Dear Kimye

January 22, 2013

We believe in your embryo

Kim K, Kanye,

Hi. I don’t know if you know us but we know you and are quite frankly sick to the bone of all the admonishment you’ve had to face in the wake of your pregnancy announcement. While many people seemingly want to turn their heels toward your most recent collaboration (an embryonic swag machine), the royal We just want to express elation in matters of the forthcoming cultural ambiguity. We anticipate its journey as one marked by gilded footsteps and inconceivable glory. Here’s why:

Not even the most casual viewer of  Staying Up To Date With Drama Amidst The Kardashians can deny that this family loves the shit out of one another. Whether it was questionable or not to exploit their teens in the name of fiscally fruitful national television, we won’t judge. But what we know (from, uh, being in the same room as other people watching The Kardashians Take Various Metropolitan Cities) is that those parental units are present. Kimyembryo will, as such, always have fundamental support catering to his or her every whim, not to mention a built-in momager for when endorsement time (see: Osh Kosh b’I Ain’t Sayin’ She a Gold Digga) inevitably comes.

Of course, genetically speaking, with the chromosome swirl between both parties, that kid’s got a leg — not to mention extensive ass — up on whomever else is entering planet Earth by way of birth canal. While we’ve been crossing our fingers in hopes that Jay and Bey’s Blue Ivy takes after the maternal quotient of her gene pool, no matter who Kimye’s offspring (Red Maple?) takes after, that fetus wins the face test.

Which brings us, of course, to the parents themselves. Despite a few isolated sticky incidents — both, oddly enough, involving videos — those two are a couple of good, recently fertilized eggs. While the alpha male portion of the union has built a career upon his robust work ethic and an ability to triumph well beyond Seussian levels of rhyme, the feminine half is famous purely for existing. Do you have any idea how difficult that is to do? Us neither. But she’s held on for a bewilderingly long time (my hunch? Because she is really, really, nice) and watching from the bottom, we cannot scoff at that. Nu-uh. After all, as a wise man (my dad) once said (rather guilelessly, mind you), “I will always respect Kim Kardashian. To capitalize that successfully based on the merit of a large ass is unheard of and therefore admirable.” There are lessons to be learned and we reckon she is ready to teach them.

Still not buying it? Math it out this way: Night time lullabies written and rapped by Kanye. Pillow talk with Kim almost always starting with an “I mean, honestly…” and ending in a “like.” Lots of Love (bracelets. At least like six). Teeny tiny Air Yeezys. Cool cousins and grandparents Kris and Bruce, who can effectively pass off as one another!

There will, of course, be a day when that sexually undetermined fetus puts out a single, guest stars on 2020’s Gossip Girl equivalent or writes a tell-all memoir at a very ripe 10 years old. Until we’re at that crossroad though, forced to either re-assess or reconfirm our devotion to baby Westashian, we are wholeheartedly rooting for it. And earnestly praying that Margiela develops a toddler line.

Co-written by Carlye Wisel.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Irene.L.Buffa Irene Laura Buffa
  • http://profiles.google.com/juleskills Julie Hardee

    Ugh, they are awful. We need to look away. Please stop.

    • http://www.facebook.com/drew.martino Drew Martino

      Agreed. We give them too much attention. I can’t stand either of them.

  • natalie

    keeping with the kardashians is my guilty pleasure. What I desperately want to know is what the baby will look like :P

    xx

    http://anoddgirl.blogspot.com.au

  • http://www.chezglaser.com/ Sarah Glaser

    Favorite post of the year so far! Points well made and as always, hilariously stated. I can’t wait to see what Kimye’s offspring does with his/her life.

    http://www.chezglaser.com

  • Carmen

    seriously? how desperate are you for new content. lost all respect for coming to this “blog”

    • Confused

      what are those quotations supposed to indicate…?

    • e.ash

      i’m “confused” on what you think a “blog” is “?”

  • granky161

    I’m happy for Kim and Kanye, their baby will be beautiful.

  • Marissa Wilson Gibbons

    word.

  • Joland@1981

    Ugh, these two ego’s need to vanish from the face of this planet. And hopefully Kim will take her mother with her when it happens.

  • Stylish Housewife

    all i know is that kimmy wasn’t so nice when i saw her at a charity event. and all i can think of was how rude it was when kanye walked up in the middle of taylor swift’s acceptance speech. they deserve one another. in fact, i can’t imagine any couple more perfect for each other.

