Reflection Time

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by Leandra Medine
December 10, 2012
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In which heart-numbing love prevails in spite of irreconcilable differences.

On me: Club Monaco plaid blouse, Ellery jacket, Opening Ceremony vest, Cole Haan Loafers. On him: Ralph Lauren chambray shirt, Ksubi skinny jeans, Cole Haan brogues. Photos by Naomi Shon

Though my marriage is still an embryo, December 14th will mark its first notable (albeit marginal) centenary: six months of togetherness. The following week will mark the 24th anniversary of my life and just days later, Christmas will have come, gone and left only pictorial memories of deconstructed pine trees and holiday lights. New Years anticipation will commence instantaneously and naturally, we will look back, wondering if we’ve fulfilled our previous years resolutions. If we haven’t, we’ll wonder if we’ve changed. Has it been for the better? The worse? At all?

The holiday season is an appropriate time for self-evaluation and in what seems like a very timely reissue, the reflective loafers and brogues of Cole Haan are back and as such functioning as portals to a far more cerebral experience.

The shoes are fantastic in that to the naked eye, they simply look somewhat iridescent. When placed under camera flash though, they reflect said flash right back at your camera screen, (thus prompting a most effective “like” catalyst for Instagram enthusiasts.) In recognizing the shoes’ supernatural potential for many a judicious pun, behold: reflection time.

Are you ready? Okay, I’ll start.

Jogging back just six months to when I tied that menacing knot, I found a basket of baby kittens waiting for me on the other side. I married the only man who has noted “sincerity” as his favorite quality in other men because, and I quote, “too few of us are sincere.” I’m not sure he was as lucky in his findings. Being married to me is not easy: I never shave, much less wax, have the expert ability to leave any room I exit in a most traumatic post-hurricane state, and talk far too frequently about yeast infections, my period, the benefits of sustaining underarm hair and why women truly do rule (consequently too, why men drool.)

cziVJe on Make A Gif, Animated Gifs

We met when I was 17. I thought how tragic it was that at such a tender age, I’d already met my soul mate. When we broke up six months later, I thought how tragic it was that at such a tender age, I would be forced to commit suicide. An act of undying love, the letter I would draft described, but I never got around to penning it. When we got back together, I was 22 and by then had learned it’s best not to think, and so began the last leg of our relationship.

If my husband is Ben Stiller, I am Jennifer Aniston, (see: Along Came Polly.) He finds utter complacency in himself, his job, his life, me. While I constantly search for the key to an everlasting joie de vivre, his constant search is for the key to an everlastingly functional humidifier. He’s never read The Paris Review, he doesn’t plan to read The Paris Review and his idea of a profoundly evocative fashion moment is one that takes place in the comfort of our living room—the blankey of my childhood draped across his shoulders.

He is fantastic with numbers; I can’t even remember my birth year and though alcoholism is a philosophical movement that I subscribe to, if he had to, would give up imbibing at the eager drop of my Maison Michel hat. When I asked how he’d like to die, he said in a plane crash. It varied immensely from my earnestly romantic, “in bed, holding your hand.”

But love knows no logic and my odd, anxious, fickle demeanor needs the prop of his tactical, strategic reliability to exist wholly. His sensible, risk-assessing approach to living all but deserves a dose of my creepy-ass brand of crazy and in reflecting on that which makes us work, it becomes evident that nothing makes us work except for the fact that, well, we work.

Sometimes, it seems, self-evaluation is simply an affirmation of good decisions. Your turn: step into my shoes and reflect.

Cole Haan shoes, $298, $198Part of a collaboration with Cole Haan.

REPLIES
  • Elisa

    I love this! I also met my soul mate at 16, which is both perfect and ridiculous; after much twists and turns, we’ve been back together for 4 years. Very cool gif. On another note, just the little bit of tartan showing from your sleeve turned me on. Is there anyone else out there turned on by tartan?

    Elisa – Wandering Minds
    http://www.ourwanderingminds.com

  • Lateybirdy

    Even though I managed to fall in love more than once, I never actually believed in love that’s meant to be. Thank you for sharing such an intimate and such a cute story of you. I hope your love lasts like it is in a fairy tale! And I hope you have cute little hairy children running around!

    xo

    merv

    http://www.lateybirdy.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/suzanne.carillo Suzanne Carillo

    Loved this.

