What is Dating Anyway?

Don't text her at 2AM, asshole.

For the first time in a long time, all of my female friends are single. As a result, even in spite of my recent nuptials, I too feel like I am single. And while historically, absolute singledom is a tragic statistic, we live in an age when sites called “The Man Repeller” can gain considerable traction therefore inferring celebratory circumstances in matters of female independence.

Last Sunday, I was sitting at The Smile (an awesome smoked salmon haven on Bond Street for the uninitiated,) with a dear friend (friend #1) when another one (friend #2) walked in. After exchanging hellos, friend #1 told friend #2 that she and her boyfriend had recently broken up.

“Congratulations!” Friend #2 powerfully remarked before taking her seat at a separate table.

Friend #1 proceeded to explain the perils she does not want to face in resuming the dating game. I sympathized with her concerns but consequently wondered, what is dating anymore?

In trying to answer that, I came upon an overtly formal definition as explained by renowned dating guru, Wikipedia. It looked like this:

Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.

Hasn’t the mutual aim of assessing suitability become skewed by the rise of online dating though? I for one, have a female cousin who uses J Date to have sex. Her intentions are liberating but certainly not sincere–her profile says, “looking to spend happy days with someone.” What she means is quite simply, drunk and frivolous nights.

In matters of the defined “social activities,” are they of the media variety? That should be explored and expanded for the sake of clarity. After all, the internet may or may not have extincted the principals on which dating was founded. There is virtually no such thing as serendipitously meeting a mate anymore. Background checks by way of Facebook are devastatingly commonplace and herein lies a fundamental problem.

You find someone’s Facebook page, notice ambiguous photos or a weird interest in classical music and you’re turned off. But what if he was being ironic? What if you don’t know it yet but you too thoroughly enjoy classical music or at the very least turn out to enjoy that he enjoys classical music? Beethoven is badass, that’s hard to combat.

While I was still single, I didn’t know why meeting good men rendered so fucking difficult. In the early stages of my marriage, I think I’m starting to get it. Back then, I did what I thought might put me on the fast road to companionship and tried to mirror the interests of my potential suitors with my own. In doing so, I turned out dating myself over and over again. One of me is enough, I learned. Too much, even. Way too much.

And when I did like a guy? Third party hosts like twitter, Facebook, text messaging at large expedited the death of those charming fleeting butterflies. What was he doing in the thirty five minutes he didn’t reply to my really, really cute text? Who was the girl he was posing with in his pictures on Facebook? What was up with the cryptic words and open-for-interpretation wink-face emoticons that he was tweeting at obscure handles like @angelface @toohot4you? Ostensible rejection via multiple public social outlets is gut wrenching, depleting and in isolated cases, capable of inducing suicide contemplation.

I remember so vividly longing for a story like my parents. They met the old fashioned way: at a mutual friends pool party. My mother had just arrived from Italy and knew a respectable five words of English. My dad had been here two years. He asked her what time it was and she said “7 and half.” The rest is, as they say, history.

Just kidding, nothing happened until they met again two years later and she proceeded to deliberately give him a wrong number but failed to divulge synonymously fake details about her work place. He showed up the following day with flowers in hand and said this, “the next time you give a guy your fake information, don’t tell him where you work.”

Aw.

But shit like that doesn’t happen anymore. And even though subjectively, the story of how I met my husband (a combination of Facebook and Halloween) seems romantic, sounds romantic, still plays a Coldplay song in my heart, there was certainly no chase to my workplace. In fact, I chased him, really, really far.

I conclude with a question. While digital dating only becomes more and more prominent, how can we expect chance, romantic encounters to manifest anymore? In searching for even just the sliver of an answer or perhaps the affirmation that it can still exist, I offer this new column: More Modern than Modern Love chronicling the really good, really bad (and therefore better) circumstances of dating in the 21st century as told by my wildly sage, awesomely single girlfriends in New York City.

Illustration by Charlotte Fassler.

