Because New Years Eve is but two nights away, I’ll offer a small bit right here and now about dressing the part for the occasion. It should be noted though, that in the lookbook of my life, every day is reason to decorate oneself in head-to-toe sequins.
Though I suppose on New Years Eve I could offer the prospect of perhaps adding bullets, ballons, spikes and studs. See what I mean? $62 at Shop Nasty Gal
…See what I mean? She don’t mess around, sister. $424 at Pixie Market a la Sass & Bide
Now that we’ve gotten through that rough patch (ba da ba, chhh!) let the shining begin! (Anyone? Anyone?) Tough crowd.
Because I love you guys so hard, I took the liberty of creating my own version of the Canadian tuxedo, referred to as the New Yearz with a Z tuxedo going forward as there is no denim involved in this particular tuxedo but rather an uncomfortable influx of sequins.
In any case, behold:
Those of you on the more experimental side may want to take a peek into Net-a-Porter’s closet.
Who knows, you may leave with a feathered merkin (for the uninitiated: a merkin is a pubic wig. Pubic wig, I tell ya. Pubic,) stapled to a sequined mini skirt and really, who would say no to a merkin.
Lady Aldridge, I hope you’re reading. $495 at NET-A-PORTER.
Now, that was a lot to absorb. You may be scratching your head. That in turn may force you to start thinking about what you will wear on said head. I’ve got you covered.
Goodbye “Happy New Year” crown, hello sequined turband! Well, not a sequined turband per se, but the possibility is there and the price is nice. Its been reduced from $65 to $20. So, a $20 headband that may double as a sequined turban. Could you ask for more? No, the answer to that is a big fat no. $19.50 at The Outnet.
At Shop the Far Out, I found a tight mini skirt sans pubic wig that you may want to slip into come Friday night should you want to fornicate. Despite its sparkly nature, it truly may in fact kick start the mating process.
Easy access zipper, eh? eh? I just hope you’re not wearing your hairy panties…though if you’ve gotten vajazzled, I toterly understand. New Years Eve is a sparkle shit show, after all.
$98 at Shop The Far Out
If however, painting sequins to your body just ain’t yo’thang, I understand. Find here, the Alpha Male of Man Repelling fashions.
If you’re not into using restrooms, this is an ideal place to store your bowel movements. And at $58, it’s steal of the century. Get yours here.
If you decide to take that plunge and lose contact with the contents of your nether region a la drop crotch pantaloonys, you will need this ring.
Because, you know, everyone should kiss something at Midnight. $44 at Shop Nasty Gal.
And finally, you may be wondering what I’ll be wearing…
Here she is: sweet Stella in all her glory.
Palazzo-panted unitard a la Stella McCartney from The Outnet.
And for outerwear: a silver Rag & Bone blazer tuxedo blazer, duh.
I know what you’re wondering but you are wrong, I will in fact wear my head out come NYE.
Cheers to us, fellow Repellows and here’s to one more year of celibacy, sartorial freedom, and Proenza Schouler.