every night while he was asleep and open his eye lids so I could see what the fuck happened to eyeballs while he was asleep. 10 years later, I still don’t have the answer I sacrificed all that sleep for.

  • Dandy

    Honestly, i love reading people’s honest/secret stories, it’s always fun when you can relate to them because its your little secret too.

    http://www.thewhatiwores.blogspot.com.au

  • laura

    You did?? I think I did fire that day worker after all… I still love you

    • Leandra Medine

      Oh my god. Mom. I TOLD YOU.

  • Lilli

    not to burst your bubble… but I’m currently residing in Thursday. Australia is HONESTLY winning!

  • Lilli

    Two years ago by boyfriend of two years and I took a trip to a tropical island where to my complete surprise, he cheated on me with 11 (yes E-L-E-V-E-N) people in 5 days. He then left to die and fend for myself alone in a foreign country. I boarded a plane mutha effing home 3 days into the trip (this guy didn’t waste time)

    How my story turned out?

    When i saw him 6 months later at our local pub i punched him in the face and I, yes me, I got a life ban!

  • abc

    Usually, I will hold the door for someone even when they are 20 feet behind me. But ever since moving to LA from the east coast, where people don’t seem to care about others, I’ve stopped holding the door for anyone. It’s my way of getting even I guess.

  • ana romero

    This idea is amazing! you are changing the way we see blogs! :)

    http://www.rockafollow.com

  • Anonymous

    I’m a senior in high school. After a whirlwind, perfectly romantic fall and winter my (now ex) boyfriend decided to out of the blue dump me “because it’s easier to break up now than before college” and then promptly get with a younger girl. I spend most of my time pretending I’m over it, but I’m still mad/outraged/sad about the whole thing and really just wanna key his car/scream at him in the hallway.

  • Cereal Dater

    So I think I may be falling for someone for the first time in my 28 years, and he’s completely inappropriate for me. I’m terrified.

  • Malena
  • disqus_9cG7z4pUEF

    I’m supposed to be going with one of my friends to a concert this summer. I bought the tickets and she Hasn’t paid me for hers. We haven’t talked about it for close to a year. I’m not taking her any more and going with my sister instead. Only problem- my friend doesn’t know. Slightly hoping she’s forgotten/ we won’t be friends by then.

  • Uncatholic act

    When I was in kinder garden I told a friend that her parents where going to EVENTUALLY die, which was a no brainer for me, she told her father who then told my catholic teacher, who tried to make me confess in front of the whole class, which I didn´t till this day. She added me on facebook now so I remembered.

    • anon

      I remember talking with a friend who had really religious parents about periods (we hadn’t started ours yet), and how once you start it you *can* get pregnant. Apparently I put a horrible fear in her that she would get pregnant out of nowhere, and she prayed each night that she wouldn’t get pregnant until she was ready! And people don’t want sex ed in schools…

      • Cait

        When I was in elementary school and I learned about periods, I thought that once I started, I was going to bleed continuously forever and would always have to wear a pad. I was horrified.

  • AM

    I was 5 and invited a friend who just came out of hospital to play. I don’t remember what she did or if she did anything, but out of nowhere and purposefully I decided to throw her an empty thermos flask to her head, she saw me do this, cried, my parents saw her cry and of course I accused my little (3 years old) brother. To this day they remind him how awful he was. I still haven´t come clear. I know I’m terrible

  • anon

    i have a really bad habit of not eating regularly but when I do I eat a lot. Then when I feel bad about over eating I feel depressed and eat somewhere and plan my fitness routine that usually only lasts 1 day or not at all. ex. today I went for a long walk because I’m too nervous to go to yoga alone. Now that I am back home I have the urge to order a pizza and eat the whole thing.

