A couple of weeks ago I bared the wet weather and hopped my ass on over to an abandoned warehouse in the outskirts of Chelsea. There, rapists and murderers alike waited for me, anticipating I would teach them a thing or two about alternative use for unconventional weapons.
“Can I wear paint splashed pants, too?” A most wanted for murder of thirty children asked.
…And I’ve officially taken this joke too far. There were no rapists or murders on site, just the delightful and outrageously stylish team behind The Outnet. And when I say outrageously stylish, I am taking Jil Sander S/S, people.
I walked into a bright white room filled with racks and racks and racks (and racks) of clothes. The ones specifically tailored to my liking obviously included feathers, studs, neon brights, nun-chucks, boa constrictors and the like. I was to style two looks. And that I did. Here they are.
In this particular look, I was going for the infant gets abducted by a black crow that was bred in a Parisian atelier look. Do you think I succeeded in my efforts? I mentioned this several times through the course of the day but since most of you weren’t there, I’ll say it again: the jacket should come with a warning sign. I really very truly believed for a moment that I could fly. Ask my best friends Suzanne Schloot and John Jannuzzi, they were there.
In look number two, I tried my very hardest to make off with the garments on my body. No really. I even tried to distract the Outnet team with conversation about cupcakes and the difference between New York and London gloom. It didn’t work so I mentioned pubic hair. That didn’t work either, which is…a shame.
In any case, this may very well be the best outfit I’ve ever worn.
I just a few seconds ago ordered the dress from the Outnet, I was afraid if I didn’t, one of you would. Sorry suckas. On the bright side though, there is an entire tab on the website dedicated to my favorite picks from the shoot. You can shop any, all, none–whatever you chose–of them! Just clicky ticky, nicky, bicky on this elongated link!
So go on now, shop away. I’ll be right here…