Spring Couture: Will the Men Dispatch?

by Leandra Medine
January 27, 2011
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Yes. Obviously they will. You didn’t need me to answer that.

While it must be said, Elie Saab’s couture collection really tugged at my heart strings in the same way, say, Oscar de la Renta’s perpetual bridal collections do, no matter how much tugging those collections will do, nothing can steal my heart the way Jean Paul Gaultier’s mohawks and Valentino’s vaginas can. And this is the The Man Repeller so we’re not going to talk sleek silhouettes and gowns, we’re going to talk phallic symbols, sequins, warriors, penguins, bedspreads…things of that sort.

To kick us off, let’s look to Chanel. Several themes ran through this particular couture collection.

On the one hand, several looks suggested “moving supplies chic,” cue the bubble wrap at left and the cotton balls lining the maxi skirt–or is it a dress–at right.

Conversely, other looks blended together to create a story that may or may not have taken inspiration from Ariel the Mermaid and her friends under the sea. The gown at center experienced something of a time warp and traveled back to the 70s while still maintaining it’s ocean flair. Well done.

And finally, perhaps of my favorite of Lagerfeld’s looks, I call this one straitjacket chic. Girlfriend is going to one fancy mental asylum in that sequin adored number.

On to Valentino, we recognize and appreciate the copious vaginal references incorporated into several of the looks.

If the look at right doesn’t scream there is a vagina sitting at the end of my plunging neckline, I don’t know what does.

After all the labial references incorporated into the looks, it was hard to gear my mind’s attention else where.

So when these two looks came strutting, I didn’t think “oh, teal feathers!” I thought: unkempt lady bits with illness. And instead of thinking “nice incorporation of the classic Valentino red” I thought, menstruation cycle. And that right there, boys and girls, depicts a prime example of verbal man repelling. 

And the gowns, oh the gowns. Holy lady boner meets the Victorian era.

At Christian Dior, my jaw experienced permanent drop. John Galliano and I have so much in common:

Doesn’t this photo just say it all?

The themes running through his show were more along the lines of decorative bed-comforter in the form of shapeless-dress.

And there was, of course, a little bit of vagina into this collection too.

To the left, we have bold shoulder pads with black cracklings running through them. Vaginal? I say yes. And you? To the right, we have a lovely gown, and while Dior couture conquers all, you can get the look for less with this Camilla & Marc number.

Givenchy’s color coded Vikings in formal wear stole the show. 

See what I mean? Sorry, girlfriend. Not even an exposed nipple can save this one.

I also really appreciated that the model forfeited proper use of her arms for the sake of couture. That’s commitment.

Rainbow!

And last but not least, we look at a collection that would make our lady love Rupaul obscenely proud: Jean Paul Gaultier.

Because there were so many Repellerlicious looks, editing down this collection to include only my favorites was exceedingly difficult. The two above, however, made the cut for best use of feathers in head gear and cool tulle dress trim.

You should know by now that I love a good mullet dress. These, however, really took the man-repelling cake. As it happens with a plain old mullet dress, the front portion of the garment reveals some o’your sexy leg. JPG wouldn’t let that happen though, oh no. 

Here’s to extraneous fabric. 

And in the gown department, from left: A Flamenco inspired wedding cake. Infinite layers of black white equipped with one fancy neck-chain. And finally, the tie-dye dress o’my dreams.

Talk about a grandiose exit. Things that look like vaginas? Perhaps. An actual vagina? Oh. Yes.

All images are via Style.com.
For Back to the Future fashion, I do recommend a look at Armani Prive, too. He did me proud.

REPLIES
  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02783936055443251418 The Haute Hoosier

    THIS IS AMAZING! Wow, just wow. PS, how do you do side by side pics in blogger? I've never been able to figure this out!!!

    http://www.thehautehoosier.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03401686887977484323 Man Repeller

    @thehautehoosier screenshots!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10131621380855272025 Liz

    The Galliano dresses remind me a lot of the fashion show scene in the classic movie, "The Muppet Capers"

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12721489174660426272 Fashion Intel

    Nothing beats the Givenchy. Man, that rules so hard.

  • http://wunderkind.blogg.no Maja

    …and just for the extra touch of man repelling; show that first picture from the Gaultier collection of the model in the white, tulle insanity to a guy. Ask him if he thinks the model is pretty. Even ask him if he'd bone the model without her Man Repelling gear on. And then, only after having asked these oh-so-vital questions, reveal to him that said model is actually a 19-year old GUY named Andrej. HAH! The ultimate in boner-slaying – androgyny.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09633842358616647367 Marissa Joye Peden

    Just spit my coffee out. Thank you for making my morning. Keep it up.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16802644295099928921 Sarah Dee

    That kick at the end is impressive!!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09761164629168817127 sarah zoo

    stray jacket= strait jacket?

    or this is a pun that i missed? I want to adopt it :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07689469413993059801 xoxo073

    dude givenchy's gowns r c thru!!!!!

  • Anonymous

    ok, my favorite couture round up so far NO QUESTION!!!!

  • http://fashionslap.net/ fashionslap.net

    The last photo is actually rather cool. I love the leg effects. Two things I think men designers have vagina envy or something it's the only way to explain this or it's a subconcious pull to get straight men to like the collection because they don't see the vagina and men are often attracted to things that resemble a vagina, what can I say I read way too much.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00207083711507978637 Eugenia Woods

    I love the Givenchy collection!!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15559919624970979030 Ariana

    "unkempt lady bits with illness"…

    you slay me!!

    you need to add the 'share on facebook' button to eliminate unnecessary steps for me everyday!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00950123284698606074 Death By Shoe

    Bahaha agreed on the massive amounts of vag in some of these collections. My personal favorite is the first Chanel photo – reminds me of Dexter's kill room.

