“Sexy, Shocking and Seductive”

Leandra Medine | November 15, 2011

Got to love the dichotomous nature of a thirty second video or rather web-mmercial about shoes so high, chunky and colorful, they’re grade-A man repellers at best, and yet quite literally marketed across the perfectly constructed curves of an alpha-female’s body. I suppose this just comes to show, shoes maketh the outfit. And evidently, birthday suit. Even a dripping naked body–breast lines and everything–couldn’t hide the fate these shoes will inevitably render: the ladies will die and not in the literal sense, I’m talking more like Rachel Zoe grazing her hand upon vintage Oscar de la Renta. And the boys will cry…as in, “don’t call me, I’ll call you.” Just kidding about that one! But in case I’m not…consider yourself lucky, twice! You dodged a human bullet and once again, Brian Atwood fans, rejoice! They’re from the diffusion line. Which, you know, is heavily based of the main line. I’d really wanted these but instead just helped myself to these. Life is about compromise, you see. And now I conclude with the best joke in the history of jokes: what did one boob say to another? You better perk up or people will think we’re nuts!

…Just seemed so relevant, we were talking anatomy anyway.