  • I don’t know

    I just turned 20, I should be a Sophomore in college. I aspire to be a fashion designer, i’m also pretty talented. My freshman year I went to fashion school in NYC. I excelled in numerous internships and was having the time of my life, along with a high GPA. I assisted with a show this past season in NYC, and you were supposed to be there but you didn’t go. Anyway. At the end of the year (2012) I found out there was no way my parents could pay for my tuition. Therefore I had to drop out. I have exactly no idea what i’m doing with my life now, along with zero direction. All the people in my small town don’t how to give my advice on. I’m completely lost and praying for miracles.

  • Anonymous Girl

    I miss him all the time. And when I think about him a lot, he contacts me. It’s weird and crazy. I sometimes feel like he and I were so meant to be, our hearts hear our thoughts.

  • Secret Sauce

    My friends don’t know my secrets….but today they were making fun of a girl with the same secret, and I joined them…I felt so guilty.

  • BigOl’GhettoBooty

    When I was in fourth grade, there was a boy in my homeroom class who relentlessly pursued me. I actually don’t remember anything about him physically except for his unibrow, and to this day I refer to him as “Unibrow”. He professed his love to me almost every day, and every day I told him he was stupid and kicked dirt at him. Finally, I could take no more, and so I concocted a plan of devious proportions. I came to school one day coughing, and feigning a resignation to the world, I gave into Unibrow’s advances. I told him I was dying, and he believed me. I let him come over to my house every couple of days over the next few weeks, progressively getting worse. My timing was impeccable as summer was a week away now, and Unibrow was moving back to El Salvador after this year. Why I didn’t wait until he moved back was apparently beyond fourth grade logic, and I was committed to the act now. It became a part of me. On the day that school let out, I gave him a goodbye kiss. I then paid my older sister twenty bucks to call him, pretending to be our mother and give him the “bad news” that I had finally, and peacefully passed away. He cried. Over speakerphone, I listened to Unibrow cry and mutter my name, followed by a slur of Spanish. The deed had been done, and I thought I was done with Unibrow. Nope. More than ten years later, on the first day of my History 1301 class, I saw Unibrow. Sitting. In. The. Front. Row. And I nearly, actually died. I transferred from the class the same day, despite it being a requirement for my degree. I have now made it my mission to avoid him on campus. Karma, man. Am I right?

  • :)

    I stole $420 from my roommate because i thought she was too dumb to ever find out. She did.

  • L

    i liked a guy for a year. when he found out, he made it clear the feeling was not reciprocated. we had a huge fight one year later when he was mean about one of my best friends. he started telling everyone lies about me and the friend i stood up for took his side. now neither of them are in my life and there’s no reason why i would have to see them, but i still stalk their facebook profiles and get mad every time.

  • Dina

    one time i was talking to an adorable guy and accidentally farted (damn you, mexican food). then proceeded to blame it on my french bulldog, Maurice.

  • http://twitter.com/VVHATIF_ VV H A T I F

    confession obsessions !

  • Kelly

    I’m lucky enough to have met and married a man who I genuinely feel has saved my life. He literally is as close to perfect as it gets. I did not have a good childhood and as a result I am still so shocked that I have been blessed with him that I check my phone everyday at 10am to see if there are any missed calls from hospitals/police in case he had an accident on the way to work. It’s even worse on the days where he cycles into work. I know this is not normal but somehow making him put my number in his phone as ‘ICE – in case of emergency’ makes me feel slightly more in control of his safety.

  • Manu

    thanks for this amazing post

    http://www.manuwears.blogspot.de

    xoxo manu

  • Claire

    I was about 15. I was asked by my father to turn the central heating off at 9 whilst he and my Mother were out.

    So I did. But I got curious. And I wanted to know what would happen if I took the whole thing off the wall.

    We had to get a whole new system put in.

    I bullshitted this crazy story about how it just kind of fell off the wall when I went to turn it off…. still, I WAS FIFTEEN!! WHO DOES THAT?! Me. Idiot me. I still feel guilty about it.

  • Alba B.

    I don’t want to imagine how is the story going to be when you will discover you are pregnant because most of the time that happens to be a GREAT STORY that you will never forget!!!! And it will look always like the happy ending of your today’s post.

