Missing in Fashion
Where in the world is Nicolas Ghesquiere?
There are rumors running aplenty regarding the location of a certain Nicolas Ghesquiere but rumors are just rumors. Unless a profoundly trusted journal (see: Us Weekly, Star, In Touch), finally breaks this story, exhibiting hard, factual evidence, I see no reason we shall not continue to ruminate. It’s simple to assume that he might be taking it easy by the French country side, or that he is in fact soliciting investment, care of LVMH, to begin planning for his own line. I’d even go so far as to suppose that he might be cuddled up between Alexander Wang’s parents at a Polish restaurant in the East Village (very nondescript), discussing the pros and cons of placing the new designer at the helm of his legacy. Naturally, there are far more pros–I’d be hard-pressed to assume that a gentleman like Nicolas would talk shit about his successor to the latters’s own parents.
But no, we will not take the easy route, and because of the success (and, mind you,) subsequent finding of Anna dello Russo while she was “snowed out” of New York during Fashion Week (she was actually at The Olive Garden), why don’t we give Photoshop and a series of probable locales you may have overlooked one more chance in today’s better-heeled spinoff of Carmen Sandiego’s claim to world fame. Because, really, Where In The World Is Nicolas Ghesquiere?
Let’s count France out now, okay? He has said the Pledge of Allegiance (he botched the lyric, “Indivisible, with liberty and justice for all,” and instead asked, “In despicable, with libertine and juice press for all?”) and I think he plans to remain on American Soil until his visa expires. (After a stint in Pyongyang, North Korea, where he climbed Kim Il Sung’s monument and yelled in a fury, “we’ve got Google!,” it’s probably best that he remains here.)
He might be fully clothed at a community pool just twenty minutes outside of Staten Island (I know, it’s cold, but for the purpose of this series, let’s just assume that the weather in New York functions the way it does on Girls which is to say: in perpetual state of summer,) caring for children whose working parents are supremely busy sustaining the respective livelihoods of their offspring. Monsieur Ghesquiere is a renaissance man, after all.
Or maybe he’s been spending considerable time in the nail care aisle at his local pharmacy, debating the pros and cons of creative director-ing a brand new shade of nail polish called “Au Dessus” (that’s Over It in French) with Essie or OPI, depending on who lends more control to the color which, I would imagine, will look like a cross between black and white, clear and opaque, and feature really subtle, albeit elegant matte sparkles. I think he likes Essie.
Like Anna, he may as well have found himself in the trenches of a supermarket and though disinterested in frozen food (I would argue Ms. Dello Russo only stood in that aisle because she was wearing an enormous white fur stole and needed the share the crisp air with some preserved, cured meat), he has no aversion toward refrigerators. Especially when super-sized and harvesting a bevy of dairy products. You know what they say about the French, right? They’re practically the only human specimens on earth with bodies capable of breaking down dairy products. He’s probably stocking up while he gawks at the Americans beside him, ignorantly and irreversibly damaging their digestive systems.
Oh, duh! This makes sense. He hit it big at his second job. That is a super-sized check, people. Of course he resigned and disappeared. The man is retired and never coming back!
…Or is he? Are you thinking what I’m thinking? BalenciTarget? Houndstooth trucks? Stuffed puppies in neopreme ruffles? I think if this is in fact the case, we can rest assured that the super store’s pronounciation does in fact fall along the rather affected spectrum where “tar-jay” lives.
Where do you think Nicolas is hiding? Frankly, I am pretty upset with myself for not having checked at the local Salt Depot but, hey, you can’t win them all.
Also, while we’re here, just let it out. How do you feel about Alexander Wang at Balenciaga?