    Bisous
    Suzanne

  • Kate

    This is my favorite post ever of yours. Love the images and love the sentiment. Congrats, you crazy kids!

    Kate

    http://www.thrillofthechaise.com

  • Melissa

    inspiring, loved reading this

  • nicoleta

    I thik your husband is very lucky. Cos you are real woman and sincer like he is.

    Lots of LOVE!

    Nicole

    http://www.nicoleta.me

  • Nico
  • http://twitter.com/traeHfoneeuQ yChian Small

    This, is perhaps the sweetest thing I’ve read in here. I love it! &:’D

    Love love love,
    l u n a b y s s

  • http://twitter.com/ZouBahar Zou Bahar

    J’adore. encore. U write so well, I don’t know what to say.

    As for reflection: 2012 has taught me to be courageous and bold for its own sake. Because it works. It creates wonder. Opens doors and new worlds/experiences. At least for me. C’est tout.

    • Leandra Medine

      C’est beaucoup!

  • kcomekarolina

    that is so fab!

    xoxo from rome
    K.
    kcomekarolina.com

  • Teresa

    The best couples are the ones that appreciate each other’s differences as qualities they strive for in themselves. Congratulations on your 6 months! http://www.amourvert.com

  • Lauren

    love this— very well written & love learning about your story!

    lauren

    http://laurencroswell.tumblr.com/

  • The Outsider

    You inspire me to be ridiculous and silly whilst looking great. Thank you!

    http://adventures-of-an-outsider.tumblr.com/

  • Stjernecamilla

    Based on what I now know of you two, you make a good couple. Somehow exactly as the cliché-dripping, sticky-icky-love movies. Kinda loving it!

  • danielle.audain

    i can’t. this is cute beyond words. “i would be forced to commit suicide.” you cracked me up through this entire post. love the pics too. :) http://www.indieelectronicalternative.com/

  • http://www.fashiondenis.com/ Denisa

    Wow, I really like your posts and pics. That video is great too. And I styl belive in love. Have a nice day.

    http://www.fashiondenis.com/

  • AtamAshish Kaur

    I love your blog and you have great style! I started a blog with my sister and we would love for you to check it out! We are having a $50 gift card giveaway to J.Crew on the blog…check it out!
    http://www.doubletheglam.com/2012/12/jcrew-gift-card-giveaway.html

  • http://pinksole.com/ Rachelle

    I love Cole Haan, they may not make the flashiest shoes if you check my blog you’ll know I have a slight obsession with their items why because of the quality and simplicity of the designs. And This year I’ve learn to never compare myself to other and just follow my heart so far it’s working out great. I love reading you Leandra.

  • Somebody from Somewhere
  • http://twitter.com/selenaaponte Selena Aponte

    Life would truly suck if we couldn’t share it with our complete opposite. well done kid.

  • Lynn Lawless

    Seriously adorable.

  • http://theurbanpromeneur.blogspot.com/ THE URBAN PROMENEUR

    I could go through this article again and again. It has such a brilliant composition of thoughts. I’ll keep the not committing sucide while leaving the propable love of your life in mind. Time always seems to be the best medicine. Why the hell is that?

    I congratulate you for having been patient.

  • Ash

    AHHH! Your tale parallels mine in a lot of ways. Met my husband when I was 16, broke up with him after dating for a while, got back together, eloped (although that was almost a year and a half ago). CUUUTE story (and shoes..)!!

  • Natassa M.

    One of the coolest things you’ve written.

  • Kamila M.

    such a lovely love story :)

  • Performance and Cocktails

    Lovely story about your husband but I am going to focus on the *shoes*. What you identified as genius is exactly what annoys me about these! They looked great on the Cole Haan banner, but in the store, I found them not so much slightly iridescent as a drab silver grey. I was hoping for shiny sparkly white – which you only get under the bright light. Boo!

