Here’s to a Different Kind of Mullet

image via Fast Fancy Dress. You had me at fancy.

If you followed me on twitter, you’d know that I often tweet one liners like, “give me a mullet and I will wear it.” What you wouldn’t know though, is that contrary to what the above photo may suggest, I’m not necessarily talking about a mullet for my head. I am however, growing a goatee out.

The mullet is versatile and evokes many an optical illusion because of its’ dual nature: business in the front, party in the back. And while in the traditional sense of the word, it refers to one very elegant hairdo–I urge each and everyone of you to try it out, send your photos, and tell of your human repelling tales–because I am the Man Repeller, I’ve turned it into something more distinctly sartorial, a good way to preserve your virginity if you will.

Some of the innovative comparisons are more obvious, like the mullet dress.

You see, just like a mullet: short in the front…long in the back. I’d argue that is more of a dyslexic mullet, though. Note the inherent business in the back, party in the front feel to it.

Other comparisons, however are more discreet. 
Here, I share with you a very different kind of mullet. One that has nothing to do with hair. Or your head. Or different lengths of hair on said head. Or dress. It likely can’t actually be identified as a mullet but since this is my blog I can paint it any color I want and today I choose to paint it a confused hue of heather gray. 

Sweater: Alexander Wang, Necklace: TOMTOM, Trousers: Kimberly Taylor, Booties: Opening Ceremony

Feast your eyes on the grandpa sweater of all grandpa sweaters a la Alejandro no Wang. Tell me you love my buttons, smile at my tired eyes and take your attention back to the silent mullet.  
…Grandpa in the front…

…Attacked by a vicious wolverine in the back!
 See that? See that? A different kind of mullet. A silent one. With super slashing powers.

Speaking of slashing, this could, by the way, also make for a great DIY titled Slashin’ in Fashion. I’d suggest you use the edges of a very sharp necklace, one not unlike mine, to add a little zest to the nature of your DIY.

And back to the sweater, here’s a look at the front and back against each other:

 all images via Naomi Shon

I know what you’re thinking and yes, I’ve had those moles checked out.

Just kidding, you were thinking, “but Man Repeller, I can see your whole back, that won’t sink the banana boat,” right? Wrong. That lace American Apparel bra is the innerwear equivalent of floral print tencel drop crotch capris adorned by excessive Mongolian fur, pony-hair and smoked Gouda cheese.