The Runway Shows: A Man Weighs In

by Leandra Medine
February 21, 2011
READ NEXT

At an after party last week I heard someone equate the anti-climactic nature of Fashion Week to skiing. Here’s what he said: you wake up real early, stretch, put your long johns on (bonus points if there Rag & Bone F/W 2009), get your ski gear on, eat breakfast, put your boots on, your goggles, your gloves and then lift your way up the mountain only to have skied the entire mountain in under 25 minutes just half an hour later. There is some truth to what the man said and in light of this, I thought it would be of maximum appropriateness to have a man weigh in on last week’s shows.

I chose my friend Sean Chraime, who, by the way, just got engaged. His fiance is an avid Herve Leger enthusiast who fell from heaven, which should explain a lot. Mind you, the man behind the woman has no background fashion knowledge whatsoever and thus receiving emails from him all Friday afternoon that read “the cat hat is Anna Sui, right? I think I mixed the Marchesa and Milly looks up” was thoroughly enjoyable. In his defense, he is supremely funny and wrote a really special poem for me before I went abroad to Paris last Fall. My favorite verse went like this: “oui, oui, Monsieur, please make your move. I’d love to bone you, in The Louvre.” 

And without further ado, I give you his unfiltered Fashion Week musings. Just kidding, they are filtered. I edited the shit out of them.

Anna Sui

I may or may not be the author of the Idiot’s Guide to Sartorially Seducing a Customs Agent but throwing an animal carcass on your head is one way of confirming that you checked “yes” to 11B on the entry form. (MR Note: But why wear a hat, when you can wear a cat?) Unless you’ve been invited to an evening gala at Mohegan Sun there are better ways to attract attention, but few to repel men.

Proenza Schouler

When an outfit reminds me of a long tenured elementary school librarian that has notorious arm flab and a faint aroma of tuna and chives…well, you LOSE. (MR Note: No, you lose. And another note: But her pants look like Tetris. Channeling virtual games has to lend itself some man getting credibility.)

Prabal Gurung

I may be going out on an forcefully (MR Note: forcefully because I threatened to teach his fiance how to tie a turban if he didn’t get this done on time) creative limb here but if I was the bastard lovechild of Sigourney Weaver and David Attenborough I would say you look like a furry jellyfish…the photo-negative of one…maybe more of a squid if you consider the amorphous-chic nature of her body and black tentacles peeking out of her jacket (MR Note: we call that which is peeking out of her jacket “a skirt.”)

Milly

You know the hot blond southern belle living in your freshman dorm that makes you hate all the mediocrity you had to deal with going to a Yeshiva day school on the east coast from K-12 (MR Note: No. I am the mediocrity you had “to deal with” going to a Yeshiva day school, jackass)….Fast forward to graduation when you finally meet her mom and you’re dumbfounded to learn that she’s unattractive, overweight and wearing THIS OUTFIT. (MR Note: Trendy.)

VPL

This reminds me of those oil absorbing face wipes that pretty much always confirm that you’re face is oily as shit…yeah, I cried a few times about it too, my mom told me it makes for healthier skin…But why on EARTH did you decide to build pants out of them and forget to get a wax and wear a goddamn panty liner? (MR Note 1: Panty liners are often reserved for light menstrual days. I think you mean just a plain old panty. Nice reference re: the unkempt lady bits though. MR Note 2: I’ve come to learn you have excessive ellipses disorder.)

Suno

That looks like my grandma…and my grandpa…and their kitchenette…with tights…unless you plan on serving me the best eggplant Parmesan this side of the international date line or reminding me I’m the smartest of all the cousins, please take it off…just take it OFF. (MR Note: Don’t listen to him, you look fab-u.)

Marchesa

Allow me to paint a scene for you…cliché high school movie, freaks, geeks, cheerleaders, tramps and of course, the token pale fat girl who’s painfully optimistic and convinces herself she can orchestrate a universally friendly social environment…cut to prom queen announcement, after a painstakingly glamorous campaign everyone’s rooting for the fat girl…she wins. This is the dress I imagine her wearing as she kneels down, fighting back tears. (MR Note: It’s also somewhere straitjacket chic. Where be her arms?) Good luck meeting Mr. Right in this one. (MR Note: Your fiance told me she picked this up on Moda Operandi for your engagement party. Sucka.)

Threeasfour

Ya know, I was kinda digging on this snow bunny getup. Jacket’s got a decent puff factor to it, hoods make you look cute sometimes…and hell, it even keeps your vagina in full view…but when you ruin it with an ostomy pouch hanging over either side of your neck it’s kinda hard to stay in the mood. 

  
Chris Benz
 

I tried tackling this one last….I’ve exhausted my creative commentary juice…frankly, this one’s not that bad…is she wearing those pillows as shoes? (MR Note: Pilgrim hats, not just for pilgrims.)