    I am tormented by a pair of rolling spikes loafers. Will I still love them tomorrow?

    http://performanceandcocktails.com/2012/12/06/will-i-still-love-you-tomorrow/

  • http://www.injackiesshoes.com/ Alexandra

    It does seem, at least for my husband and I, and many other couples I know, that opposites do attract (and stay attracted) for a reason. As long as you can keep appreciating your differences to a larger degree than you want to murder the person in their sleep, things are really good. Congratulations on your first 6 months! And here’s to many, many, many more.
    xo,
    Ali

  • http://www.EatStylePlay.com/ Eat.Style.Play

    I still have yet to fall in love, and I can see 30 in the distance. I know my time will come though. I loved reading this, very nicely put!

  • Felicity

    This is really lovely. Not cloyingly lovely. Just lovely. x

    that-bird.blogspot.co.uk

  • Eva

    What a beautiful story. I met my husband at 17 too and all though that’s a very young age I never wanted to break up. There was just something between us and over the years it became stronger and stronger. No man can make me happier in my life. xx

    http://www.creativityandchocolate.blogspot.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/maxia.severino Maxia Severino

    This is the most beautiful piece I’ve read written by you. I’m speechless.

  • blessyou

    May G-d bless you with longevity, health and lots of kiddos
    what a beautiful couple you are.. love how you tied in the Cole Haans

  • Freida Haoui

    I love how you write. You’re my favourite. Seriously!

    You are lucky to have found the one person you want to spend everyday of your life with. It is wonderful. Enjoy every single moment of it and I wish you many many years of a happy marriage.

  • http://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/ Newborn Fanatic

    I’m just really happy that you got together with your soul mate. and dude those white cole haans are so cute on you guys!

    http://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/

  • Beauty for Ashes

    Bam! Why I so love to read your writing…ironically I was musing on Love romance from a uncharacteristic Man’s point of view..nonetheless..the old adage of “opposites attracting” has some truth in that we find what we most need ourselves in others and that makes us complete… As that wise old sage Rocky Balboa said to his beloved Adrian “Yo Adrian! You got gaps, I got gaps! Together we don’t got no gaps!”

    Warmest and best wishes to you and yours!

    PS I’m buying those shoes if I can find a size 13-14 and being down South we can wear em year round!

    http://myashesinapradabox.blog.com/

  • Donna

    I love this post! It is rare to be with your HS/young love. I’m one of the lucky few! I dated my beau at 14 and now we’ve been together for almost 5 years.

    Regarding reflection: 2012 taught me to go for it! In all aspects of life to just jump and see what happens. So I did, I started my fashion blog and am loving the process! Thanks for constant inspiration.

    http://www.soyouagree.com

  • The Marcy Stop

    Love your prose. As for me, not sure if I’m ready to reflect on the year just yet (I mean, is it already mid-december already?), but I congratulate you on your six months of marriage and wish you both the best moving forward. You sound like a perfect NY match…

    xL
    http://themarcystop.blogspot.com

  • http://twitter.com/osborra Rebeka Osborne

    This is perfect! It’s so relatable on so many levels, plus, it’s really well written.
    Also, look at you go! You’re two years behind me and you’ve done so many more, awesome things than I. Props!

  • Sophie Lewis

    I love how well thought out this post is. First, congratulations on your anniversary (6 months is a milestonne; many don’t even make it there!) and maintaining your beliefs of not changing yourself for a man. It sounds like you have a wonderful marriage. At my age (16), I don’t yet have much life experience to reflect on, I can only hope that when I am your age, I am as wise beyond my years as you are. I really love that you and your husband are so opposite yet get along so well. The matching shoes are a nice touch too. xx

    ps. J’adore that you are becoming french with your hair and vocabulary. I have taken french for 7 years (and will for about 5 more) and I yearn for that french look that you are starting to accomplish. C’est tres magnifique.

    http://scattergirll.blogspot.com

  • Lauren

    Wonderful post and congrats on 6 months together!

    I’d love to hear your perspective on being such a young wife. I too was married young – at 22 – and was constantly inundated with looks and comments on my stupidity for not at least cohabitating and/or waiting until I was older. Marrying in your early 20s is almost unheard of for educated city-dwellers.