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Thoughts?
  • http://twitter.com/K8RHODES Kate Rhodes

    Preachin’ the truth.

  • http://twitter.com/TheLoveList Jess Graves

    I asked the same question on my own site a few weeks ago! It’s a barbaric custom. And who even knows what it means anymore? http://thelovelist.net/2012/10/lets-revisit-topic-of-dating.html

  • Heelsandcigarettes

    Love the new Carrie in town ;)

    • AnnaSafronova

      I thought an exact same thing!!!

      • Bibi

        i know, she’s like a new, pimped out version of Carrie

  • http://twitter.com/MarceSciacca Marce Sciaccaluga

    Loved this article. So accurate and most of all INTERNATIONALLY RELEVANT!
    Regards from Argentina

  • Jessica

    Leandra, I’ve been under a rock! Congrats on your wedding!!! We, your fans, love you and wish you all the happiness in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Paola

    “While I was still single [...]. Ostensible rejection via so many outlets is gut wrenching and depleting.” That’s what happens to me too, what I always complain about and sigh for. We strongly believe that is easier not to lose contact with someone we have met once by chance thanks to technology but reality is Facebook and Twitter cause so many cons, that we end up thinking it would have been better without them, at least concerning romantic relationships.

  • Amalie Espeland

    preach!

  • lavieenliz

    I think I have dating ADD I get sick of people really easily…it’s a problem.

    http://lavieenliz.com

  • Natalia Oh

    WRITE A BOOK Pleaseeee! I only visit your blog for the writing, the fashion is an added bonus.

  • Laura

    So well written. Love it.

  • http://www.suspironews.blogspot.com/ Betsy

    I needed this post. It’s good to know I am not the only one who feels this way haha

    http://www.suspironews.blogspot.com

  • Susan Tran

    How did I not know that you were in Vancouver! Boo-Urns I missed star stalking you at the Secret Location event last night. Hopefully you’ll come visit again.

  • Kaitlin

    Girl you hit the nail on the head every time

  • http://www.facebook.com/michele.g.crenshaw Michele Glenn Crenshaw

    Fabulously written and poetically timed for this single girl!
    Thanks, Leandra!

  • MyWhiteList

    Beautiful read!!! So entertaining and soooo damn funny!!! :-)

  • MyWhiteList

    I want more posts like this!!! Too funny!!!

  • maria barrajon

    Love it!!

    Miami in http://cravingforbarneys.com

  • Antifacebook

    Having recently gotten married myself, I also reflect on my single days. Since I am the first in the group to get married I am thus being treated as a pseudo marriage guru. One friend in particular has absolutely no luck with dating and seeks my unjustifiable, unwarranted opinions. From an objective point of view I find that she’s single because she limits herself to the confines of her social networking grid. Smart? Yes! Pretty? She’s gorgeous! Personality? Yes BUT it all fizzles when she relates everything back to Facebook etc… ” Eww hes friends with so and so…” “Ughhhh cant compete with his ex-gf who has a killer wardrobe and is also a model”. Personally I dont have facebook for these very reasons (no judgement if you do have FB!! Everyone in my life has an account!!) . I just think it should be used strictly in two contexts 1) For business/branding purposes 2) stay in touch with friends or relatives that are abroad. It renders frivolous to keep in touch with people who you will see later in the week. Pick up the phone, send an email, better yet make more plans! So many times Ive been with my facebook obsessed friend who must show me a pic of so and so from junior high who is now a neurosurgeon partying with Paris Hilton or pics from a party we (read I ) werent invited to hosted by an ex-bf yet everyone in the world was. While I am equally happy for the neurosurgeon and Paris Hilton, and for my ex, rejection hurts in all forms and FB is often times used as a tool to embellish stagnant social lives and can therefore “repel” people from what could be….I digress. Sorry for this post which makes no sense. This is my first ever post on anything and damn it, it felt great….

    • Sarah Campbell

      Hell Yes! You just spoke my mind more eloquently than I could, thank you! I left FB two years ago for those very reasons.

