New Years Eve Wear 101

Because New Years Eve is but two nights away, I'll offer a small bit right here and now about dressing the part for the occasion. It should be noted though, that in the lookbook of my life, every day is reason to decorate oneself in head-to-toe sequins.

...

Though I suppose on New Years Eve I could offer the prospect of perhaps adding bullets, ballons, spikes and studs. See what I mean? $62 at Shop Nasty Gal

...See what I mean? She don't mess around, sister. $424 at Pixie Market a la Sass & Bide

Now that we've gotten through that rough patch (ba da ba, chhh!) let the shining begin! (Anyone? Anyone?) Tough crowd. 

Because I love you guys so hard, I took the liberty of creating my own version of the Canadian tuxedo, referred to as the New Yearz with a Z tuxedo going forward as there is no denim involved in this particular tuxedo but rather an uncomfortable influx of sequins.
In any case, behold:

A button up blouse a la Elizabeth and James paired with sequined harems by way of Alice + Olivia. You heard that right, Repellers. I said sequined harems and I meant it. Both available at Shopbop.

Those of you on the more experimental side may want to take a peek into Net-a-Porter's closet.

Who knows, you may leave with a feathered merkin (for the uninitiated: a merkin is a pubic wig. Pubic wig, I tell ya. Pubic,) stapled to a sequined mini skirt and really, who would say no to a merkin.  
Lady Aldridge, I hope you're reading. $495 at NET-A-PORTER.

Now, that was a lot to absorb. You may be scratching your head. That in turn may force you to start thinking about what you will wear on said head. I've got you covered.

Goodbye "Happy New Year" crown, hello sequined turband! Well, not a sequined turband per se, but the possibility is there and the price is nice. Its been reduced from $65 to $20. So, a $20 headband that may double as a sequined turban. Could you ask for more? No, the answer to that is a big fat no. $19.50 at The Outnet.

At Shop the Far Out, I found a tight mini skirt sans pubic wig that you may want to slip into come Friday night should you want to fornicate. Despite its sparkly nature, it truly may in fact kick start the mating process.

Easy access zipper, eh? eh? I just hope you're not wearing your hairy panties...though if you've gotten vajazzled, I toterly understand. New Years Eve is a sparkle shit show, after all.  
$98 at Shop The Far Out

If however, painting sequins to your body just ain't yo'thang, I understand. Find here, the Alpha Male of Man Repelling fashions.

If you're not into using restrooms, this is an ideal place to store your bowel movements. And at $58, it's steal of the century. Get yours here.

If you decide to take that plunge and lose contact with the contents of your nether region a la drop crotch pantaloonys, you will need this ring.

Because, you know, everyone should kiss something at Midnight. $44 at Shop Nasty Gal.

And finally, you may be wondering what I'll be wearing...
Here she is: sweet Stella in all her glory.

Palazzo-panted unitard a la Stella McCartney from The Outnet.
And for outerwear: a silver Rag & Bone blazer tuxedo blazer, duh.

I know what you're wondering but you are wrong, I will in fact wear my head out come NYE.

Cheers to us, fellow Repellows and here's to one more year of celibacy, sartorial freedom, and Proenza Schouler.

The Man Repeller Takes it to Facebook

Go on: clicky, clicky. Likey, likey. Become a fan-cy flamingo by joining the Facebook tribe here!

DIY A Cocktail Dress

Here's the funny thing about this DIY: While yes, you will be making a cocktail dress, there will be no cock in your proximity. There will, however be loads o'tail. Let's continue.

Last May when Joy Bryant wore a Marchesa gown to the CFDA awards, I eloquently proclaimed, "puff sleeves make the peen go down." This school of thought still holds true.

 image via WWD

Ultimately, I blame Giambattista Valli and Marchesa for bringing back the 80s sleeve but in today's installment of Do It Yourself Fashions, we look to the budget conscious weener fenders at H&M. 
Behold: Forty nine dollars and fifty cents of glory.

image via Handheld Device

I saw the sleeves, I saw the sequins, and in an excited slur I thought, "holy man repeller, I have to have you." So much so, I didn't even have time to properly take off my jeans. I tweeted this photo about two months ago and in that moment, I was going to meet a man friend. He texted me and said "I saw your tweet, please tell me that's not what you're wearing. If it is, I'm canceling dinner tonight."

