Consumption by way of subscription, we meet again. I met my first Glossybox last September when I played a wildcard and ordered whatever the magicians behind the subscription box would give me. I was pleasantly surprised to find Marvis branded toothpaste (who knew these was a Rolls Royce equivalent of the dental hygiene world?) and an Ole Henriksen branded serum. What was serum? I still don’t really know, but that shit made my facial pores feel virginal.
In preparation for the month of January, I sorted through and reacquainted myself with some of the more superior beauty products I’ve come upon in my tender days to presently (note the overwhelming pun) give you: Glossybox x Man Repeller, Winter Survival edition. The way I see it, if my beauty mantra hums “Don’t wear it if it means you have to wash your hair at night, do wear it if you can rub it off with your fingers,” at very least some of you must share a similar relationship with your beauty routine, right? In my box you’ll find the lowest maintenance, highest performance items I could have scrambled together.
For your face: Estee Lauder Sumptuous Extreme Lash Multiplying Volume Mascara. It’s thick and chunky without leaving stye-inciting clumps under your lids.
Tarte red lipstick or Vincent Longo red lipstain. The great thing about a bold red lip is that it changes everything and requires few corresponding accoutrements. No makeup? No problem. Dab on some red and let your Frida flag fly.
Fresh Umbrian Clay Serum. Ask me again what serum is and I will curve my back into a human question mark, ask me what it does and I will tell you that your pores will be so happy they won’t know whether to expand in excitement or shrink as a testament to the serum’s functionality. Live everyday like spa day. And then there’s the Le Metier de Beaute replenishing daily solution cream. Crema! I don’t know about you but I imbibe a lot and as such allow my skin to dehydrate far too regularly. I also have a hard time putting sunblock on so this is a good way to digest that (SPF 30, people).
For your hair: Prime Style Extender by Living Proof. Here’s a primer you can dab through your hair in hopes it will eliminate the prospect of having to wash your hair as frequently, instead allowing you to sleep on that hair, get it real French, and deal with the perils of cleanliness later. Sebastian Potion 9 cream works appropriately for the sake of styling your hair into oblivion and if you, like me, have newly chopped locks–it works famously as a pseudo-wax, manipulating hair tips.
So that even though you won’t shower, you will smell good: Narciso Rodriguez For Her eau de toilette. Naturally, I smell like stale chicken. Unnaturally and yet still so perfectly acceptable, I spray this eau de toilette on my wrists and in my hair et voila: orange blossom.
For your nails: I may be one of the few American females who abide by a strict no manicure policy (if not because I am far too lazy to remove nail polish once it starts chipping than certainly because I am also far too active to suspend hand movement for a full thirty minutes to let it dry) but because I know nail art is important and we are, after all, in the Americas, I’ve added an OPI liquid sand polish in a color called Can’t Let Go. The finish is matte and the color features glittering particles in its dried state. You know how I love glitter, right?
And super sweet bonus: two of these boxes come contained with a $1000 Shopbop giftcard. It’s kind of like the Willy Wonka golden ticket only no one turns violet unless you buy this.
So, that’s that. Tell me what you think, order a box, or we can also talk about what happened to my white suede pump last night. Is being cloaked in dog shit good luck?