  • ECRiley
  • la fede

    italians do it better! ;-)

  • KJ

    You should really write a book about this, it would be my new bible. You have a great talent for writing and so accurate! I can’t get enough of your point of view.

  • http://twitter.com/Jy_p J at B.A.B.E.

    sigh.

  • alcessa

    You know, this could be the first time that I really feel damn SMUG about being married already … Online dating, Facebook status, ambivalent relationship blog posts … just the thought of it all gives me the creeps and I am not one of those old-fashioned ladies at all! (am not even a lady)

    Since I really couldn’t live with anyone who doesn’t also have a life of his own (including personal interests, fashion & lifestyle priorities and so on), I don’t know what I would do if single in this Brave new world … I really need people with their own personal freedom around me and having to check their Facebook updates just isn’t it. This probably makes me a great supporter of half-anonymous one-night stands … Yes, but there’s an age limit where this is not a possibility anymore, no?

    Good luck, awesome single MR GFs!

  • futuremrsL

    I think the days of meeting your mate “randomly” are becoming obsolete. And to all of the ladies out there who will not meet someone online because of a stigma, you are doing yourself a disservice! Who cares where or how you meet your true love as long as you actually do? Maybe I am a hypocrite because I met my fiance at a pool, but if I hadn’t, I would have an online profile up on every site. The more you have going on in your dating life and the more practice you have dating, the more attractive and open you will be when the right guy comes along, and you probably will not cling to his every text because there are 5 other guys that are taking you out next week and you are easy breezy!

    • LIL

      Love this! While I disagree meeting randomly is obsolete…it IS if you sit at home all night ON your dating profiles or stalking people on FB or having endless dinner parties with your other single girlfriends in attendance and dont GO OUT, haha….However, what I agree with is when you have OPTIONS you’re less desperate and act like less of a crazy/clingy person when you actually meet someone interesting. If you know the next potential guy is right around the corner whether it’s because you’re on lots of dating sites, or you immerse yourself in lots of activities where you could meet someone, you feel better about yourself and the process is more breezy and fun :)

  • Jacqalina

    Whens your book coming out?!

  • Felicity

    This is an interesting post. I’m like a flipping gazelle when it comes to men, so I find that all the social mediums can get a bit intimidating. I don’t like to be rushed along and it seems that too often any romance is instantly killed by too much too soon (by which I mean over exposure to each other; I ain’t no ho!), but there is also that panicked “WHY HASN’T HE TEXT ME BACK, OH NO, MAYBE THAT WASN’T A CUTE TEXT AND HE JUST THINKS I’M A WEIRDO” (likely) . I crave an organic, chance meeting and the butterflies you get from gradually getting to know someone, but it doesn’t seem possible anymore. 90% of the single people I know are using online dating now (mostly for The Good Times, like your cousin!) but that really doesn’t float my boat.

    In summary, I am planning on becoming a nun. x

    that-bird.blogspot.co.uk

  • dee

    Leandra, I love this post. You are an amazing writer.

    As for dating, I met my boyfriend online — on jdate to be exact. Whenever people ask how we met, I tell them the old fashioned way and wait to see what their reaction is. Thus far, I’ve had one person guess correctly. We made insta-friends right then and there because I knew we were on the same page about life.

  • Madeline O

    read Consuming Life by Bauman or The Outsourced Self – Hochschild

  • LA Shoegirl

    Very well said! Loved it!

  • aimee

    Leandra, you’re a fucking genius.

    Maybe we can’t expect, but instead just go forth and be captivated by the allure of the possibilities. Maybe that’s fluffy, but from a single girl in San Francisco, I have to maintain some optimism.

  • Annabel

    You literally are Carrie.

    • Catalina Gómez

      No she isn’t. She literally is Leandra, and most likely, also wearing a bra over her shirt.