  • the (un?)social butterfly

    Adorable open love letter :)

    http://humanwomen.wordpress.com

  • http://twitter.com/sweetbabychild Sophie Wodzak

    Ive been blogging (slightly) longer than you (and I) have been married, and I have no idea how you even MAKE a gif. Ugh.

    http://www.sweetbabychild.blogspot.com

  • Cassandra

    This is beautiful.

  • lavieenliz

    I just found out that my best friend of 8 years is in love with me!! I don’t know what to do!!

    http://lavieenliz.com

  • Jules Fashion Week
  • kate

    Your relationship sounds pretty wonderful. I, too, am in love with a man that’s practical to the core. Me, not so much. You and your husband are my new relationship role models.

  • http://twitter.com/shayna121 Shayna Kulik

    Kudos to him for posing – even if it’s incognito. You’ll rub off on each other than than you realize in the years to come. He might be running to catch a flight and accidentally grab your Paris Review and be stuck enjoying it for 6hrs. You’ll probably be proficient in excel by the end of the year. Crazier things have happened. Mazel Tov on 6 months :)

  • http://thehannahblog.tumblr.com/ hannah

    Wait, do you really not shave?

  • Anne-Dorthe Andersen

    I loved this post, I love your blog and I just really love everything you write! I have my own blog and I have had i for almost 2 years now but some day I hope I become a writer as good as you! Love and hugs from AnneDortheAndersen.dk

  • Lilli

    fall in love with him!

    • lavieenliz

      you’re probably right!

  • rhodawong

    i love this post! super sweet and love your story, in love with your writing

    http://www.styleandshades.blogspot.com

  • Ayshe Rose

    We will also celebrate 6 months on the 14th of December :))) so we got married on the very same day. And now i understand why you couldn’t make it to my wedding party… Valid excuse indeed :)

    http://www.stylishtimes.net

  • Jem

    What a great story… I met my love when I was 19 and it wasn’t all smoothing sailing these past ten years but I have to say its ALL been worth it to see how far we’ve come and how deep our love has grown. People say “you are so young” but there is something so great about that! to be able to look back and remember your young love is a treasure i am grateful for now and i know i will be grateful for in 50 years. Maybe one day we will get married but knowing I have my soulmate by my side is enough for me. Happy anniversary!!! Xo

  • http://alafemme.etsy.com/ Kelly

    Beautifully written. As I began to read the comments, the fifth one read: “Wait, do you really not shave?”……of all the endearing amour, the pending anniversaire and predictions of demise, this is what stood out. Oh world, I am so enamored and scared of you.

  • http://twitter.com/_Katie_Mcc Katie McCarty

    Your stories are always so interesting and well written!

  • enitsirhcssim

    “But love knows no logic and my odd, anxious, fickle demeanor needs the prop of his tactical, strategic reliability to exist wholly. His sensible, risk-assessing approach to living all but deserves a dose of my creepy-ass brand of crazy and in reflecting on that which makes us work, it becomes evident that nothing makes us work except for the fact that, well, we work.”

    I that quote to my “other” only moments ago. Brilliant.

  • Bird

    Talk about soul/sole searching! I absolutely loved this post.

  • http://twitter.com/PetiteAve Monique d’Angeli

    This has to be my favorite post ever. Sharing something incredibly intimate and real is inspirational. Thank you for this!!

  • Yevy

    I wish you success and happiness! Happy Hannukah!

    xx

    http://www.hypnoticfascination.com/

  • Lauren Dimesky

    I am loving every intimate detail of your sweet sweet long enduring love!! I wish you continued enrichment and closeness you bring to each other each and every day!!!

    Love,

    -Lauren at adorn la femme

    htpps://adornlafemme.blogspot.com

  • georgia

    Such a well-written piece, a joy to read.

  • Alexandra

    How you manage to tell a beautiful love story and blend it in so well with a post about shoes is inspiration and pure talent! Carrie Bradshaw would be so proud.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julie-Patterson-Brinkerhoff/1472905916 Julie Patterson Brinkerhoff

    What a treat to get to know you better. I haven’t shaved since I returned from Hawaii this past March. He loves me anyway.

