Missing in Fashion

March 18, 2013

Where in the world is Nicolas Ghesquiere?

There are rumors running aplenty regarding the location of a certain Nicolas Ghesquiere but rumors are just rumors. Unless a profoundly trusted journal (see: Us Weekly, Star, In Touch), finally breaks this story, exhibiting hard, factual evidence, I see no reason we shall not continue to ruminate. It’s simple to assume that he might be taking it easy by the French country side, or that he is in fact soliciting investment, care of LVMH, to begin planning for his own line. I’d even go so far as to suppose that he might be cuddled up between Alexander Wang’s parents at a Polish restaurant in the East Village (very nondescript), discussing the pros and cons of placing the new designer at the helm of his legacy. Naturally, there are far more pros–I’d be hard-pressed to assume that a gentleman like Nicolas would talk shit about his successor to the latters’s own parents.

But no, we will not take the easy route, and because of the success (and, mind you,) subsequent finding of Anna dello Russo while she was “snowed out” of New York during Fashion Week (she was actually at The Olive Garden), why don’t we give Photoshop and a series of probable locales you may have overlooked one more chance in today’s better-heeled spinoff of Carmen Sandiego’s claim to world fame. Because, really, Where In The World Is Nicolas Ghesquiere?

-4

Let’s count France out now, okay? He has said the Pledge of Allegiance (he botched the lyric, “Indivisible, with liberty and justice for all,” and instead asked, “In despicable, with libertine and juice press for all?”) and I think he plans to remain on American Soil until his visa expires. (After a stint in Pyongyang, North Korea, where he climbed Kim Il Sung’s monument and yelled in a fury, “we’ve got Google!,” it’s probably best that he remains here.)

-1

He might be fully clothed at a community pool just twenty minutes outside of Staten Island (I know, it’s cold, but for the purpose of this series, let’s just assume that the weather in New York functions the way it does on Girls which is to say: in perpetual state of summer,) caring for children whose working parents are supremely busy sustaining the respective livelihoods of their offspring. Monsieur Ghesquiere is a renaissance man, after all.

-2

Or maybe he’s been spending considerable time in the nail care aisle at his local pharmacy, debating the pros and cons of creative director-ing a brand new shade of nail polish called “Au Dessus” (that’s Over It in French) with Essie or OPI, depending on who lends more control to the color which, I would imagine, will look like a cross between black and white, clear and opaque, and feature really subtle, albeit elegant matte sparkles. I think he likes Essie.

-3

Like Anna, he may as well have found himself in the trenches of a supermarket and though disinterested in frozen food (I would argue Ms. Dello Russo only stood in that aisle because she was wearing an enormous white fur stole and needed the share the crisp air with some preserved, cured meat), he has no aversion toward refrigerators. Especially when super-sized and harvesting a bevy of dairy products. You know what they say about the French, right? They’re practically the only human specimens on earth with bodies capable of breaking down dairy products. He’s probably stocking up while he gawks at the Americans beside him, ignorantly and irreversibly damaging their digestive systems.

-5

Oh, duh! This makes sense. He hit it big at his second job. That is a super-sized check, people. Of course he resigned and disappeared. The man is retired and never coming back!

-7…Or is he? Are you thinking what I’m thinking? BalenciTarget? Houndstooth trucks? Stuffed puppies in neopreme ruffles? I think if this is in fact the case, we can rest assured that the super store’s pronounciation does in fact fall along the rather affected spectrum where “tar-jay” lives.

Where do you think Nicolas is hiding? Frankly, I am pretty upset with myself for not having checked at the local Salt Depot but, hey, you can’t win them all.

Also, while we’re here, just let it out. How do you feel about Alexander Wang at Balenciaga?

  • Blackn Olive

    You are too cray cray! LOL! The supermarket trenches!!!

  • Nathan Niche

    You’re hilar! I am a die hard of his and will follow him wherever he goes. LEANDRA, what a coincidence, just yesterday I did an outfit post sporting Nicholas Ghesquiere for BALENCIAGA pieces
    from the good ol’ days, it’s architectural inspired with quirky
    textures. And I wrote a short article being nostalgic of him. Remember the SS11 teddy collection? Well, go see what I wore and please do comment if you honestly like it, it would mean the world to me and trust me, you’d recognize a certain houndstooth vest in the look……………

    xx The Provoker
    http://www.the-provoker.com/2013/03/archi-texture.html

  • http://twitter.com/TripsTreasures Trips & Treasures

    haha this is funny ! i hadn’t even heard he was ” missing”
    my guess is that he is just relaxing somewhere away from all the photographers

    http://www.tripsandtreasures.net

  • http://www.farandwildjewelry.com/ Far and Wild Jewelry

    my guess is he’s with jessa off somewhere just livin’ it up wearing a crop topped and probbaly getting his dick pierced.

    abigail

    http://www.farandwildjewelry.com

  • http://www.fashionsnag.com/ Fashion Snag

    These posts are so hilarious!

    http://www.FashionSnag.com

  • Local & Opulent

    Haha this pics are hilarious!

    A new outfit post is up on Local & Opulent and I am heading to World MasterCard Fashion Week!

    http://localandopulent.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/top-o-the-mornin-to-ya/

  • http://twitter.com/EileenCWang Eileen

    lol this is hilarious. I do like Wang at Balenciaga, I try not to expect too much whenever a new creative director is appointed, so I was pleasantly surprised when the collection came out. I mean, I feel like it’s a good way to start by looking back in the archive and not taking lots of risks in the debut collection. But I can’t wait until more colors and forms are incorporated. (Though, you do need one of those lasercut fancypants towards the end of the show.)