  • LuckyInLove

    It EXISTS! I met my fiance at a random group dinner/pint night at a local restaurant. Instant click…we didnt start dating seriously until a few months later (and yes, I FB stalked and came positively UNGLUED during that in between time when I saw him posed with some other girl wearing matching dumb Octoberfest fedoras), but once we started seriously dating he was honest, sweet, kind, all-in, he has a real job, doesnt live with his parents and last month, got down on one knee after 10 months of dating and proposed with a big ring. I NEVER believed in this stuff, but it definitely happens.

  • LuckyInLove

    Oh, and we ABSOLUTELY dont do Facebook anymore, it’s the devil, life is way better without it.

  • http://www.EatStylePlay.com/ Eat.Style.Play

    Hmmm…I was approached my a co-worker, he asked me why was I single after doing down a list of my interest that he had been collecting ever since he complimented me on my Batman Coffee Cup. Visits to say hi to my cube without an suspect actions opened up the floor for me to be honest and open with him about what I was doing on my weekends, and what I was doing on my blog. He shocked me by remembering, and actually legit being interested. I haven’t had a guy approach me in that way in so long I didn’t know how to act. He asked me on a date, dinner and movie on Saturday. I felt the need to lay down the rules, but he beat me to it. “i don’t expect anything from this dinner but conversation and good eating” ……I almost fell out the chair. After giving OkCupid, and some other sketch ass sites a go…I knew that the face of dating had changed for the worst. I gave up, I barely check that account and when I do it’s always. “hey wanna meet at my house and chill……in the bed, nekkid” …O_o I couldn’t take it anymore.

  • Human Yogi

    Twitter/Facebook dating and texting is fun! Especially if you are clever and witty. Emoticons say a lot and the opportunity for spontaneity is off the charts. It’s your fault if you over share on Facebook and or get caught in low integrity. I appreciate the transparency. I guess it’s not for the gullible and naive though… It’s just a different game, and we are a different breed now are we not?

  • lolagirl

    Amazing, insightful post! You write always write better than you did the post before. Love it.

  • Elle

    from wiki love the “or” –> “suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse”

  • Jennifer

    I have never actually dated (have had a boyfriend for 6/5 years but we didn’t necessarily date.. just got together through mutual friends) and I am terrified to do it. So thank God I’m not single lol

    xo Jennifer

    https://seekingstyleblog.wordpress.com

  • http://twitter.com/borderlinefab Borderline Fab

    Love this new column idea! Digital Dating Woes! Especially love the part about “What was he doing in the thirty five minutes he didn’t reply to my really, really cute text?” Because you know that is happening every second! FB Stalking doesn’t make it any easier either! Anyways, love your blog and love this!

    - alice

  • reptilia

    AMEN. LOVE LOVE LOVE this post so much!!

    http://www.justreptilia.com

  • Casey Williams

    I did both – meeting boyfriends online (let’s hear it for Friendster, MySpace, and pre-serieal-killer Craigslist!) and the old fashioned way through friends. I ended up marrying the one I met through friends. If I had met him online, I probably wouldn’t have gone out on a date with him because his written repartee is not all that witty, but he’s quite funny and smart in person. I also immediately had a different level of trust with him because of the friend connections – there was definitely a layer of skepticism in all online dates. However, I loved online dating because it gave me a sense of control – I wanted to date, so I was doing something about it! (There’s only so many single men to meet through friends.)

    Exploring both gives you more variety, and variety is needed in dating. Neither is right or wrong, both may result in a happy partner-dom.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julie-Patterson-Brinkerhoff/1472905916 Julie Patterson Brinkerhoff

    Internet “dating” led me to do something I would have never done previously. I dated two guys at the same time so I could figure out which one I wanted to marry. Unfortunately number 1 guy didn’t leave as early on Saturday as I expected so number 2 guy and number 1 guy passed each other on the stairs. Number 1 guy asked, number 2 guy didn’t. I chose number 2 guy and we’ve been happily married for almost 4 years. Whew.

