Honeys, I’m home! Hey! How’s it going? Did you repel yesterday like I told you to? Did you wake up alone this morning? Alright. Following the thematic and patriotic nature of the last post, today, we talk jury duty. Jury duty! Repelling at the courthouses! I can’t stop exclamating again! Try to stop me! It won’t work!
Last week, I had jury duty. You would know this if you followed me on twitter. I took my lunch breaks at Isabel Marant.
In any case, I think we can agree that JD is likely the least trendy mandatory civil service bestowed upon Americans. In true spirit lent to my namesake though, I took to my closet and combined as much neon as my wardrobe would allow. You know, to bring some color to the dreary court houses on Centre Street.
Starting with the most important feature of the outfit: I took a crisp white silk blouse and worked around it. I’m not sure if you can see it in these photos, but it may perhaps be the best blouse to have fallen into my lap. If not because of the material, than most certainly because it’s mullet shaped–shorter in the front, longer in the back–and MR says yes to mullets. I digress.
The outfitting results were phenomenal, if not because nearly every passerby looked me up, down and in some instances shook their heads, then because during the downtime between juror trials, I may or may not have taken this belt off and tried to wear it as a bracelet, head piece, anklet and uh…a purse strap.
For jury duty, this is appropriate because: At the end of the day, I am just wearing a crisp white blouse and jeans. My pants are belted and the shoes give me some height while still promoting comfort. I can’t really rationalize the detachable green collar, though.
This repels because: Viva la neon! Flatforms! And suppose the attorney questioning the prospective jurors could get past bright pink pants, a neon belt, and layered collars, how do I explain the two double-strap watches set to universally wrong times? I don’t know, would you pick me for your juror?
…No one else did.
Your other option, however, should you choose to stay away from the neons: check ‘Yes’ when asked, “Have you ever been convicted of a felony?” Add: ‘And I’d do it again.’
Originally published here, where I will be guest blogging all month long. You just wait to see the kind of shit I have hidden up my sleeve. Muhahahaha.