It’s been a while since the last installment of From Man Getter to Man Repeller,
so in an effort to remind you fancy flamingos that even the tightest of mini dresses can get in touch with their inner Chloe Sevignys, here’s to a fresh look at my expert tree chopping skills
. (It’s part of the lumberslut job description.)
Before I start: What do you guys think, should I turn my eyebrows into a fur stole?
I call this outfit, “I would never wear this shit in real life but I guess it is a good way to exercise my lady bits-chic.” It should be noted, however, that posing as though I am some sort of uncomfortable fetus trapped in a black hole of bad pick up lines (see: photo at right) may be a man repeller in itself. I bought the shoes in 2007 just before my high school prom. I had a boyfriend at the time which should explain a lot.
You must be wondering how I turned this motherfucker into a mother…celibate. See below.
See! The photo at right is to prove to you skeptical skippers that I’m still wearing the LBD under all the Proenza-esque brocade layers fluffy enough to amount to what has become the material radius our male-counterparts maintain in an effort to sustain our consummation stats.
By adding a combination of military inspired general of the night, brocade renegade, leopard print fur cuffs (!)
and some super counter-functional suede lace-up open-toe booties, I’ve become something of an anomaly.
Proof rests in a little experiment I conducted after the photos were taken. I showed the opposing images to a slew of ten men and asked which respective outfit they found more approachable. Once again, my hypotheses were proven correct when every man who participated in said experiment (except one) chose the former.
Disclaimer: The one man who opted for outfit number two swings for the same team that I do. And we share a love for Rupaul.
And on that note, this is as good a time as any to share with you the latest in fashion trends, behold: the Ex-Boyfriend necklace.
Having former man-friends bottled around our necks may work in our favor. For the masses to assume we have ex-boyfriends makes us pretty reputable and all of sudden completely in control of the decisions we’ve made re: becoming man repellers. Here’s to us!
Ultimately though, my point is to re-approach an old saying I once sayed.
Cock blockers don’t become cock rockers.
But they look cool.
All the time.