  • http://twitter.com/webhautejas jasmine.

    i dont think that women or men respect the “dating” process anymore…you cannot truly get to know somewhere via social networks…real face to face time in several situations is needed…& then theres the actual conversation….a lost art.

  • Emily

    WORD. I resist (sometimes passionately) online dating, despite my friends’ and family’s persistence. And you spelled out the reasons why. The men I end up falling for are ones that wouldn’t necessarily fit my online dating criteria. And it’s sad to think that I would miss out on meeting those people. The same goes for friends, actually. My best friends and I may have some similar interests, but with many of them, our tastes vary so much (sometimes I wonder how in the world I am friends with some of them).
    Anyway, I like this. And will shove in the aforementioned friends’ and family’s faces…

  • Aubrey

    This is super awesome. I’m glad you can still celebrate all the single ladies but give us insight to the married life because let’s face it, we’re all suckers for love, committed or otherwise.

  • Effe

    Very good!!! Love the way you write (and reading from you is an amazing exercise for my english….!) ! Hey MR is your mum from ITALY??? From where ????

  • Ashlee

    Bible!! Or like they say in my country… Gazette! Love it

  • Tiiu

    unreal. loved every word! you hit the nail on the head!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/alicia.mierzwa Alicia Mierzwa

    I’m obsessed with your writing style! Though I generally come to your blog for fashion inspiration, I end up reading more than actually looking at pictures…the fact that I’m expanding my vocabulary with words like ‘serendipitously’ and ‘ostensible’ (I’m from Germany originally) is just an added bonus! Thank you for your unique, smart and entertaining take on the world!

  • swoomer

    Amen.

  • Belén Cavas Hernández

    I think today is very easy to meet people but it is difficult to find that person that makes it special. Meanwhile enjoying the doors that open, you never know what you might find.

    http://iwanttobeavoguette.blogspot.com.es/2012/11/happy-weekend-with-friends.html

    • Jduran

      I totally agree. I meet people all the time, and its fun. But its rare that I meet someone that I can actually make a genuine connection with.

      • Leandra Medine

        If the “soulmate” theory is really true though, it shouldn’t be that surprising that it’s not easy to find deep connections on most dating endeavors. One jar, one lid. Knowwamean?

        • paperstarz

          Well, lids CAN fit more then one jar. The problem is that with so much personal information being put out there for everyone to see, the true essence of falling in love and “courting”, butterflies in your stomach sort of deal is lost and hard to find. You know everything about everyone just by looking at their facebook, reading their twitter, etc…no fun in that. (And I only say this, because so many friends tell me about their dating nightmares and/or lack of. I was lucky to have met my husband before blogs and social networks.)

  • http://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/ Newborn Fanatic

    gosh i know what you mean. i look around at my friends and family, and have been seriously noticing that its SO HARD to meet a man! unless you have many friends that know a lot of people, its really difficult to find someone. i guess that’s why there’s online dating programs… there are also dating agencies that help set you up with boyfriends/girlfriends depending on profile and stuff….good luck to everyone! :O

    http://newbornfanatic.wordpress.com/

  • Marija

    Thank you for learing us,European,English! (Just saw I’m not the only one!)

  • mercat

    I too met my husband [again] via the net and then meeting in person in NOLA for Halloween. That “again” part seems to happen more often than not with numerous friends of mine, not just married but in long relationships. It just has to be the right time, I’m not sure if you can force it, both parties have to be on the same page. And I think you have to make your self accessible for it, but still maintain the rest of your life and not just focus on meeting someone. I think when you reach that point when you can mingle but don’t freak out or feel like your missing out if you don’t, when you reach a certain confidence with yourself and your life can you truly be noticeable to the right kind of guy and vice versa. Me and my husband often ponder on what would’ve happened if we had clicked the first time. I don’t think we would be together today. It’s a very give and take kind of thing too. The older you get it’s harder to give, you just want. It was a long road till I met my husband, and now I don’t regret one bit of it. And I wonder at times if we would’ve met back up if it wasn’t for the net [myspace was the thing at the time]. You would think since we can communicate with so many people from anywhere it would be a lot easier to find the right person, with all the options. Maybe it is too many choices. Our parents did not have so many. Like spoiled kids who can have it all so nothing or no one is good enough.