  • Loulou de Perquise

    Silly as usual, love it. Just to be an a**hole (cause i’m french, you know), the Ghesquières polish shade should be “On top of it” (if it’s Au dessus) or Dépassé (if you really meant “over it”). Lots of love.
    L

  • Iliyana Licheva
  • Rose Marie

    I hate to be honest, I don’t care where he is.

    I also didn’t care where Anna Dello Russo was during New York Fashion week.

    Even so, these posts will always be my favourite as they mimic your sense of humour, they make your wit shine through, so bright it’s making my eyes hurt.

    So please write more, it doesn’t matter who they are. Either that or give me a private tutoring on photo shop.

    http://theroseandherclothes.blogspot.co.uk/

  • Nataliechristina

    Haha, nice one Leandra!
    Did you check the nearest H&M? Maybe he is looking for inspiration ;)

    http://Www.agoodiebag.blogspot.com

  • http://www.vintageobserver.com/ Couteau

    It’s too early to say, but Wang’s first collection for Balenciaga lacked glamour. Was there a single dress? Color?

    Instead, it was very Wang and urban. Maybe he’ll grow into the role. Otherwise he’ll be like a cupcake whiz leading a macaron house.

  • http://cirquedelatelier.blogspot.com/ Cirque de l’Atelier

    Nicolas Ghesquiere has never looked so creepy as he does sidling up to the edge of the make up aisle in Duane Reade. “Hey, wanna see my Balenciaga?”

  • zesiku

    I THINK A LOT ABOUT WHAT HE IS UP TO, I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM, BALENCIAGA WAS HIS CHILD IN A WAY :( I WOULD LOVE IT IF HE GOT HIS OWN BRAND…
    BTW,AMAZING PHOTOSHOP SKILLS :D

    FASHION FROM RUSSIA
    http://www.diamondsandspikes.com/

  • http://www.fancyalterego.wordpress.com/ Heather P.

    Loved this! I wish I had more time to lament (or hypothesize), but when teaching for almost 10 hours straight, one must take short breaks!

  • http://www.facebook.com/paula.mcclelland1984 Paula McClelland

    While these are all highly plausible indeed, I’m sure he has’nt got far. After all the hoopla of being head designer of an UBER fashion house he’s probably just taking a break (at his local Pret a Manger) before he blasts back onto the fash scene! Nic we miss you!

    ♥ Paula Shoe Fiend.
    http://shoe-fiend.blogspot.co.uk/

  • http://vickiarcher.com/ Vicki Archer

    I’m definitely thinking in the nail care isle!…These ‘missing in fashion’ posts are great!…I for one am missing him at Balenciaga!…xv

    http://vickiarcher.com

  • http://twitter.com/gLamOLAnd Lola Brazil

    Nicolas is clearly hiding from le manager at Duane Reade because he was swatching those Essie colors. Oh, yea thought we wouldn’t find ya.

    I’m a Alexander Wang girl (obsessed is an understatement) so I’m wishing him the best of luck at Balenciaga and with the future collections he will actually influence, and with the direction he plans to take the house in.

    The good side is: the tremendous amount of growth he could experience as a designer and what it could potentially do for Balenciaga as a brand in these times (with digital and luxury colliding at such a fast pace).

    I think he’ll do a good job distinguishing Wang and Balenciaga as brands, hopefully we are in for a ride!

  • Danielle

    These images have literally just made my day, I’m actually snorting with laughter!
    x

    http://www.stylesnooperdan.com

  • Spencer varsek

    This is actually so good, hats of to you Leandra.

  • Donna

    Iam not into Alexander W for Balenciaga.. Well his show for Balenciaga…FAIL!!!

  • A Mans Point of View

    He’s actually in London. I saw him in Hyde Park with sunglasses on.
    Anyway, did you by any chance do the photoshopping for the picture of that dire Beyonce song that went online a few days ago? The idea is the same.

    By the way…. i didn’t really see him in London. It was lies….LIES!!!

    • R

      Your giveaway was the whole “saw him in London with sunglasses on”. We haven’t seen the sunshine in London for at least 6 months!

  • Sara Gilbert

    Haha, OMG! That post is so hilarious, Keep it up.

    Sara Gilbert

    http://www.apparelnbags.com

  • John Marson

    hahaha :D Halirious post, I really like it.

    http://www.carbonated.tv/

  • http://twitter.com/Deusapps Lynford Dozario

    Great post..like like like..:)

    Android Developer

  • Em

    Alright first off, if I was taking some needed time off, I’d SO hit up a water park. But not on Staten, I’d say roll me down to Dollywood! The people watching alone can make one feel better.

    As for Alexander Wang, he played it safe but I didn’t expect less from him. He certainly took a nod from the Balenciaga playbook and used familar silhouettes but with his modernist twist. I’m sure that future collections will have him break out of his shell but as a first showing being the creative head of a legendary fashion house? Best to play safe at first in my opinion or the backlash would be fierce.

    xoxo, Em
    http://stylebydirtywater.blogspot.com

  • Ideal Cheese

    Ha! How about a “Where is Martin Margiela” post next? Only problem will be finding a pic of him to Photoshop…

  • mariya

    Thanks for sharing Nice Blog
    Wide Leg Pants

  • “A unsatisfied customer”

    gucci group, finishing with the mens line, shame on you!! Alexander Wang you did a pretty boring job!!! shame on you too!! ;P

  • http://ravenmaidenmaven.blogspot.com/ Lydia Teo

    Wang’s debut collection for Balenciaga was decent, if not a tad boring and uninspirational. Hoping to see more from him, so I guess we shall see next season!

    ravenmaidenmaven.blogspot.com

  • EdrusV

    Nicholas was last seen in Tampa, eating a Cuban sandwich…with Nutella.
    He excoriated the fashion scene as nothing more than women with big hair, big asses, and way too big designer hand bags. I have to agree.

  • Fabita Punk

    lol these posts are always funny