    I know it is not going to touch you to the near future but your boobs will pend for the FUTURE FUTURE to be used!!!! And I believe you will be a very spontaneous mum!!! That is how I imagine but lets leave that to future.

    You want to know a honest story?!!! It’s so damn hard to be a WOMAN but is such a beautiful thing and I am glad to be one.

  • Gen

    My mum told me i wasn’t allowed to shave my thighs, and so I left the thick hair juxtapose my smooth lower leg for a a good 2 years thinking it was obscene to shave above the knee. Then one day I kept going up and it was the most glorious feeling to have smooth thighs. Alas to this day i hear my mum’s voice when I go for a good shave.

    • Jessica

      What is with this idea?? When I was a pre-teen, we would say that only slutty girls shaved above the knee, and that you shouldn’t do it anyway because the hair grows back thicker. Who started this strange myth, I wonder, and why does it continue to perpetuate? Why are people opposed to smooth hair free thighs?? We really have to be more vigilant to not pass on these neurotic ideas to our next generation of girls. And people wonder why girls have so many body issues.

  • Lauren

    In preschool I stole a hair clips and a plastic juice-box holder from lost property. I still feel guilty.

  • PA

    22 years old, know that guy for 6 years, yes 6! loved him from the first moment, but he’s just to afraid to commit (yea right!) even in a relationship!, never told him that i love him, why? MY PRIDE & DIGNITY PEOPLE! i just can’t but he knew for sure, he love me he love me not? he don’t know for sure i think.. but that was 6 years ago nowadays, i’m sure he loves me but i can’t love him back like i used to be.. broke my heart to many times to forget.. #storyofmylife and yes still didn’t tell him that i love him or even he told me that! yes sucks!

  • anon

    a few years ago i was totally in love with a guy who i was seeing/sleeping with for a while, only to find out a few months in that he had a long term girlfriend. the first time i saw them together, i went out the next day and bought the same dress she had worn the night before. although i did love the dress, if i’m honest with myself that’s not the reason i got it. i dont know why i did. it still makes me feel weird.

  • Ellen

    I live in Finland. Its a sad country (lets be honest none of you knows were that is). When I grow up Im going to move far far away. My story. (dont mind the spelling Im fifteen and English is not my language).

    -newborn Repeller

  • idk

    I was hoping to hook up with this guy since 2012, he is so fucking adorable and french. He was sent back for a little while and then when he was back I never got around doing anything. Finally, at a party recently, we were all collectively messing with him, and asked him what if you could have absolutely anything in this moment, what would you want…and he said he wanted MEE! Great. So there we were. Made out and shit. It was sweet. And then finally when we got to the bit where there should’ve been fireworks, there were none. HE IS SO FUCKING SEXY. But can’t get it up. :(
    Sorry, I shouldn’t say stuff like this, but I just wanted to share my frustration cus I can’t really tell anyone…THIS..and then I read this post, and thought to myself, perhaps this is the perfect opportunity to let it all out….I really don’t know what to do. He is still so adorable. I think I’l try and make it work. I can live without doing it, I suppose.

  • Leila

    I am in a happy relationship but I still think about that guy that slept with me and never called me again.

  • Maria

    I slept with a guy that I had a crush on when I was 9 (I was 26 when I slept with him). Turned out to be very disappointing…. Good looks don’t always translate into great sex.

  • laura

    I went to stay with a school friend of mine almost a year ago and met all his university friends. I ended up sleeping with one of them, and did so again the next time I went to visit. Lying in bed with him, I asked if he wanted to do this again the next time I visited, no strings attached, no commitments style, because I liked him, and he made me feel interesting, he was different to the other guys I’d met, and his music taste was impeccable. He said sure, as long as it was no commitments style. When I got home I cried uncontrollably, and I’m still not sure why. The next time I went to visit, we lay in bed awkwardly without touching, and when I finally asked him what was going on he said he felt ‘obliged’ to sleep with me, and that he didn’t want to anymore because he felt he was leading me on and that I would want something more from him. We did end up sleeping together one last time. We’re sort of friends now, though it took us quite a few more visits to actually have a conversation that didn’t feel tense. It also took me a long time to admit to myself that he probably saw right through me – I was pretty much head over heels for him, and he probably subconsciously felt that and backed away.