  • Martina

    I love this new column! I’m exciting that you’re trying out new things and also that this is something not fashion-related. I’m always up for some relationship advice as well.. Excited! ;) x

    http://thirdculturecool.blogspot.com

    • Martina

      I meant excited… argh!

  • http://twitter.com/NatalieConte1 Natalie Conte

    This is the best thing you’ve ever written.

  • Frances Coral

    I cannot deal with what and excellent writer you are.

  • O

    great post!

  • http://nicolettemason.blogspot.com nicolette

    i love, love, love this – leandra. your writing is my favorite thing about your blog, and i’m happy to see it dabble more and more frequently outside the realm of fashion.

    if you ever want a perspective on the even smaller world of same sex relationships, i’m your gal. add the dimension of working in fashion (a vehemently uncool thing to do in a strictly non-profit-oriented world, jenna lyons & courtney crangi notwithstanding) and we’ve got a really complicated web going. just don’t ask me how i’ve stayed in perpetual serial monogamy for pretty much the last decade; i have no idea, either.

  • jeba

    wtf ? the new carrie in town????? yeah right.

  • http://twitter.com/ErinGlabby Erin Michelle

    Your parents’ story is awesome! I wonder what a world where you actually had to track someone down physically in order to ask them out is like? We’ll never know. Though, I can’t really complain. My husband met me at church then Facebook/Twitter/general Internet-stalked the crap out of me to get back in touch, which I appreciated greatly. I’m looking forward to reading that column!

    -Erin-
    OneTwoSummer

  • fromtheloftabove

    love this post! it’s really disappointing to think that a lot of our romantic encounters will be virtual…i really dislike facebook and twitter, so much so that when i got engaged i didn’t update my new “status” – i feel that it’s much nicer to announce these things in person. even though i got together with my husband-to-be at a sleepover with him feeling me up, at least it was real and there was no game playing! ;)

    fromtheloftabove.wordpress.com

  • http://twitter.com/contentnet contentnet

    OK. Call me old-fashioned, but when did dating become antiquated? How are people supposed to meet each other? Is it not OK to be introduced through friends, even if the Internet was a facilitator? Dating should not be so complicated.

  • http://twitter.com/ragsNredbottoms Sonia V. Baines

    I love this absolutely love this. I still rely on sex and the city to answer all my unanswered question. 30 and single still ughhhhh!

    • serena jones

      Maybe the problem is you still rely on sex and the city for all your unanswered questions… I have learned the best way is to start answering them yourself.

  • NatSeesStyle

    Yes! SO excited for this new column!

    xo,
    Nat

  • The Urban Promeneur

    This article is so bloody true that I enjoyed it so much and read it 4 times. You made my week, my month, my year.

    http://www.THEURBANPROMENEUR.blogspot.com

  • http://www.perfumehk.com/ parfums

    beautiful post.

  • http://twitter.com/richandstack Shop Rich & Stack

    Such a great post. I think in the year 2030, the most romantic thing might be “he liked all my photos” or “it started with a poke”. Different era, different technology, different stories. Have a great weekend. xx

  • yvonne

    Aw. DO text at 2am! That way i know i’m on your mind before you fall asleep.
    http://www.prettydaffodils.blogspot.com

  • http://pantherstophat.com/ The Panther’s Tophat

    I have a question, do we ever get over the bad boy syndrome. Why do we only like guys when we have to do the chasing???? Do we ever actually grow out of this?

  • LeahS.

    I agree that online dating, and all of the technology these days can be detrimental to a relationship. I prefer kicking it old school. My husband and I had a chance meeting on vacation in Mexico. I love that we have a good story to tell our kids one day of how we fell in love.