  • http://www.EatStylePlay.com/ Eat.Style.Play

    I don’t think is desperate i think it’s funny writing, but everybody is still talking about Kim and Yeezy, and everybody will still “check for them” when this baby pops out. It’s just fun guys, Relax…like seriously.

  • Defensive Midfield
  • sylvia

    These 2 are the most disgusting and disgraceful creature put on earth

  • http://twitter.com/styleinlima Milagros Plaza

    Ugh, they are completely awful. Why is everybody talking about them though. How is Kim anyway? Love your blog! xx @styleinlima

  • Chloe

    Even though it might be amusing for those who don’t pretend to care, it’s very wrong since it’s the least digestible compilation of sentences I expected to read here on the mr. Please don’t keep doing that.

  • mercergirl

    So hard to look away. Want to, really want to but I can’t. Lots of people get snobby about the like/love/hate divide about these humans but I, like your father, can’t hate. It’s like a really pretty car wreck where no one got hurt, nothing really to see but beautiful machines getting banged……fascinating……

    • Leandra Medine

      This is a fantastic analogy, I am wholly with you. Generally, though, I just don’t see the motivation in hating Kim, it’s too easy and not for anything, she seems wildly nice.

      • guest

        nice? Lying 24/7, selling her sex tape online since 2006 or so and being as intelligent as a brick? I mean, honestly, I personally don’t understand like, why anybody with a functioning brain would like Kim as a person ;) She makes me laugh (not because she’s funny, but because she’s dumb) but I would never praise her. I would rather see someone like you make millions. you’re pretty (without 3 pounds of make up), funny, smart, articulate and don’t have a stick up you azz the size of Ray J’s…ugh never mind. Sorry L

        • yvonne ★

          I don’t think kim is not an intelligent person. Not every girl with a big ass uses it to earn milions of $$$. A lot of times she is just playing dumb by getting public attention and tv quote.

          What I loathe about her is that she seems quite shameless and that’s a shame.

          http://daretoduit.blogspot.co.at/

          • guest

            I have read some of Kim’s interviews in magazines and seen some on TV, and I have yet to see one in which she doesn’t sound like a complete, inarticulate moron. If you know of one please show me, Just because you have great business advisors and a good manager doesn’t mean you’re intelligent. She has good people around her and she keeps doing things that make her interesting to people (dating, getting married, now the baby-everything conveniently happened when they taped the show). I also don’t get what great things she has done, Leandra and other bloggers worked with bigger names than she has. I mean really, Sears? It’s not like she has a collection at Barney’s and a collabo with Proenza or something.

          • Shaniece

            You may want to hold the thought of a collaboration, now that she is making a name for herself on the fashion scene you never know what could happen next

      • debbywarner

        You are right — she’s just like everyone else…trying to make it in this world. Kim is stretching her 15 minutes of fame as long as it will take her (honey, everyone gets old) and hauling in the dough. If you hate her, you are jealous it isn’t you. If you love her, you are jealous it isn’t you. Me — I’m occasionally watching the car wreck as I pass by with no feelings at all.

  • MalibuPRGal

    One combo I am digging is the KanyeXZanotti Cruel Summer sexy sandals – and then only to be ruined by completely uncreative instagrams of Kim wearing them. : ( Julie’s right – we need to look away!

  • Naina

    A little fetus is getting so much attention that by the time it exits Kim’s vagina, it will be blind from the paparazzi’s flashes.

    SIDEWALKCATWALKS.com

  • Ahbee

    I usually look forward to 10am when you post new material but I was so disappointed in seeing this. I love reading about your humerous yet relatable experiences and your take on fashion. If I wanted read about “kimye”, I would have easily accessed Yahoo and one of their articles. However, I will give credit where credit is due, this was very well written. Still love you though Leandra. That is all.

  • MONICARP

    The girl is out there and we looooove it otherwise we would just stop talking about her, her ass, her weight, her clothes and her baby! Ok, now back watching Kourtney and Kim take Miami, Mase is so grown up!

    http://www.moneasywardrobe.com

  • MONICARP

    where did my comment go?