    While I am alright with the fact that we will probably never be together again, I wish there was a way to tell him that I still feel very strongly for him, in a way I haven’t for anyone in my entire life, even though I know he doesn’t feel the same about me. I also wish I could tell him that his ‘I feel obliged to sleep with you’ comment ruined me for several months, and I couldn’t trust anyone’s advances towards me because of it. There have been other guys since him, but he’s the only one I still think about, and the one person I miss the most.

  • me-duh

    im meeting with my supposed “best friend” today after work..we have been friends since junior high and “best friends since freshman yr of college…she has been seemingly dodging my invitations to meet up (alone) for months since we had a huge fight last summer.

    The fight was basically me being angry with her (and one of her co-workers) for constantly tryin to get me to un-manrepel myself (well it comes off that way)…im an aspiring designer and the way i dress is a HUGE part of me…if im sad my outfits are lackluster and when im happy…u get it…so when they asked me to participate in a “dress down” day, in neutrals only (i LIVE for color especially saturated and neon) i was offended…they offered to wear colors as a consolation…again offended….

    my main issue was not wearing neutrals (which i do but just in my way) but why they always felt the need to mold me? why were/are they so concerned with how I express myself? it does not affect them in any way…i am eclectic but thats me..and im in fashion not corporate like them..so its a non issue…and my supposed “best friend” should be the 1st person to understand/see how i feel about it. When i confronted them about it, they down played it and made me out to be too sensitive…maybe i am but what i wear is up to me and me alone..and i never try to stifle others in the way they express themselves so why do it to me?

    so we are meeting today…having really spoken since all this happened….and ive kinda gave up on the friendship in some ways…im still fine with being friends but dont think she is very deserving of being called a best friend…

  • afraid/excited

    My boyfriend and I are about to move to NYC and I am afraid that I won’t be good enough to get into the school i want, be able to get a job I like, or make friends. But most of all I am afraid of not being able to dress the way I dream about or get to live the life i imagine. I guess that’s terribly shallow of me-but I day dream about being chic and confident. I guess I should work on loving myself ad the life i have and the rest will follow suit.

  • Stephanie

    Im on a Sex and the city binge while (again, binge) eating “a touch of sea salt” dark chocolate that was supposed to be for my sister in law. oops. 2 things to add. 1. Why are all the damn comments about men? 2. You all should really try this chocolate, it’s amazing.

    http://schellemybelle.blogspot.com/

  • Shhh…

    Three years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend and he started seeing someone else (as did I…quite a few people actually). We got back together 6 months later, moved abroad together and are now engaged. I still internet stalk the girl he briefly dated all the time. I’ve even grown to like her, and am anonymously invested in her life.

  • Amy

    When I was 15 I was babysitting with a friend on New Years Eve and decided it would be a good idea to raid their alcohol cupboard and get hideously drunk. I have no recollection of the rest of the night, only that I woke up the next day covered in puke. We told our parents we both got ‘sick’ and they spent the rest of the day being nice and asking if we were okay. I still can’t believe we did it and i feel so guilty!

  • Lulu

    When I was 18 I left Australia to come to Ireland and meet a boy I’d been speaking to on the Internet for 6 months. We got engaged after a few weeks, kept it secret for a couple of years and married when I was 21. I’m now 29, pregnant with our first baby and happier than ever.

  • http://twitter.com/beth_e2 Liz Engle

    I tell people I deactivated my Facebook account because of privacy issues.

    The truth is- I’m still on Twitter and I just wanted to avoid old high school/college acquaintances, family, local neighborhood drama, and other things that are best left to deal with in real life than over the internet.
    Love the blog!