I wasn't wearing it and so he was relieved...but then I showed up wearing this!

tee: Topshop, skirt: Zara, shoes: YSL

Add a military jacket and watch an Amish flair meet the Jew within. Sorry, sucka. Joke was on you.

Back to the DIY. Yes sure, the dress is a Man Repeller as it is, "a cry for attention," if you will. Even so though, the body is tight and that shit is mini. So I ask you this: why bare your legs and risk the potential of attracting a man when you can turn the little party dress into celibacy inducing formal wear? All you'll need is a few layers of black chiffon (and a sewing machine.)

And then...voila!

rings by YSL and TOMTOM, shoes by Valentino, all photos by Chuck Grant

Like I always say, just add birth control glasses.
...and a leopard print bench. You know, for dramatic effect.

I conclude saying this: it's possible to get cocktail ready without compromising your inherent affinity for deterring the c-word, I couldn't say it again, I just couldn't, so get a little fancy this New Years Eve.


Happy man-hunting! 

Psych!

Who Wore it Best: Paisley Prints

It's no surprise that mixing bold prints is one the latest and greatest in dick deflecting fashion trends and so, as Man Repellers, it's our job to exploit, ridicule and engage in the the excessive nature of said trend. 

 image via Refinery 29

That said, this installment of Who Wore it Best has not much to do with the above tidbit but rather draws inspiration from a bed side trend, if you know what I'm saying.

Oh, you don't? To quote the very eloquent Antoine Dodson, You are so dumb. You are REALLY dumb.

In any case, here's a photo of me posing like a baby fetus.

image via Chuck Grant, blouse: Chanel, jeans: J Brand, shoes: Miu Miu

Oh, look at me, I'm a baby fetus leaning on my inner shins! Do inner shins exist? Did I just make up a body part? I slay myself. 

In case you haven't noticed, I'm deliberately wearing my paisley print top against a Persian rug with leopard print heels (and my temple topper) to really exaggerate the print concoction present. Dig deep inside yourselves now, fellow repellows, and tell me: who am I emulating?

Who?
...
or What?
....
Have you figured it out?
.....
How about now?
....
Are you ready to meet the contestant up against me?
...
Is the anticipation starting to kill you?
....
This may or may not result in one very anti climactic moment.
.....
Ready?
....
Okay...
...
Here he is:

A paisley print bed spread!

This is not my bed, nor does it belong to any of my family members or friends. I feel like a BED INTRUDER having pulled it off a random website, talk about an invasion of privacy, but I love you guys, so, I'm willing to invade privacy to induce even the littlest smirk from you hunks. 

And now back to the initial question, who wore it best?

Image via Naomi Shon

I should let you know, by the way, that this Chanel blouse is vintage...so vintage it's from ruling era of Coco, herself.

About two years ago my great grandmother asked my mom to help her convert addresses from one phone book to another and in return, she offered her this blouse. My mom then offered it to me because I threatened to punch her if she didn't.

Ultimately, I wanted to act as camouflage with my mother's bed spread and thought it would be a good experiment in learning to blend in. 

So tell us, fellow Repellows, WHO WORE IT BEST?

Here's to a Different Kind of Mullet

image via Fast Fancy Dress. You had me at fancy.

If you followed me on twitter, you'd know that I often tweet one liners like, "give me a mullet and I will wear it." What you wouldn't know though, is that contrary to what the above photo may suggest, I'm not necessarily talking about a mullet for my head. I am however, growing a goatee out.

The mullet is versatile and evokes many an optical illusion because of its' dual nature: business in the front, party in the back. And while in the traditional sense of the word, it refers to one very elegant hairdo--I urge each and everyone of you to try it out, send your photos, and tell of your human repelling tales--because I am the Man Repeller, I've turned it into something more distinctly sartorial, a good way to preserve your virginity if you will.