  • http://www.sequinsandsass.com/ Eleanor @ Sequins & Sass

    THANK YOU. No one has to like the Kardashians, but they can’t deny that they’re a close family and that baby is going to be FAWNED over.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Erin-Thomas/39001019 Erin Thomas

    haha, i am loving all these angry comments! i’m with you, leandra. i love kimye, and i am anxiously awaiting the arrival of their little bundle of joy. it’s pretty much america’s royal birth. aside from being ADORABLE, this kid is going to be well cared for and loved. haters to the left.
    http://zero-style.blogspot.com

    • LMB

      Really? “Pretty much America’s royal birth?” First of all, what an insult to America. Second, when I think of royalty I think classy, timeless and elegant. None of which describe these two.

  • Whiskey Ginger

    your witty sarcasm is unbelievable. i wish i could write like you.

    http://www.whiskey-ginger.com

  • yvonne ★

    I don’t like kim, but I had some respect for kanye for he was pretty much into the “visual” art kind of thing. But since he hooked up with kim, I wonder what his (stated by himself) understanding of “art” actually means? Big asses and reality television and excessive givenchy? Sorry, but kanye, you become more and more irrelevant in the fashion scene, (and here I must quote Kim) “like seriously”.

    http://daretoduit.blogspot.co.at/

  • Hannah

    You really can’t deny the closeness of that family! It’s unreal, and very admirable. And it’s true… she is famous for simply existing but you can’t say the family isn’t brilliant when it comes to business. So many people in Hollywood come and go and are the “it thing” for awhile then fade into oblivion but she has continued to be a prominent figure in the gossip world.

  • claire

    He randomly sent her a cat through the mail, she lost it before, then it died because that stupid moron kanye couldnt even do his research enough on an animals health history, kim couldnt take care of it, or lied and gave it away. YES LETS GAVE A HUMAN

  • http://twitter.com/selenaaponte Selena Aponte

    Kanye’s undisputed talent and vision cancels out many of Kim’s flaws. His music, videos and movie are prolific & bizarre but his sensitivity is visceral.

  • lavieenliz

    I saw them the other day driving down PCH in a bentley! I’m down to see what the baby looks like

    http://lavieenliz.com

  • Jamie

    I can not wait for the day that fetus puts out a single! I don’t have cable so this is actually news to me…sad for me. Great post, I really enjoyed it :)

    xo,
    Jamie

    http://www.inspirationlush.com

  • ajla

    I couldn’t agree with you more Leandra (and Carlye)!

  • B

    People actually kill me with their dramatic feelings toward them. I really just cannot understand why everyone is so mad. get over it, they are grown, let them live! I love Kanye (the sweatshirt you posted on the Holiday guide and recently wrote about, is my favorite Christmas purchase) and I’m not mad at Kim.

    http://www.brittiish.blogspot.com

  • Nico

    Fortunately I live in Italy so far away these questions… :D

    http://lowbudget-lowcost.blogspot.it/2013/01/outfit-post2.html

  • http://teacupsandbcups.com/ nicole | teacups + B cups

    Love them or hate them…this is hilarious. Red Maple. Baby Westashian. Kimyembryo. Please, go on.

  • http://www.injackiesshoes.com/ Alexandra

    This is hilarious. And “Osh Kosh b’I Ain’t Sayin’ She a Gold Digga” is pure genius. Rock on!

  • Mi Mi Mendine
  • Heather P.

    I really hope you’re right. I, too, admit to watching some of their “reality” shows, and feel good knowing that, at the very least, that baby is going to grow up in a very loving, protective, and fun family. Can’t wait to hear what wacky-ass name it’s gonna get, though….

    http://www.fancyalterego.wordpress.com

  • ThyThy Nguyen

    I, too, respect Kim Kardashian and her large ass.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Julinha.Hernandez Júlia Hernandez

    “I will always respect Kim Kardashian. To capitalize that successfully based on the merit of a large ass is unheard of and therefore admirable.”

    Girl, you need to come to Brazil and see what capitalize based on the merit of a large ass really means! Ass, boobs, is pretty surprising/often revolting.

  • deanna

    She’s not nice though, she is so selfish and horrible on the show. I, admittedly, watch the kardashians, and you’re right that the family is awesome and hilarious. Kim is an exception (also, her mother). There is so much wrong with how she thinks and lives her life.

    Kanye, on the other hand, is insanely talented, and even though he was always a bit of an asshole, at least it was backed up by something legitimate. She has nothing to justify her attitude, except superficiality and an inflamed ego. He elevates her, but unfortunately, she lowers him past the point of respect.