  • Aldogga

    Leandra…I’ve been reading your blog for about 3 years i think…have you been around that long?…first of all, I love your first name…second of all, you seem like a rich bitch ( bitch in the lucky/wealthy/1% sense, not in the twat sense)…third of all, your voice is hilarious. I wouldn’t emulate your style but I appreciate it. I am writing this b/c you asked for feedback. I’ve had your blog has been bookmarked for…3 years. So thanks.

  • Anonymous

    I frequently snuck out of my house in high school to pursue debauchery, grimy boys who did “hair-flips”, and the like. One afternoon on the way home from school, my dad twisted the volume dial on the radio until the car had been engulfed in a deafening silence; this was always a bad omen signaling that I was in trouble. He uttered, “I don’t mean to freak you out but… Our house may be haunted. Every now and then, the basement door creeps open in the middle of the night, and then quickly closes.” I’ve never owned up to being the aforementioned supernatural being. The memory of me nodding and exclaiming, “Who you gonna call, GHOST BUSTERS!” haunts me to this day: if haunting took the form of hysterical giggling fits.

  • Anonymous

    Lately, I’ve been struggling with why I am the way I am.

    As a young child, I experienced many different types of abuse. I went through every type of abuse a person can think of. I was mainly abused by the person every child should be able to trust. That trust didn’t exists in my childhood. 18 years later, I can’t seem to know why I am the way I am. I never had the urge to rebel growing up. I’ve never done drugs or smoked. I never got overly intoxicated with alcohol, I was always in control. The only issue that I have is sometimes my mind polluting itself with toxic negative thoughts and doubt about myself. Just about my self worth. But other than that… I am fairly healthy. And I don’t understand why that is. I see so many people who cannot cope with the traumatic experience they been through. It affects them for years or for the rest of their life. I’m 25 married to a wonderful man. I have a great career. I love my life. Why am I an exception? Sometimes I can’t help but to feel guilty for not being fucked up like most people who’ve experienced similar traumatic events in their life.

    • jennikint

      The terminal fuckups from backstories like yours are the stories you hear. Some people come out of that stuff and carry on going. I don’t know what makes the difference either (character? luck? the support you get afterwards?) x

  • Mercedes

    This is so amazing. People’s stories.
    I was in 1st grade when I had the greatest colorful gel pens to ever exist. On them, with white out, I wrote my name. From time to time I scratched at the white out.
    At one point, they went missing. In which all of a sudden, my “best friend” had these colorful gel pens. I called her out, and she said she didn’t steal them – just bought her own, used them a loot the night before school, and wrote my name on them with white out because she thought it’d be funny if I thought she stole them. Needless to say, I stole them back, and when she asked why I had them, I said that they were mine. After all, didn’t she remember that she hadn’t stolen mine, so clearly I still had them?
    She couldn’t say anything without admitting that she stole my pens in the first place, so that was that.
    I know it was 14 years ago, but holy crap. What kind of rude bitch steals awesome pens from their friends? I’m still reeling.

    http://style-chain.blogspot.com

  • http://twitter.com/KathleenSweet Kathleen M.

    This…is pretty awesome. Submitting my short yet short lived story now ;) Thanks

  • Ruby

    I have been totally crushing on this guy for about two years and at one point thought maybe he thought that too even though he is totally out of my league.. Haven’t spoken to him in a while but keep seeing him around and I feel this must be a sign. I want to get the courage to ask him if he wants to get a driink some time? I will be so heartbroken if he says no/ I know I will never have the balls to do it.

  • Young and Dumb

    when I was 19 (sophomore year in college) I dated a guy for around 6 or 8 months… he was 36, or so he told me. Now that I’m 31 and have a number of friends who are in their late 30′s and early 40′s and I see how old, or rather not old, we look… I’m pretty sure he lied to me about his age, thinking now he must have been in his 40′s, Feeling like I should have snuck a look at his driver’s license. He was in the middle of a divorce at the time we were seeing each other and was crashing at his brother’s house, so we used to meet at hotels for, well, you know. It was fun while it lasted (he got back together with his ex-wife after the divorce was final) but that one goes in the major mistake file! Oh, and I dumped one of the nicest guys I’ve ever dated, who treated me like I was a Goddess, to go out with this ass.

