Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Jorts Revisited

…And not the denim cut-offs simply because jorts is a better word. Though torrential downpour suggests otherwise and I’ve been projecting an angry weather mood far too long, summer it is a’coming. And when the going gets hot, it’s hard not to seek solace in the easy airy notion of simple denim shorts and a plain white t-shirt. This theory was proven true last summer amid a very long rally of 100-degree-days that spared no inkling of breeze for even a single pant. Sunday’s postalluded to a looming deeper description that would outline the vast scenarios denim shorts and a plain white tee can be applicable, and here it is: find below three ways stretch your cut-offs and tee to an entire summer wardrobe.

Look number one is easy as pie: just add cool sandals. Flat or heeled is up to you though a small heel does elongate the leg and while I can recognize and appreciate that there will be no man-repelling going on above the ankle lest you neglect the bikini wax, pudgy deformed toes and ambiguous pre-historic ankle bones are not as discreet as I once thought they were. People notice that shit. Trust me.

You can even put your hair in a top knot if it gets too hot for your neck to handle but definitely and most importantly don’t forget to pigeon toe your left leg and bend that same knee. Heck, throw four of your fingers into a pocket should you feel so inclined. Ksubi shorts, Topshop muscle tee, Isabel Marant sandals, Oliver Peoples sunglasses.

Look number two previews the popped knee and single pigeon toe again. I guess I really am a blogger. This is the work appropriate interpretation of jorts-n-tee. Try a light weight blazer and some brogues that make you look down and think: I wish Frank Sinatra were here. You’re doing something right if the sentiment even induces a makeshift performance of Strangers in The Night. Bend your knees and snap your fingers. A briefcase bigger than your body is a nice and fun inclusion if you’ve got one too.

…It will make acting like you’re on the run even though you’re actually just motioning in place afront a big fat brick wall that much more entertaining. Rag & Bone jacket, MR. Dannijo necklace, Warby Parker specs, Cole Haan brogues, Leah & Bliss briefcase.

And finally, when there’s no box of which to think outside, for the creative freak with nowhere to go: a striped peplum jacket, counter-print heels equipped with obligatory ankle cuff, a few more necklaces and some sunglasses to make sure the cat lady stereotype continues to ring true, it’s like you can’t even tell there are shorts and a tee underneath this one. Altuzarra pumps, Tibi jacket, Karen Walker sunglasses, Reece Hudson yellow purse.

And, well, duh: MR. Dannijo eyeballs layered and complimented by another important facial feature, see: Aurelie Bidermann lips. And that’s it, that’s all I got for you. Do you like it? Or do you like it, like it? Which is your favorite? Least favorite? Tell me or I’ll die. Die, I tell ya, not live. All photos by Naomi Shon.