  • Nahid Noori

    Goddamn, Leandra. You write too well. Fuck the fashion world. You are too smart for it. Perhaps smart for making a quick buck off of it, maybe, but dammit — I’m in love with your words. xx

  • Louise

    such a great read Leandra,

    I know that this is a ‘fashion’ blog at heart and boy do I appreciate the content that you post, but the last couple of items you have written have completely captured my attention: you are an amazing writer and and the way you write about being in a marriage where opposites attract completely reminds me of my partner, and actually just why I cherish how completely different we are. Thanks for once again making this such a blog to read. (I also love the shoes)

  • Soy mi Personal Shopper

    Mes félicitations pour les 6 mois de mariage et, surtout, d’avoir trouvé une âme soeur: c’est pas une tâche facile ….Un gros bisou de l’Espagne.

  • alcessa

    Well, my reflections have been properly presented here already :-) Days
    before turning 40 (next week!) I have just yesterday firmly decided “to be
    courageous and bold for its own sake. Because it works.”

    Meaning I agree with Zou :-)

    And then the marriage thing. Married my first love
    ever though I said I never would, I still feel happily married after 10
    years and wouldn’t have it any other way. Such things do happen :-)

    And shaving is for puss- erm … oops

  • Alessia

    Adore those shoes, even if they are white, and i’m in love with black… :-)
    Alessia
    http://www.blogforblacklovers.blogspot.com

  • Amalie Espeland

    cutest thing ever. !!!

  • Belon Ardes

    Nice , love’n it:D

    gloria-agostina.com

  • Bonnie, Clyde + Marni

    You write so well!! Love it!!
    My reflection is to always follow my heart and to be brave!!
    http://www.bonnieclydemarni.com/

  • Lace and Chiffon
  • Chloe KANOUI

    If I could, my hannukah wishlist would comprise : “The ability to write like Leandra Medine, overnight”.

    XXX Kanoui

    • Ailee

      Amen – you’re an incredible writer. I could spend all day reading your posts, but unfortunately, am limited to only lunch break catch-ups! xo

  • fatfreefashion

    Sweet, earnest and true. Your words are just as inspiring as your outfits!

    http://fatfreefashion.com

  • maria

    loved this post.

  • http://www.informedstyle.com/ Devon Smiley

    This post made me sigh…big time.

    Plus, those loafers are pretty amazing.

    Devon
    InformedStyle.com

  • Justinne

    Probably one of my favorite posts! I know you rarely talk about the husband and when you do its actually refreshing. I too talk too much about yeast infection, breast stuff, periods, and all things that makes me or rather the entire female population awesome. This post sort of re-instills that I can keep talking about all of that and somewhere down the line, someone will listen forever!

    xo
    Justinne

    rxxjustinne.blogspot.com

  • michaela

    I consistently enjoy your commentary essays but this one found a place in a different part of my heart. Although you hit the nail on the head with your ideas about Instagram filters and how they define us, you really spoke to something else here. It’s no doubt difficult to find a man who is in fact Man enough to not flee at first sight of your “Repelling” shoe collection (I speak from experience). Or when you announce that you dedicate 50% of your life to a fashion blog, you are often met with the “is this some kind of cult?” face. So congrats to you for snagging one that can hang while you spew facts about Alexander Wang’s latest nippy dress. More so, accepting your differences and just loving each other for who you are is extremely important to me. So many people constantly question their differences and continue to look for something else that may fit them better. Well let me just say unfortunately men are not a Theysken’s pant, you will not find one that fits your perfectly. You will however, find one that loves you for your differences and it will just work.

    Best wishes!
    Michaela
    fashion415.com

  • Jasmine Alvarez

    I love this post!! I love your story and hope to see more posts like this in the future :-)

  • Bex

    Cutest post ever.

  • cheche

    Aaaaarrrrggghhh. Wishes, wishes, wishes wished.

  • emilia

    I met my boyfriend who I believe is my soulmate at 19 and have been worried ever since that I have met him too young and haven’t had enough life experience before the dreaded “settling down” (I am 24). We have considered breaking up because of this fact and have discussed it many times, yet we’ve never gone through with it.