  • Ricky

    So sage

  • lauren

    Let me start off by saying that I love this post and the hope it brings on the word and all that surrounds love in todays society. Please please Leandra Bradshaw write a book on your perspetives and your journey through fashion, love and being a fabulous girl in nyc. Your blog is always a favorite of mine so honest, funny and full of unexpected fun style!

  • K

    Don’t have a social network. We are adapted to fast connections, fast friends and fast love. This has made us see love and dating differently. It will always be hard and you will likely always feel heartbreak…but you learn more about yourself when you don’t mediate your love through technology. Cool post MR.

  • PZH

    So sex and the city, but SO much better! LOVE this! So true! I love this piece, your writing, as always, is amazing!

    xo
    http://www.monmonologue.com

  • ML

    i freaking love the fact that the comments actually mean something in this blog (isn’t it the scent in every blog, whatsoever?). i’m so full of fashion blogs where comments are only propaganda for wannabe bloggers!

  • Alexandra Gloff

    Leandra Medine, new real life Carrie Bradshaw? I’m on board.

  • Syahira

    Absolutely love your writing! Such an inspiration! :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=587061798 Piarpreet Kaur

    Where did u write ur love story?.

  • valerie

    love this post! probably the best thing you’ve written so far. I find the dating scene so difficult nowadays. It’s funny how we all live in a digital age- able to connect with anyone and anybody but unable to keep a sustainable relationship. It’s like we all so close in proximiity but that proximity is an illusion.

    thethirdcouture.com

  • Jeff Cullen

    A subject close to my heart. I have been lucky enough to meet my three long-term girlfriends “the old fashioned way”, while eternally watching my friends (both male and female) flail about helplessly in this crazy modern environment. Looking forward to this column! Big respect.

  • nelya

    While reading this, I’m like oh my gosh, she should sounds just like Carrie Bradshaw and I’m not sure why she doesn’t have a book out yet. Hmmm…. xNel
    thegoldenringer.blogspot.com

  • http://twitter.com/PetiteAdventure Petite Adventures

    Fabulous post – and it couldn’t have come at a better time for me! Thanks for a great and insightful read.

    Kate xo petite-adventures.blogspot.ca

  • nora

    oh so true!

  • http://twitter.com/contentnet contentnet

    We are eagerly awaiting this discussion on dating and we are joining the conversation: http://prettykittypublishing.blogspot.com/2012/11/to-boy-who-broke-up-with-his-girlfriend.html

  • http://twitter.com/contentnet contentnet

    Question: Does anyone think about boys more whilst menstruating than not? I do. Why? Dunno? http://prettykittypublishing.blogspot.com/2012/11/to-boy-who-broke-up-with-his-girlfriend.html

  • Tania

    This was so Love at the Bowery Bar! I loved reading this, despite hating the fact that I actually see myself in a lot of it. I just can’t wait to read your book girl

  • iloveleandra

    in addition to the internet’s impact on the initial stages of dating, it also permeates our perception of relationships. over the years, i’ve seen that friends love-related insecurities (why am i single? is my relationship happy enough?) are exacerbated by social media. only happy occasions (cuddly moments, marriage proposals, surprise birthday parties) make their way onto social media (i for one have never seen a facebook album chronicling a lovers spat), leaving others wondering why they are dealing with the hard work and hard moments that all meaningful relationships entail.

  • http://twitter.com/SAIENTIFIC sai versailles

    Beautifully written and rightfully said. Well done!

    http://odyssai.com

  • K

    Fuck yeah

  • Kemi

    You hit the nail on the head. Really well written. I haven’t given on love but I don’t focus my time on meeting the right guy anymore because its depressing. I’m focusing on loving me until I do meet a good guy, that’s if he exists. Oh yeah, i freed myself from the shackles of Facebook 2 years ago!

  • Paperstarz

    Social networks have killed “dating” as we used to know it. Everything is impersonal online and everyone loves everyone. The words “I love you” losing meaning everyday, thanks to the internet.