TOODLES! 

One final MR note: I’m not sure if at this point this disclaimer is even necessary but I will include it nonetheless. In an effort to test my own man repelling tendencies, I sent to Sean one of my top five favorite looks from the respective collections photoed above. As it turns out, I’ve still got it. And by it, I mean a proper lonesome labia. (You can peep the sartorial reasons here.)

Happy Presidents Day! Hooray!

REPLIES
  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13129789571999145389 Mihal

    HAHA. This. is. fantastic.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05217705402360866411 Jess
  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16747921195231684047 Francesca

    these are hysterical!!

    xoxo,
    F

    Le Kiss Kiss- Click Here!

  • http://www.theproperorderofthings.com orderofthings

    BAHAHAHhahahaha… the "faint aroma of tuna & chives" might be my favorite… xo

    http://www.theproperorderofthings.com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05882333911932324281 blue roses

    that red marchesa number is delectably ridiculous; note that i would totally, totally rock a slightly more reined in version.

    also, the librarian sweater reminds me of a bit more ludicrous version of some of my man's consignment shoppe grandpa sweaters…. amazing.

    hilarious, as always.

    http://dallianceswithsuitsandskirts.blogspot.com/

  • http://wordbyjessie.com/ wordbyjessie.com

    would definitely say that proenza was the most man repelling. as well as threeasfour. i guess fashion will always have man repelling accents!

    http://www.wordbyjessie.com
    http://www.bloglovin.com/en/blog/2039498/word-by-jessie

    xxjj

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04925982219825479559 Monroe Steele

    Haaaa is is Fing hilarious. Such a great post. You are too funny. I love your blog!

    xoxo Monroe

    Fashion Steele NYC

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01514627554329642237 Vasilieva

    nice selection of looks and the colours are just great

    http://elenavasilieva.blogspot.com/
    x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14227790770455857624 The Fancy Teacup

    Such hilarious commentary. Loved the one about the Suno collection being equated to a kitchenette.

    http://www.TheFancyTeacup.com
    much love.

  • Lauren Helen

    Brilliant :)

  • http://www.fashionslap.me kate

    LOL Who celebrates presidents day? Besides the white house. Anywho I can say not a bad post, but I think you need to see photos from the Charlie Le Mindu show I think you would wet yourself over all the head pieces and layers. Personally I love what LOVE magazine tweeted about it haha. Look it up it's great.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05345225002773583958 My Style Canvas

    Ha I have to say the man's point of view wasn't exactly surprising. I agree with pretty much everything he said.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02756585515065845268 Aubrey and Melissa

    I have to be honest, when most people post I don't read the whole way through but I sucked up every word of this. Well written and referenced, he and you are very, very funny.

  • Amanda

    This post is perfect, its really great to be reminded what Man Repeller really means, not that I need reminding I guess, three turbans a over sized fur jacket and dolce vita shoes so tall I could tower over two dates is a great daily boost to the Man Repellers self esteem. The more worried he looks when he sees you the better you did in my book. THANK YOU.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09018752871250031380 Llara

    It's all about the Suno review for me. For sure. Here's some ellipses for you…consider them a gift…

  • Anonymous

    Geez! I guess your friend really doesn't like 'fat'people! Super cool.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10239424501972826047 Elettra

    LOL, your posts are always super-funny, but this one, weel this one is totally hilarious!! :D

    http://whatsgoingonmymind.blogspot.com

  • Anonymous

    Woulda been better without the "MR Notes" everywhere. Made it a pain to read and didn't really add anything.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03401686887977484323 Man Repeller

    @anonymous <3 love you too <3

  • Anonymous

    one of my favorite posts to date. x0

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16324112170713133570 E N T R O P I F I C U S

    Did not absorb any of the anti-MR advice from the Suno section. Need that entire outfit, especially the platform shoes ( ̄□ ̄)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09930546164482516723 That Normal Girl

    HAHAHAH i read the whole thing, man he should be a guest more often!

  • http://www.therealmeangirl.com MG

    I must have the Anna Sui kitty hat!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14764886473584557512 Olga Turka

    AMAZING!!! tooooo funny, seriously laughing out loud! u should have this dude write often! maybe even u guys both fill out the same survey with questions like "describe your definition of the sexiest outfit on a woman?" "what's your idea of a romantic evening?"…and stuff like that. I'm already laughing!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12787020731788470132 maybe yesterday

    good call on your friend doing commentary…can't get enough of fashion week humor, especially from a man.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08786262617809630193 FaceySarah

    You're too hilarious!

  • Anonymous

    LOL

  • Anonymous

    you are getting really desperate for stuff to put on your blog! I used to like you, now you are so not funny

  • Anonymous

    This is fantastic! And I would LOVE to see the rest of that poem in a post!!

