Staying Single: A Lesson in Mixing Prints
As successful man repellers, it’s no big secret that we have to double, triple, quintuple as several different things. On the roster: birth control (you just let me know when you’re sick of reading this one,) animated Disney characters, grizzly bears, Mr. Peanut, men, and most recently: mixologists.
Yes it’s right, we are sartorial bartenders. While we’re certainly not concocting cocktails (get it? Get it?) we are combining prints. Lots of them. Some people are afraid to push the proverbial envelope on this trend, but I’m here to confirm that even if stripes and leopard print are already fixtures to your outfit, it doesn’t mean you can’t add a little somethin’ somethin’ floral. Remember The Man Repeller #1 Rule of Thumb: more is more.
Dizzy eyes, warm heart. You can’t lose. And without further adieu, (I fear you aren’t quite listening,) I bring you a step by step photo tutorial.
Step 1: Start with what could be a man-getter. Including Pink-Floyd-inspired-prisms on your bodycon mini may already reveal a small bit about your personal style. As in, you love to trip on acid…I’m obviously kidding, drugs are bad. (See that, moms. I’m a great influence on your children.) Giggles, optional. Though you may not be able to help it because by the end of this day, you know you’ll be deflecting weenies far and wide.
UPDATE FROM READER RAE’S BOYFRIEND: Do note the direction in which the arrows on my skirt are pointing. It’s like the garment is begging to turn this here labia into a yay-bia. Unfortunately, today won’t be that day. We’re on our way to isolation.
Step 2: Layer an extravagant button up over your white tank. The fluorescent bright shapes on the blouse happen to compliment well the muted hues of color on the skirt. See that? There’s nothing to be afraid of. Except of course, of forfeiting your L2F. But there’s some beauty in that too.
Step 3: Add a bow tie. While this step is optional, you know how hard I love me them lady bowners. Unfortunately, on the day of this shoot, I hadn’t this printed bow tie yet, otherwise I would have been on that shit like paisley on bedspread.
Step 4: I will often if not always suggest you add a printed cropped sweater, this makes the multi-layers of pattern more easily comprehensible…but only among us man repellers. The weenis baring human life in the virtual room lost us at “blouse: D&G.;”
Step 5: Accessorize! You didn’t think I was going to dismiss the opportunity to integrate leopard print into the outfit, right? I paired my fur cuffs with two super sweet gold rings to make this among the most perfect photos of print mixing to ever surface in the history of mankind.
And finally, the shoes. Before I reveal the photo though, I must include a disclaimer. The icing on this fancy cake would have been the below pair of Missoni purple knee high socks.
Unfortunately though, they were in the laundry, as I had worn them the day earlier with a pair of blue and green plaid trouser pants. So…
Step 6: Compliment your leopard print cuffs with leopard print shoes! Give Tyra Banks a run for her smeyez. For maximum repelling potential I will of course suggest you time your laundry cycles better so you have purple socks to wear with your jungle animals.
In any case, go forth now, newly initiated mixologists and try your hand at some print mixing. Share your photos and do tell of your tales!