Some of the innovative comparisons are more obvious, like the mullet dress.

Lily Donaldson in Emilio Pucci, Spring/Summer 2010

You see, just like a mullet: short in the front...long in the back. I'd argue that is more of a dyslexic mullet, though. Note the inherent business in the back, party in the front feel to it.

Other comparisons, however are more discreet. 
Here, I share with you a very different kind of mullet. One that has nothing to do with hair. Or your head. Or different lengths of hair on said head. Or dress. It likely can't actually be identified as a mullet but since this is my blog I can paint it any color I want and today I choose to paint it a confused hue of heather gray. 

Sweater: Alexander Wang, Necklace: TOMTOM, Trousers: Kimberly Taylor, Booties: Opening Ceremony

Feast your eyes on the grandpa sweater of all grandpa sweaters a la Alejandro no Wang. Tell me you love my buttons, smile at my tired eyes and take your attention back to the silent mullet.  
...Grandpa in the front...

...Attacked by a vicious wolverine in the back!
 See that? See that? A different kind of mullet. A silent one. With super slashing powers.

Speaking of slashing, this could, by the way, also make for a great DIY titled Slashin' in Fashion. I'd suggest you use the edges of a very sharp necklace, one not unlike mine, to add a little zest to the nature of your DIY.

And back to the sweater, here's a look at the front and back against each other:

 all images via Naomi Shon

I know what you're thinking and yes, I've had those moles checked out.

Just kidding, you were thinking, "but Man Repeller, I can see your whole back, that won't sink the banana boat," right? Wrong. That lace American Apparel bra is the innerwear equivalent of floral print tencel drop crotch capris adorned by excessive Mongolian fur, pony-hair and smoked Gouda cheese. 

Holiday Gifitng: The MR Wishlist

Reading Milk & Mode's gifting guide last week, I remembered something my father taught me when I was but a baby fetus buying my best friend the yellow Power Ranger action figure for her birthday because there was only one pink left at Toys R Us, and that pink was mine. "Man Repeller," he said, "Don't give gifts that you yourself wouldn't want to receive." It was like a less-biblical inspired proverb driven straight from the Five Books of Moses, or shall I say: Marni.

In any case, because today is my barfday, I figured this week's installment of Holiday Gifting would take a cue from Narcissus. Behold: an extensive list of things every Man Repeller should ask for this holiday season.

Narcissus comes in here: because I am the model Man Repeller, the transitive property of geometry suggests that this list is in fact a list of things I will ask for, right here and now.

And so, fellow repellows, things that look like vaginas, right this way!
Just kidding.
A little.

1. Hermes Collier de Chien

The mother of all jewels that resemble violent weapons, I give you the Hermes Collier de Chien. Think of it as a chastity bracelet. $1,050 at Hermes.

2. Skeletal X-Ray Thigh Highs

Because when I tell you that I love your bones, I want to mean it. $24.00 at Shop Nasty Gal

...And on an unrelated but equally Bone-y note:
3. Rag & Bone Camouflage Harem Trousers

 We Rag, therefore we don't Bone. Here's to fatigue harem pants. $290 at Shopbop.

4. Thakoon Shearling Wedges

Mary had a little lamb, and that lamb fell into the wrong hands. Things that look like unkempt lady bits, rejoice! $788 at La Garconne.

5. Unicorn On A Stick

To evoke the feeling that perhaps some magic happens in the crevices of our thighs, eh?

6. NuvaRing

 Sue me, okay? I'd like to know what it feels like to own a contraceptive not by Alexander Wang. 

7. Fur Throw Pillow

While you can opt for any type of fur, I suggest you go with leopard print. You know, to match your insides. Adrienne Landau throw pillows, at Barneys.

8. Proenza Schouler PS1

I thought about a good way to combine my inherent love for Mexicans and Play Station 1. Proenza Schouler's PS1 in Mochilla weaving did the trickidy tricktrack. $1825 at Barneys.