    I understand all the fuss about Blu Ivy, with two talented and respected parents, some of the most powerful people in the industry… but this new baby just permanently attaches Kim, who we could only hope would lose her popularity soon enough, to a truly talented man. Perhaps a life strategy to keep herself relevant? Would she really go that far? Obviously. Look at her last wedding.

    I’m embarassed I feel so strongly about this…

    • ………

      Well said

    • Pam

      Agreed. Love the fam can’t stand her. She’s boring and tons of women are more beautiful and aren’t as into themselves. She’s not a real model or even a fashionista, she’s just rich and has stylists that help. Impressive? Not. I don’t hate her but I could spend the rest of my life without hearing about her and would be so happy. Just sayin’

  • Mary Jo

    Ha, I loved this. And I honestly think Kim has staying power because she works her a$$, well not off, but you know what I mean.
    xo Mary Jo

  • like, seriously true.

    girl, Marry Me. seriously! i want our kids to have your obviously funny-and-witty-mutated gene!

    I mean honestly, you managed to sum up perfectly the Kardashian experience, exploring the ancestors of the family and the plausible aspirations of the new fruit of the Kardashian vagina. like.. honestly!

  • Rach xoxo

    it’s nice to see that people have love for these guys. it always sucks to see people trying to bring people down in the midst of their happiness. I can’t wait to see the baby!

    http://designerdreaming.blogspot.com/

  • Cayitaa

    I completely agree with you!!! Love your blog!!! Regards from Mexico!! =)

  • A.

    Quite a statement. I’m not sure I feel the same way. I am worried for the Kimye child, because it almost seems like it is an accessory for Kim to carry around, and for Kanye to mention in songs. But, in many ways I think you’re right. Despite the motive, any child is truly loved by its parents.
    I do hope, though, that they don’t make this child grow up on reality TV. Though, they will, and that’s why I’m going back to being afraid for it.
    andherphotos.blogspot.com

  • Katie

    I support all productions made by Kimye, even babies.

  • moomoo

    It’s ridiculous how judgmental and hateful the comments and this blog here is. I do not agree with you when you say she just got famous for having a big ass. Sure maybe that’s one reason why, but it’s definitely not her ass that keeps her on top. People need to give her more props for what she has done. I mean we’re all wasting our time debating her life right, she must be relevant. Another thing, she’s made poor choices but who has not? Leave her alone and let her be. With everything that’s in the midst of her fingertips and her fame, I think she’s doing pretty well for herself. It is an issue with society for putting her up on a pedestal in the first place. Kardashians, great entrepreneurs, hard working and great at marketing.

  • Nathan Niche

    Good writing as always. This baby is gonna be SO loved and MEGA famous. Is the new baby perhaps gonna be bigger than the hey days of gaga, miley, swift, bieber put together?! Super super stardom here we go! And yes it would most likely be sporting phillip lim’s toddler line, which sorta exists no? I’m sure it has a childrens line, have you seen those mini leather jackets? How cute and not at all gay. ;) Btw, I know you love you some Celine Leandra, so you should check out my Céline inspired photoshoot featuring their
    runway Palazzo Pants (thank god I got them 70% off sales), tell me what
    you think of it even if it only provokes you a bit ;)

    xx The Provoker
    http://www.the-provoker.com/2013/01/dare-to-flare_19.html

  • Jenny

    Aha I can’t wait for the tell all memoir
    My-floordrobe.blogspot.com

  • bonnie

    giggled the whole way through reading this.
    it’s a nice change to read an article about kimye that is funny but not negative!
    cheers for the laughs :)

    battlecriesandchampagne

  • Trendchaser

    I think its naive to believe everything you want them to believe! Family is family and they clearly are all of eachothers rock. Nuff said!

  • Amalie Espeland

    hahahah yes. i am a bit worried. what color?

  • Wind-up bird

    Hate requires so little imagination. It’s a cheap, easy meal that makes you feel like shit afterwords. There are worse worlds to be born into; I think this kid will be showered with love and will want for nothing materially.

    • Leandra Medine

      COSIGN

  • ml

    the actual problem is that many love (bracelets) lol. c’mon people, don’t take shit seriously.

  • RACH!

