From Milan

False alarm. The aforeposted BRB is actually just an RB. As in, right back, I am here. Hola. Bonjour. Many asked so I’ll have you know the sweater clad in shark eating nipple illustrating my “be back in a GIFfy!” is by Markus Lupfer. I thought I was going to Paris yesterday, I did not in fact go which yields good news and bad news, the good news is: steady posts, the bad news is: Paris is the shit. Never mind that though, let’s do what we did last week:talk the fleeting fashion week and continue forward with our lives. Up today: a look back at Milan.

We’ll start where most good stories about man repelling start: at Marni. I’ve been going back and forth in my head of heads contemplating a reversion to white tights. There’s a toddler at ballet quirky charm about them and paired with printed pants, clog open toe shoes and maybe the sporadic patent leather trench vest or red maxi cape, it’s a tale that reprimands the use of medical birth control as old as time. A redundant saying, yes, but so necessary to include sometimes.

Over at Dolce & Gabbana,I commend the consistency Stefano and Domenico pay to the stream of their collections. Ultimately it must be said, this is essentially a continuation of Spring. Sure, the sheer accents, lush gold appliques, vibrant use of color and interesting silhouettes render this a competing for first place top five favorite, but where’s the departure from comfort zone? Also, here’s some trivia for you: at what other show was Sara Blomqvist (second at left) graced with the opportunity to wear birds over her nipples?

While you mull that over, we look to Prada, where for the fourth consecutive season, the collection maintains its signature Prada mystique without falling victim to this-is-just-last-season-with-tights syndrome. Long trench vest dress hybrids, geometric prints, quirky wool use, midi skirts over cropped pants and some shoes that look like they may or may not be dripping over onto the ground keep it fresh. The embellishments and un-contrived nature of the silhouettes keep it…Prada.

With the inclusion of copious cape coats that look like robes, skimpy sheath midi dresses and overall light, airy and flimsy vibe, Jil Sanderplays with innerwear as outerwear motifs. Two of my favorite looks included a patent leather strapless a-line dress. How many of those do you own? Conversely, a jumpsuit that divides the tatas from the stomach and plays with the borders of semi-repelling. See, it’s fun for everyone.

A cropped black leather coat, brocade harem style pants, velvet accents, make-shift peplums and a small dose of floral print make Guccithe perfect combination of virtually everything. It’s black without being too dark, romantic without feeling too girly and high end art without exuding an element of unwearable.

There’s also a steroid-stricken cape, so…

And finally, I believe the Milan winner, winner chicken dinner this season was Roberto Cavalli who in an unapologetic manner dressed all his models like really expensive tents. Tiered layers of peplum, mermaid tails and sweater, sequined metallic parachute pants, and though I can’t say I’m thrilled about the leopard print blazer, holy hot loins. I want to be on you, part two.