  • http://twitter.com/TalkingWithTami TalkingWithTami

    Very cute! I wouldnt want to date in this new age for anything So glad I’m married!

  • vittoria gallacci

    Now is so simple to keep in touch with a person you like, you get his/her mobile phone and the game is done! But no one will remember the first text in a relationship… instead your mom will certainly remember that your father brought her flowers… So damn romantic <3

    I have a fiancè which is both of the romantic and the texting part… I'm so in love with him ^_^

    Vittoria

    http://vittoriafiveinthemorning.blogspot.it/

  • Kati H.

    This is great. But, though there is online dating, and I have online dated, I surprisingly met my boyfriend of three years through mutual friends at his brother’s birthday party (at his house!). So it does happen the old-fashioned way, sometimes. Also, my grandparents met during the war at a bar. So, you just never know. Humans are humans.

  • Leslie

    so fucking excited for this column. i amusedly/angrily sent this link to my bff already haha

  • Elsi Ferris
  • http://twitter.com/liannapisani Lianna Pisani

    I really adore this new column. Great writing, and wonderful diction. Your personality is beautifully juxtaposed with insight. I’m very much looking forward to more posts!

  • TheRomantic

    Thank you for this – you hit on something I’ve been angsting about for a while now. My friends keep telling me it’s all about online dating now. I can’t say I’ll never do it, but I am resisting as long as possible because I’m determined, at least for now, to discover a serendipitous gem of romantic ages past.

  • DatingInHollywood

    Love your post! Check out my dating blog about the perils of dating in LA!
    http://datinginhollywood.tumblr.com/

  • Rach

    I’ve recently been dating guys I have met online… Im eighteen and I’m in school with thousands of people I never meet. I have found it impossible to meet anyone even at such a young age. If ever I do meet someone while I’m out in the real world, all he seems to want is a hookup. I have met several guys (in public for my safety) in which I had been talking to online. Nothing felt real or authentic. The last guy I had been seeing was honestly a really great guy but wanted more from me emotionally than I could give… We had seen each other only three times and I was still getting to know him. I feel as though lately it is all so fast, instead of being given the time to grow to love someone, we jump from one person to the next and show the same amount of affection. Wouldn’t he have rather for me to be EVENTUALLY in love than to act as if I were before I had even the chance to feel it?

  • mimi

    Don’t have a creative comment to add nor any ‘different’ opinion to share. I just want to say I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!! you are amazing. can’t wait until you start writing books. Reading your blog is my “break”.. and watching GG hehee

  • Christine S.

    Facebook stalking really does lead to unnecessary dating paranoia. I feel lucky to have met my boyfriend the “old fashioned way” in a bar amongst mutual friends. And when he he didn’t add me on Facebook within a few weeks (and then eventually told me he didn’t have Facebook at all) I thought he was a liar or a creep who had deleted it or worse yet, hidden it! Thankfully I was wrong and he turned out to be amazing – even sans the ultra-digital hyper-connected life that I so foolishly thought everyone must need or have to be “normal”.

  • http://twitter.com/IlaRed IlaRed

    I also met my half apple due to acombination of Facebook and Halloween!

  • Cece3

    I totally agree with this.

  • Online

    It’s true that dating someone now-a-days fizzles out faster than and alka seltzer in water and we can all blame facebook, twitter, cell phones, and anything else that allows us to communicate instantly for that. But times are changing and we need to learn how to control ourselves! Sure it’s easy to do a background check on someone over facebook, to text someone 10 seconds after you just saw them, or to tweet them while you’re on a date. Should we really blame social media and technology though? Nope, I don’t think so. We should blame ourselves. Just because it is easy to do something does not mean we should do it. So let’s control ourselves when we start dating someone new. I forgot what the point of that was but I think I was eventually going to link it to how my boyfriend and I met. Online. I found my soulmate. Online. Love happens anywhere. It doesn’t have to be romantic or cheesy.

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