    I loved reading this post and your attitude to stop thinking and just go with it, hopefully I can take your advice and stop being so worried, but its nice to know other people have this irrational fear of meeting someone too young also.

  • Valerie

    Great stuff! You have the most unique voice and talent for making fashion interesting. I wish you and your man the very best!

    Valerie

    Run With the Hunted

  • Melissa

    Loved the little insight into your personal life! Thanks for sharing!
    And if you want some laughs, right now I’m doing a series on trying to come up with 10 outfits based around a white blazer I recently bought. But the thing is, I’m in London for a few months and only living out of ONE suitcase. So eh, I’m counting on some of these looks to be a bit gender repelling! Here’s hoping for some good laughs.
    -Melissa
    http://www.ConfessionsOfTheEasilyInfluenced.blogspot.com
    @IAmInfluenced

  • http://twitter.com/emehudson Emily Hudson

    A love story and those Cole Haan loafers that look like they’ve been made from angel tears…I mean, how good does it get? #tearsofjoy

  • http://www.redshoesnoknickers.com/ Red shoes No knickers

    SO beautiful. x

  • Patricia

    this is my favorite post from you so far!! laughed out loud and almost cried reading it… so, guess having me feeling like I need prozac is a good thing…
    all the happiness to you and your “other half”!!
    xoxo from Brazil

  • The Belvedere- Alyssa

    Such a great reflection. Our 6month anniversary is only a couple of days after yours and i am also feeling very sappy. Weird how such opposites attract and can work so well together!

  • Orangeasaurus

    love the shoes :)

  • D.

    I have never fallen in love, I have never bother to put much focus on anything else but my passion for what I want to do in life (which sums up to basically spending my time studying and reading about economic growths; which too many might sound boring but to me is amazingly amusing), however this posts makes me have some hope that maybe someone will love my awkward sense of humor and my love passion for something as boring as economics. 2012 has assure me the love for my passion of what I want to do in life, and I believe that is the good decision I have made. I am curious to know if I ever will find a love like yours, if I could ever be with someone reading my wallstreet while my husband reads the entertainment section. I don’t know, but thank you for reassuring me that your missing piece does not always have to be your exact match in everything.

  • Irena Kalimani

    this intimate reflection of yours was really touching and makes me actually believe that soul mates do exist, greetings from Austria

  • vittoria gallacci

    Mmmm so that’s Mister Repeller! :D

    Vittoria from 5 IN THE MORNING

    http://vittoriafiveinthemorning.blogspot.it/

  • lauren

    love this… you’re brilliant, lady!

  • Behind the Mirror

    Very nice post!!! Love reading about the other love of your life besides fashion!

    http://www.behindthemirrorblog.blogspot.com/

  • http://agirlastyle.com/ A Girl, A Style

    Oh Leandra, this is so very touching and honest. Thank you so much for sharing!

    P.S. That first photo is *adorable*

    Briony xx

  • The Style Engineer
  • MsMariah

    Well written, from the heart and true to your natural form.. Precious.!

  • Olivia

    I love this. You write so cleverly. So nice to peek into your life for a moment…

  • http://www.facebook.com/akritenbrink Angie Kritenbrink

    you are only 24??????????????????????????
    whoa

  • dee

    sounds like my husband and i. he’s the normal to my crazy. we dated when we were 17 and i broke up with him because i didn’t want a boyfriend at that age, and he was too great. 9 years later we run into each other and get married. life is funny like that. i won’t let him buy a thing without me… i’m in fashion, he’s in finance and our reading time looks exactly like your photo. cute

  • Tyne Swedish

    Eloquently typed Leandra! Breathtaking does not begin to touch this post, which, if I may say, is one of your finest. I have been in love only once. We meet in 2005 during my first semester of college. He was 17 while I was 18, soon to turn 19. He dumped me and caused my world to implode during November 2008-January 1, 2009. Once back together we found a home and have been blindly in love ever since on a level I still cannot believe I actually can feel.

    Poppie
    http://thepoppie.com

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