I love animated movies just as much as the next overgrown kid, they really get the wheels of my brain turning and while my questions remain unanswered, they’re still valuable. See below:
Why didn’t Cinderella’s glass slipper ever break? That shit is glass.
Why does everyone slip Sleeping Beauty’s sleeping pill addiction under the rug?
Did the screen writers of Bambi have no souls? Who kills a baby deer’s mommy?
When I’m not philosophizing about the state of these animated characters however, I am making life-changing, groundbreaking hypotheses
that have been outrageously over-exhausted. Today’s theory reads like this: fashion imitates Disney. Don’t believe me? That is dumb. That is really dumb. I’m about to substantiate my theory with photos.
Rodarte S/S 2011 x DKNY F/W 2010 =
Poor little orphaned Bambi.
VPL’s Spring/Summer 2011 collection evoked immediate thoughts of harnesses and unkempt lady bits.
Delving deeper than the initial perverted references however, there is a certain…hierarchy present.
This is another example of heartless Disney screenwriters leaving little baby animal sans parent.
He always was my favorite of the dwarfs, partly because of how well he nails trends. Here’s to the perfect shade of burnt orange. And If I didn’t know better…I’d have thought his sunnies were Karen Walker.
Taking a peek below the ankle:
We look to Prada’s infamous S/S 2010 glass slippers. Made in plastic because, you know, in the real world…glass breaks. And look, I’m not one to judge but girlfriend on the right should probably cut her toenails.
See what I mean? Which do you prefer?
Gareth Pugh, Giambattisa Valli, Chanel, Louis Vuitton and Jil Sander
…took their respective Spring styling cues from none other than everyone’s favorite Loony Tune and hunk the skunk.
Oh, Pepe. I like you because you speak French.
Lanvin for H&M;’s collection caused quite the stir. But while you were all swooning the familiar silhouettes that would finally become attainable, I was lady-boning at the Donald Duck inspired nature of the bold yellows brought forward.
…I know what your wise-ass is thinking: “But Man Repeller, DD is a sailor.”
Never underestimate me, though. Behold: Christian Dior S/S 2011 filling in the missing props.
This image in turn got me thinking beyond the characters of Disney.
Pop-Eye was a reputable sailor too, ya know. And he advocated the consumption of spinach.
Then I thought about my Saturday mornings.
And while yes, it’s true: I wake up every Saturday, thinking about Jil Sander’s S/S 2011 runway collection, it’s because said collection reminded me of…
PEPPER-ANN! She’s my real style icon. I’ve tried to get my hair to do that boner thing on many an occasion, it just won’t.
Though providing an image from Gucci’s S/S 2011 collection may negate what I am about to say, I will say it anyway:
Here’s to a time when Barney provoked not images of Dries van Noten prints, outrageously high Pierre Hardy heels and sweet, sweet Alaia silhouettes but rather, an over-sized purple dinosaur singing songs of love, hugs, kisses and drugs.
…And he plays the trombone! What a talented fellow.
While I don’t necessarily know how to play the trombone, I know a thing or two about getting in touch with my inner Dinosaur.
See what I mean?
In conclusion I urge you to go on and be the fanciest Walt Disney product you can be.