Wow! Colors! Fun! Neat! Today in ways to keep endorsing The Outnet (see: Shoe Sale, Holy Grail,) because discounted designer fashion from the trenches of Net-A-Porter is practically my middle name if it were hyphened approximately nine times and I actually had a middle name, the happiest charm bracelets and necklaces on planet earth. Strange things are happening. In the last couple of months I have found my interest levels in previously dubbed uninteresting things at an all time…interesting. Here is a short list featuring some of the more generic.
1. Thumb rings. And even though Kris Jenner agrees, this more prevalently comes to demonstrate how deep a footprint Jordan Catalano planted in the soil of our souls.
2. Tuna sandwiches. One time I had a bad one and then said, “never again,” but last week I was really hungry and so ate one and said “why did I ever stop eating these?” Yesterday I bought one from a shop on University Place and upon taking my first bite, felt something really hard nearly crack my molar. I pulled it out of my mouth and found that it was a neon yellow bottle cap. “Cool,” I thought even though the consistency of a chunk of mayonnaise laden tuna fish and a similar chunk of plastic isn’t my particular idea of the ideal lunch. This could have theoretically put tuna sandwich back on the list of disinterest but consuming neon is somewhat fun.
3. Storing shoes I don’t particularly love in my fridge. I guess it’s unfair to call this previously uninteresting because I’d never really thought about. Why store my shoes in my fridge, you ask? Because I don’t have a lot of space and also hope that maybe putting them in my fridge will, you know, make them cooler. Ba da ba, chhhh. [Crickets, crickets,] Anyone? [Crickets.] You have no sense of humor, internet.
4. Athletic sneakers for non-athletic purposes. Isabel Marant is really revolutionizing the way in which the females of our generation walk. I bought a pair of Nike Frees last week which don’t have wedges but are colorful, because I was going to go where no Repeller had gone before: the gym, but after not actually doing that, noted that they would look great with leather pants and a black pea coat the following Fall. I wasn’t going to tell anyone that.
5. Zygote sized purses. I don’t want to carry around anything, much less the shit I don’t need. Except maybe my cell-phone which leads me to think that both purses and wallets can be replaced by nifty iPhone holders and glitter money clips, or little tiny yellow python boxes.
6. Red lipstick. After being called Front Row Frieda at a fashion show last season I figured that maybe red wasn’t my lip’s hue but then I woke up one morning last month and said, “why was looking like Frieda Kahlo ever self-classified as problematic?” Now I look like a Mexican painter nearly everyday. Especially when I do that flower crown thing. My eyebrows are so bushy, head hair so thick, thank you genetic fiber.
7. And finally: charms. Remember when they were stupid and loud and reminiscent of only sterling silver sweet-sixteen gifts? Not anymore. On necklaces, on bracelets, on rings, on pubic hair. Initially, I’d been drawn to charms like this one, of the Jennifer Fisher variety but when I saw the slew of Venessa Arizaga bright, kitchy statement stuff, which included little stars, skulls, turtles, lockets, hands, hearts, fruit, outside the confines of a full priced Opening Ceremony and on the pages where slashes reign, I was just like: “hey, I want to introduce you to someone I think you will get along with great,” I was referring to my neck. I was right, too. They hit it off and it was that point that they came together in blissful matrimonia. This guy is pretty awesome too, I do enjoy a good smiley face. But you knew that.