  • Wendy

    I was dating this guy who I met my freshman year of college. I was 18 and he was 24. We dated for about 4 months and never were an “official couple” next thing I know he says he has a girlfriend and that we should be friends! Out of revenge I became close with his best friend who knew everything that had happened and we ended up sleeping together. When he found out he asked me how I could’ve done that (some men have no shame!) I said, the same way you did it to me. He called me last December saying how sorry he was and that he had left that girl because she wasnt me. I said that wasn’t my problem. Revenge is sweeeeet ladies!

  • Heytheredelilah

    I hacked an ex’s MySpace page before the days of Facebook after he broke up with me and changed his profile picture to two guys kissing and made out he was gay.

  • WhyHer

    I regularly stalk the girl my boyfriend had a brief fling with. I still wonder what was so special about her or what she was like in bed. In an Arguement he mentioned she went on top and to this day I still think he thinks of her when I go on top.

  • bad driver

    I just read this, as I need a break from reading/watching news coverage of the horrific events in Boston, and it’s made me laugh and feel a little comforted by the normalcy. It’s egalitarian: we all do little “bad” things and feel awful for years. It’s the American Way. Then someone does something truly disgusting, and it lends a little perspective. Regardless, I’ll add my confession in the spirit of appreciation for the distraction:

    I was running late for class and trying to find a spot in the full-to-capacity parking lot at my university’s library. I drive an SUV, and as I was trying to maneuver it into the last free parking space I totally hit the small, white sedan in the adjacent spot. My car, not surprisingly, was completely unscathed. And I left a huge scrape on the back fender of the other car. I quickly backed out and drove away. No note. Not even the slightest attempt to find the person or rectify the situation. It was so shitty, and I’m still really, really sorry.

  • L

    Have you ever got into a plane hoping for the love of your live to seat next to you?
    I had, two years ago I went north to celebrate my niece’s birthday with my parents (whom I don’t use to travel with) they got their own seats and I was by my self, so I prayed (for real) that I hadn’t been given a seat partner, but I did.

    The most ridiculously hot guy was next to me, with a smile and offering a hand shake, introducing himself, he was “going back home” traveling with a “flip-flop” backpacker type he met during his travel whom also happen to live in Vancouver, although he was the “lord type” in a crispy white shirt, a Goyard carry-on, and grey skinny jeans, we talked briefly and then I had the most awkward 5 hours of my life, he looked at me, I looked at him, he looked at me, i looked a him, i looked at him, I looked at him… Kidding he really was staring… I decided to close my eyes and when I opened them, he was reaching the window, face frontal looking at me ( first thing i see: is eyes… just like in a movie… thats when i though OMFG He is into me)… I hate touching strangers…. and you never touch another person’s leg while seating on a plane, but it happened, several times… He also sat so loose that his pants crotch was extended and it was very weird to me his hand rested there over the extended fabric… He chose a documentary on Vik Muniz (a brazilian artist that works with trash) by then I was madly in love with a handsome Canadian named Inge, who dressed sharp, liked art and beer and was friendly enough to introduce himself as soon as he seat-belted.

    Custom forms time, guess what? I had no pen, he had! so I blatantly rested over my table looking at his form while he filled it, no words needed.. he passed his pen to me, and I filled mine. by the time we arrived the (chair arm/love barrier) between us was up and lot between the chairs, Toronto, early morning, he got up, asked which bags up in the compartments were mine, pulled them down and hand them to me, then offered his hand and said emphatically (name.. It.Was.A.Plasure.To.Meet.You) I said “Inge,It was a pleasure to meet you too”, then I had to walk really quick all the airport moving walkways (you know? Where Feist jumps and dances in “My Moon My Man”… there are tons of those) he was taking another plane, my stop was that one while the immigration lines i did not care Mom and dad where next to me (all we ddi was stare at each other)… that was it, later that day I would scream (when alone) for being such a stupid person and not handling him my contact info or doing something else( flirting more maybe?). Later on, everyone I told the story I said he gave me his info on a boarding pass but that I had lost it, because other wise no one would have believe my story with such a boring end, and I did not wanted to feel like the most stupid person by not having done more… I thing the “Canadian Lord” gave me enough signals and I did not catch them… Anyhow the end is good to it cause it was so surreal it is nice to keep it as somehow the dream we all have of “the moment I found love on a plane”