  • Anonymous

    I don't like this guy. He's somewhat mean-spirited. You're way better at this!!!!!! Don't let other people toy with your craft. You're my favorite! He left a poor taste in my mouth, especially with that yeshiva/blonde comment. Ouch!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01651647627614180006 Queen of Mayhem

    Who DOESN'T want a creepy fuzzy looking cat on their head? I loved VPL, OMG.

    http://www.queenofmayhem.com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08828653300004623263 Kaila
  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17271592943006701657 La Vrai(e) Charlotte
  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12347329353442093349 crystal glamour

    love Prabal Gurung, Marchesa and Threeasfour

    swatch international giveaway:
    http://pinklemonincrystal.blogspot.com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12236477220760245058 Are you sitting comfortably … ?

    Your blog is hilarious and brilliant, I love it!

  • http://passionlessfashion.wordpress.com/ passionlessfashionistas

    great post, and great man comments! i like the format; i would love to hear you know, regular-man-on-the-street reactions. much like turban-bullet shooting necklace guns and man-nabbing man repellers, something to look into.

    cheers!
    http://passionlessfashion.wordpress.com

  • http://fashionmachinist.blogspot.com J.

    I love EACH ONE OF YOUR POSTS! I wish I could be a complete Man Repeller :(

    XX

    http://fashionmachinist.blogspot.com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11519884084613665286 Ashley

    i want the cat hat!!!!

    http://www.postmodernrunway.com/

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04205969868460813332 sarah

    Love the comment above "nice selection of looks and the colours are just great" lmao! hahaha oh man.. this was by far one of the funniest things i've ever read. good stuff, good stuff.

    sarah
    http://www.speakmylanguages.blogspot.com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18334111093161852235 Eva

    I just discovered your blog, and I am totally digging it! I knew that I didn't dress to be sexy but to be interesting and to keep myself from getting bored…but you've made me realize that I am a total man repeller !!! Great post!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12506090388820851232 Sabine from SAT

    that Chris Benz outfit is too Yohji Yamamoto…
    autumn- winter 2006!
    http://jemappellesabine.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.thefashionbookstore.com/ Fashion Magazines

    I love your running commentary!

  • http://www.louisvuittonoutlets-uk.org.uk louis vuitton

    If you have enough leisure time, you may go to the mall or go to the Louis Vuitton franchised store to have a good look at varieties of louis vuitton uk the diverse styles and rich colors of the purses with low cost will surely impress you a lot! in fact, Louis Vuitton is one of the most famous fashion design master.he opened the fist suitcase shop called after his name. Looking for a Louis Vuitton outlet and don't know where they are? The easiest way is to enter here. That simple and you definitely will never be disappointed.

  • http://www.coachoutletonlinecoachsell.com coach factory outlet

    Coach Outlet Online is your smart choice when you want to get the discount Coach accessory. You can find the exact Coach Bags and other accessory you want at a low price that's right for you. My dear friends, let the Coach Outlet Online pave your way into the world of high fashion with their ultimate fashion factory. Coach Factory Outlet supplies the newest and most fashionable brand Coach on sale.The more Coach shoulder bags you order, the more discount you will get. customers are not only interested in handbags and purses, but also fond of?shoes and jewelry which is sold at the coach outlet.

  • http://www.coachoutlet-coachonlinestore.com coach outlet store online

    discount coach handbags, leaders and affordable for the American luxury brand known to create attractive designer coach outlet online store and accessories. During the traditional and popular perfect balance.our coach outlet online offer your high quality coach outlet store online and coach sunglasses. Orders Over $100 Free Shipping. At the Coach Outlet Online Store, quality products and satisfying service are provided;High safety and prompt delivery is guaranteed.

  • http://www.coachfactoryoutletonlineto.com coach factory online

    Mainly because products are rattling straight forward, locomotion, to see our own elements connected with Coach Factory Outlet you can actually just make an effort to accomplish without this. Coach Factory Online, a place you can find goods only belong to you. Excellent quality, reasonable price, fast delivery…there is everything that you expect to find. coach factory outlet online featured with stylish leather bags and signature materials, and carry this bag, it can designate people seem to be captivatingly feminine and good-looking. Why not to buy one when it is at an affordable price?

  • http://www.coachoutletonlineguy.com coach outlet

    It's wonderful to find out it does not slip in your signature at the bottom of the case and the appearance of brass accents from coach outlet online, Because women who can look stylish this summer.Coach New Signature BackPack Black Beige is a useful backpack for outdoors activities. It's convenient that you can freely take along with for travel,climbing and go for school.In our coach outlet,there are many graceful styles of Coach backpack for you.

  • http://www.newelena.com Elena a

    Loved that fluffy white,seems diy handbag starp in some of them !!kidding