9. Tickets to the upcoming Prince concert

It's the only time it is ever socially acceptable to wear sunglasses in doors, proudly let your face-lift and freak flag fly. 

10. Pencey Cut-out Mini Dress

Because even the most chronic offender needs a little party dress. $436 at Shopbop.
...You can pair it with shoes that look like hamsters, I promise.

And one for good luck:
#11. It's Time to Invest in a Flannel Blanket
Because that blanket will function as:
A. A Scarf

B. A Poncho

image via Chuck Grant  
Jacket: Veda, Dress: Kimberly Taylor, Shoes: Pierre Hardy for Gap

C. A Skirt

image via Naomi Shon

Jacket: Veda, shoes: YSL

And finally, D. The blanket will most notably function as a Man Repeller, Hipster Propeller.

Happy holidays, ya crazy clogs.

Who Wore it Best: DIY Your Own Paper Margiela

Paper pants and open toe booties: Maison Martin Margiela, image via 5inchandup

While I do often associate crafy DIYing with none other than Erica Domesek of PS I Made This, this installment of Who Wore it Best draws inspiration from the human representation of my mission statement across the pond...Man Repeller's UK Brand Ambassador, if you will. And since I already credited her blog in the above photo, the jig is up. Say hello to Sandra of 5 Inch and Up.

image via 5inchandup

Holy drop crotch onesie and floral Miu Miu clogs, where did you hide your lady bits! ...Fipping through the pages of 5inchandup, several graphic pictures, like the one above, depicted a sincere and severe case of chronic man repelling. Even so, I couldn't stop thinking about the paper goods pictured at top. 

I therefore thought it necessary to deliver a quick three step crash course in DIYing your own paper Margiela, because while yes spending thousands of dollars on paper clothes is fun, making it yourself is funner. With a 'ner.


Step 1: Start with a nude bodycon slip dress.

 Sorry, I had to omit the personal photo, you could see my real life crotch in it. And that is not suitable for work, life, or the MR-savvy eye. In other words, my mom made me do it.

Step 2: Paste (using double sided Scotchtape) five pieces of plain white print paper across your bodycon dress.
















(They're pictured above but you can't see them because they're plain and white, duh. Use your bean.)

And last, Step 3:

image via Chuck Grant

Stand in your kitchen to portray a sense of realness re: the DIY and craftiness components of this fun project. Pair your paper dress with pony heels. Eat almonds if necessary. Don't flash your pearly whites, it's what Margiela would have wanted. 

And finally, ask yourself: Who wore it best?
A. Sandra

B. The Margiela Models

Or C. ME!

image via Chuck Grant

Do note that I double-sided scotch-taped paper to my body and sat on a kitchen counter in a compromising position for you. Stray papers fell off my body. I had to bend down and pick them up. As I picked them up, more papers fell. At one point, my twenty four year old brother came into the kitchen with two friends while papers were sprawled across the floor and I was trying to paste them back. They scratched their heads and turned around. I heard one say "she's getting weirder." I think he meant wonderful.

Basically, what I'm saying is: choose me. After all, I just taught you how to make your own Margiela in the comfort of your own home.
And the lesson learned is grand: all it takes is the contents of one printer and a dream.

On an un-paper related Margiela note: Today in oxymoronic but utterly perfect fashion finds...

Shearling open toe booties on sale! $605 at Shopbop

It's cold outside. Let your toes run free, little ones. 

...And here I go again. Shameless plug alert: Extra! Extra! Read all about me in The New York Times, TODAY. 
Fashion Triumph: Deflecting the Male Gaze 

shoes: YSL, pants: J Brand, feathered t shirt: Pencey, trench vest: Fulton,  photo credit: NYTimes

Fun fact about this photo: While standing between two columns, practicing my second best Mr. Peanut pose, I asked the Times photographer what I could have imagined she was too shy, but overtly interested to know: do you want to pet my feathers?

As suspected, the answer was yes.