  • Beks

    At my cousin’s wedding a while back, I ordered just straight cranberry juice BECAUSE I LOVE IT OKAY? but what I got was no Cran-Juice-Spray-whateverthefuckit’scalled. No sir, I got straight up real deal immensely bitter cranberry juice, so after I took a sip or two, I tried putting it on the a ledge, and then someone returned it to me. I then attempted to get rid of it by setting it down on a step. Someone FUCKING tapped me on the shoulder and was like “Is this yours?”. Thank you for the kindness but not. cool. Can’t you just let me casually leave my cranberry juice wherever I want MAN? At this point, I was carrying it, eyed what looked like a “trash can”, and quickly threw the drink away in said “trash can”. I put “trash can” in quotations because to my surprise the trash can was not a trash can, it was just a large cylindrical bin being utilized to hold THE ENTIRE STOCK OF ICE FOR THE WEDDING RECEPTION. I kept hearing snippets of conversation, including one of my uncle semi-freaking out, about how there was no more ice. I went back around to get a Sprite or something of that nature, and the bartender (reminiscent of a curly-haired Fabio) was like yeahhhh so someone desecrated the ice supply with their cranberry juice cocktail, do you mind no ice in the drink? 1. HE KNEW. 2. I was paranoid for the rest of the night that someone had seen me and thus KNEW 3. This is the first time I shared this with anyone other than my sister. Sorry Tio Andres if your out there, it was me.

  • Guest

    It’s my birthday, I’m in my balcony because alone is where I feel best. However my friends think I’m in a bar with friends. Oh the good of having so many friends that your close friends know they don’t know them all. The story of the princesses made me feel good thought. Thanks

  • http://thepoppie.com/ Poppie

    That reminds me so much of Post Secret. I wont lie and say I read them and think the best and funniest things about humanity have been captured there. I furthermore will not act as if I’ve never wanted to send them something. I think of it often in fact but as of today I have never mailed in anything. Maybe I will change that this summer. I am so terrified of writing them down however. Post Secret is anonymously I just fear that I will be recognized.
    http://thepoppie.com

  • Chewbacca

    In the first grade my class would play Star Wars at recess. I personally didn’t like Star Wars and I’m pretty sure I had to play Chewbacca. Anyways, the only reason I played was because my crush was “Luke”, and I was super pissed that him and “Leia” were become friendly. He told me that he bought Leia a ring, most likely from a 25 cent machine, but it just pushed me over the edge. I snuck into his desk at lunch, and stole the ring. I never told a soul what I did…until now. Everyone was looking for the ring, and trying to figure out who would do such a thing. I guess Chewbacca is an asshole.

  • Kk

    There was a fun guy who I lightly dated but moved on from to a better bf. but fun guy always liked me still and I still enjoyed his company as friends. The attention didn’t hurt either. Last time we hung out I had to explicitly turn him down. Then he started dating my old friend who is insane and it bothers me soooo much!!!! Idk why. I turned him down and moved on from him!! Do I really need all his attention? Also, said crazy friend is a shit talker and elaborates secrets given so I know untrue things were said about me too, as well as things I told her in confidence including conversations about fun guy. Again why do I care how lame do I feel

  • Anon

    In fourth grade during a sleepover, my friend and I started prank calling people. But we didn’t realize it was 11:00 PM. Some guy got really mad at us and threatened to trace our call and send the cops to my house. Still scared the po-po are going to show up some day.

    Love your blog Leandra! Finding old posts that I haven’t seen before like this is awesome!

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