    I just pray that the child isn’t a new marketing strategy or a way to stay current. I hope the selfish lying Kim that is portrayed on their show is just an act, I hope that child doesn’t end up crazy! Most of all… I hope it doesn’t somehow inherit Kanye’s jaw lol (even though he got it by way of an accident… but still lol)

  • Malena
  • Rayne S

    “Osh Kosh b’I Ain’t Sayin’ She a Gold Digga” that says it all, I think you may need to copyright that.

    xx
    http://www.lluviaforallseasons.com

  • http://twitter.com/looksharpWI Look Sharp Sconnie

    Can we puh-lease throw some bling up on that fetus??

    I mean, really.

  • http://www.prettysparklythings.blogspot.com/ Donna

    I must be one of the few people who don’t pay much attention to the Kardasians or Kanye. That’s why I don’t have a problem with them having a baby. It’s their life, and none of my business. To me it’s as much my business as two strangers who live down the road having a baby. I wish them and their baby the best and hope that it’s a wonderful turn of events for all of them, because that’s the decent thing to do.
    Donna
    http://www.prettysparklythings.blogspot.com

  • sophie

    I miss your personal style posts! The Kimye fetus can’t rock an arm party like you can.
    http://archiveseven.blogspot.com

  • whitster

    the one place I thought I could escape this topic. why Leandra, why???

  • Ash

    To commemorate my recent spike of interest in Kanye West I went ahead and ordered that sweatshirt with a picture of his face on it, a no-regrets purchase.

  • yv

    well i really like little mason.

    http://www.prettydaffodils.blogspot.com

    • Leandra Medine

      me too.

  • http://www.vintageobserver.com/ Couteau @VintageObserver

    “not to mention extensive ass”

    Thank you.

  • Belén Cavas Hernández
  • StyleNonsense

    Kimyembryo, Hilarious! For All Our Sakes I Hope This Baby Is Not Just A Pawn In Her Bid To Take Over The World.
    http://StyleNonsense.blogspot.com

  • Ann

    Oh my God, are you pregnant? :)

  • luxe1968

    I love it when two equally shallow, repulsively narcissistic, entitled parasites find one another. Yes it is truly perfect.

  • Shaniece

    I am a Kimye Supporter! I have worked behind the scenes for Kanye, whom is awesomely talented and I have been a supporter of him when he used to write and then brought out through the wire…as I digress they would be just like any normal family had they not had cameras following them 24/7 so kudos to them for allowing their life to be amplified in the lens.

    kimye supporter as seen here

    http://heelsandcrumpets.com/2013/01/psst/

  • fridaregeheim

    this is awesome

  • http://pinksole.com/ Rachelle

    I cannot believe some of these hateful comments. I always say when you hate someone deep down you are just envious.

    xo
    http://pinksole.com

  • Cassie

    I am all for the Kimye baby. It was the hot topic of conversation among my friends when the news broke (I’m not sure what this says about us…). We even planned hypothetical outfits should we be lucky enough to be invited to this child’s imaginary christening.

    http://whatwouldyouwearif.com/2013/01/14/what-would-you-wear-if-you-were-invited-to-the-kimye-babys-christening/

  • fuiamcaro

    this blog must have the same PR peeps as obama loving beyonce/jz …. drunk on the same kool-aid. next post will be about Michelle’s bangs … oy vey

  • David H

    These two drive me nuts. It’s sad they’ve become the Sartorial guides that everyone looks up to. Leave fashion to the pros.

  • anne

    You guys are so jealous ! only because you don´t have the money that they have , because if you had , you will not waste your time living messages ! The lesbian owner of this blogg and Carlye Fuck Wisel are such losers , let them alone , they´re human , and they have free-will !

    • Leandra Medine

      Well, this is odd. First, I’m not gay. Second, if I was, that comment would be violently offensive. Third, this is an open letter congratulating Kimye.

    • anne-eee

      how da fuck did you even find this blog?

  • S.

    I must say…. i’m loving this article!

  • Shawnee Rajala

    Yes! I love this. One of the reasons why I love the Kardashians.. so much love. No need to say more – you’ve said it perfectly. xo

  • K

    Love it! I wholeheartedly agree on all points. Brava! xx

  • K

    Why oh why is everyone just so frikken hateful. No one forces you to read this blog. Losers.

  • http://twitter.com/Fabhairnyc Fabhair.com

    whatever opinion. Kim stays fabulous though: http://www.fabhair.com/

  • http://www.facebook.com/jerusha.harvey Jerusha Harvey

    Why isn’t the embryo wearing Gucci? Anyone???