    -Danielle

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06360704042737728543 Brie Gershwin

    This post is hilarious. Im totally inspired.I adore your take on the chanel collection. You made my day.

    xoxo new follower/15yr old manrepeller

    http://www.emmaspicnic.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05345225002773583958 Sabina

    Good choices–all very repelling indeed. And I was thinking the same thing about the bubble wrap!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17391535552942251884 Michelle

    I can tell I'm becoming more of a repeller because I seriously love every thing in this post. Especially the cotton ball maxi skirt/dress at the top and the garland tulle trim. I feel like the boys will stay a comfortable 30 years away.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17391535552942251884 Michelle

    aww eff i meant 30 yards. maybe its 30 years til I have sex.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10329436984485394599 Abby

    I just have to say…this is my FAVORITE blog!!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13727162698483499198 Mina

    - i'll vote for you, love your blog

    http://alabasterlover.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16747921195231684047 Francesca

    haha amazing!

    xoxo,
    F

    Le Kiss Kiss- Click Here!

  • Anonymous

    Great summary on the new haute designs! Go girlie!!! ▸ http://bit.ly/hautebay , LvDx

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09739251167444138491 Fashion Agony

    Love this post, great job!

    xoxo
    http://fashionagony.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10668605590127000331 toriikoko

    HA! the best couture round up ! btw my vote's on you, most original, you are indeed. GOod luck!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08395658378025475500 Bigio

    Great post! I really like Valentino and Givenchy collections!

    http://www.thebigiofactor.blogspot.com

  • http://thewickedmonkey.livejournal.com/ thewickedmonkey

    In that first picture for Jean Paul Gaultier…the model is a man =]

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09102820419202018332 wale

    ahahahaha, great post, as always!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02067489300055344841 lasophia

    And to think, all of these years I could have been wearing my vagina! Silly me, I was just sitting on it!

    Sophia
    http://lasophialasophia.blogspot.com

  • Alexandra
  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00310931556911601009 Pearl Westwood

    Funny how Galiano is looking so much like Prince!

  • http://whichisgood.wordpress.com/ whichisgood

    The mullet dress is by design a big metaphor of our lady parts, gaping, with the legs acting then as phallic symbol. A true walking coitus representation, how glam is that?
    But to me the killing detail is the chain thing in the dress on the right, like a not-so-subtle way to remind you that actual lady parts are in check.
    I cry: hot!
    http://whichisgood.wordpress.com/

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07158321524378092859 Lisa

    And again, a lovely post.

    Love,
    foreignfashion.blogspot.com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10239424501972826047 Elettra

    Ahah, the last pics, amazing! :)

    http://whatsgoingonmymind.blogspot.com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06558370496275790584 Lizette

    Hilarious! Love your blog!

    http://bebopandbo.blogspot.com

  • Ally

    I guess Natalie Portman wearing the 3rd Givenchy dress to the Oscars would be a little too on-the-nose?

    I think with the whole collection, someone looked at this and said, these are too refined and beautiful. Whip out the lining and slap some oversized Viking hats on those girls! Anything to keep the blasé editrixes awake!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14855347808005799726 Matt B.

    wonderful post, i just died!

    http://www.thepoulpe.com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01034419628438916276 serenissima

    o.m.g. that last pic? if thats not a vagina in a dress, i dont know what is

    http://sartorialme.blogspot.com

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08796491435997036858 Cupcake

    OMG honesty! I think you should rename this the vagina post.
    Cupcake
    http://www.fashion-tarts.blogspot.com

  • Anonymous

    "unkept ladybits with illness" – genius, reminds me of some particularly uncomfortable photos from my human sexuality textbook..

    The last JPG picture… 'vagina dentata' anyone?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10784551885561431730 Bellishment

    Hilarious – I often use the term "vagina" to refer to clothes/bags with ruffles…I guess there's something to Freud's opinion that women use handbags to represent their vayjays.

    Em
    check it ouuuutttt http://bellishment.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00960588123348730794 Kendal

    I don't mean to get all mushy, but your blog inspires me so much. Yor humor and constant references to vaginas always are cracking me up. And your man repeller style is proof that you don't have to be in the sexiest dress to be beautiful-and the best beauty is inside. Wow, this got so much more cheesy then I wanted it to. But thanks, and keep up the good vagina referencing work!

    -Kendal

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17486147958211746138 Samantha Lui

    AHAHAHAHAA Great post once again….

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07402619672119377705 Villedela

    Loaded post and amazing final photo… who thinks of this stuff?

  • Anonymous

    Everything you say is true!! thumbs up to you!

  • Hannah

    btw, the sheer horizontal stripe number is worn by a dude…a penis that can't be repelled it seems.

  • http://www.itchair.com/seo-services/ SEO services

    Well, I was really busy last fashion season and didn't see this…glad I didn't miss much. ;)

  • umar

    elegant, menginspirasi… http://umarilmi.blogspot.com

  • Rino Wijaya

    Ask him if he thinks the model is pretty. http://udarino.com/

  • http://tatery.com can ho

    Very nice collection, I love this style very much.
    Can Ho

  • David S

    Cool stuff…nice images. http://www.estatesofcarmel.com/