I remember a time when knowing how to manipulate HTML was frowned upon and being anointed the resident HTML wizard meant your nights usually included Star Trek reruns and a good night kiss from your mother, whose social life was ten fold more active than your own, at 11pm. Talking URL in a social setting was suicide. Suspenders were reserved for people who couldn’t independently keep their pants up, and thick frames, for those of us incapable of committing to contact lenses.
Fast forward ten years. If the growing vitality of the social media phenomenon and universal rejection of former blogger stereotypes that suggest perpetual loneliness and instead the emergence of “It Girl” status (I’m not hitting on myself here, people. I’m thinking about Rumi) are an indication of anything,
it’s that Steve Urkel is back, and that mo’frika isn’t transforming into Stephan Urkelle any time soon. That was a long sentence, sorry.
In any case, internet lovers, rejoice! It’s time to let our geek flags fly in a most chic manner. Here’s how:
In mastering the art of channeling your inner-Urkel, you’re going to need a pair of suspenders. I for one, suggest you bedazzle the metal accents. This is obviously a job for PS I Made This. You’ll get bonus points for dressing them over plaid. Before the hipster, there was the nerd. And before the nerd there was the lumberjack. But he’s not as important in this context. I’m just giving you the facts. Suspenders are a perfect tool for man repelling as they require a pair of high waist pants. And often, if not always, induce a camel-toe. Definitely include a spikey ring in the mix. It’s just silly not to.
Maracas velvet loafers in. You can try your hand at pairing a brogue with the look too, but this is about updating old style norms. And slippers were all the rage on recent runways. I will dig deeper into this over time. Specs by Warby Parker.
Since we’ve been buttoning our shirts to the tippy-collar for months now, all you’ll have to do in this step is continue. Add birth control glasses for dramatic effect.
It may subtract attention from your camel toe.
Say cheese and for extra repeller points, you can cut cheese too.
(Ba da ba, chhh!)
In a most schizophrenia-chic mode, world, meet my personalities. Call us!
In one final photo, I show you how to get down. On your brother’s desk. If you don’t have a brother, I suggest you adopt one.
Ultimately, I put the fun in dysfunctional and my job is to make sure you and your closet enjoy the shit out of life. Take these style cues, snort while you laugh if you want to. And should you land a man in this ensemble, it’s only fair that you use the suspenders as a harness for inappropriate sexual purposes. He did, after all, see past your camel toe.