When day 1 came and went and we’d not yet seen a 3D cherry headband, we were suspicious. By day 2, the lack of iridescence left us considerably alarmed. But it was only after days 3 and 4, when green sequins and neon creepers and tie dye fur offered a substantial plethora of hungry street style without even a single trace of her signature folly stamped to it that we finally had to wonder: where in the world is Anna dello Russo?
Sure, it would be easy to chalk up her late appearance at New York Fashion Week (she was first seen at The Marc by Marc Jacobs show on Monday night, and then again in Prada’s spring aquatic socks cum flatforms at Rodarte on Tuesday) to aerial difficulties (lest we forget, there was a snow storm). And though we’d guess that even the most fashion-naive pilot could understand that Anna does not do snow boots (thus prompting heavy delays in her favor), isn’t a healthy round of Guess Where ADR Was until Tuesday more fun? We think so.
Below find eight of the most realistic postulations we (as in, Charlotte and me) could conjure on where dello Russo had been and what she was doing before finally arriving at her twice-annual debutante ball. This is her world, people. We just live in it.
1. You know, it is possible that she did make it in before the snowstorm but just felt too lost as an individual knee-deep in white ice to indulge in the fashion week adrenaline rush. Could it be that she was getting in touch with her Italian roots the best way she knew how? Basking in the oily glory of a fatty penne, garlic cloves included, at The Olive Garden.
2. In the event she was in New York (and not psychoanalytically lost), and doesn’t quite care for The Olive Garden (I pity the fool!), is it possible that she had put on her Man of The People cap (made entirely of recycled newspaper scraps, mind you) and was just waiting for the crosstown bus to take her to Lincoln Center?
Looks like it’s arriving soon!
3. Or maybe she was still walking across the Brooklyn Bridge (we’d guess that she’s staying at a studio in Williamsburg that used to belong to a deceased artist who used only banana peels and green food dye to procure his paintings) to get into the City. Gams that fit don’t just manifest in thin air, you know.
4. We should not forget it was a mere two weeks ago that the entire United States tuned in to watch The Ravens become 2013’s Superbowl champs. Maybe, just maybe, she was so fundamentally impressed by their win, she wanted to watch it on repeat and even, dare I suppose, participate for the sake of divine empathy, too.
(Yves) Saint Laurent gilded gladiator wedges are a perfect football field accoutrement.
5. I might be conjecturing far too ambitiously. Anna dello Russo? Football? That can’t be right. This scenario must be more closely linked to the half-time show. I always wondered if Destiny’s Child was in fact, an embryonic Anna dello Russo.
And furthermore if Children’s Services might take her away once they found out?
6. It’s quite clear that ADR loves a good time, much more when infused by fashion. Seeing as the unofficial haven for after-parties this season has been the ineffable neo-nightclub, Bow, maybe she’s been on Bowery, singing the Fashion Shower chant, tirelessly.
And maybe now, she’s looking for her car.
7. …In order to get to the supermarket! Frozen food is very hip.
8. Finally, here’s our last shot. Could it be that Anna dello Russo was late for fashion week because…
All of her clothes were dirty and she just needed to launder? The world may never know.
Whatever it was, though, Anna, we’re glad you’re here now.