Three Accessories That Will Instantly Desexify Your Look
Now that you’ve become familiar with the concept of man-repelling and the glory that comes with it [not you guys, silly buns, I'm talking to Lucky readers], let’s talk accessories. [Things that look like vaginas] you’d be surprised at how effective a simple scarf, hat or necklace can be in an effort to shield off men. Bonus points for any jewelry accents that resemble violent weaponry. Crazy girl with bullets, table for one.
Below, find three items that will make even the most sultry lingerie at Victoria’s Secret look like sartorial pesticide.
1. A Plaid Poncho
dress: Kimberly Taylor, military jacket: Veda, shoes: Pierre Hardy for Gap, hat: Pendleton, poncho: questionable
Regarding the poncho displayed, questionable is not a brand. This plaid number comes with an anecdote. You see, last year I was in Paris when I walked into a vintage shop in Le Marais and spotted the poncho, that would double as a chunky scarf. It was 8 Euros, 11 US Dollars at the time. Cool, right? Thirfty, right? Wrong. Two weeks later, back in the land of familiar currency, I passed Union Square’s Forever 21 where I saw an enormous rack of my vintage poncho from Paris just sitting around, lonely, selling for $4 a pop. I looked at the label inside my poncho, it was in fact, Heritage 1981. Man Repeller fail.
Sob stories about my incompetent ass aside though, do note that I’ve turned my tight black mini dress into a man repeller. Granted, I added a temple topper to complete the look’s potential but even without the hat, it must be said: I look pretty silly (read: awesome.)
2. A Fur Headdress
Sometimes I fear I may run out of blog material, and then Martin Margiela does something like this. I don’t care if you pair it with a Kim Kardashian for Bebe sequined mini dress with butt pads implanted into the behind, the headdress will send your y-chromosome counterpart running. Fast. After all, you look like a grizzly bear. At $4450, the price is pretty steep, but think about it: you can’t put a price tag on the prospect of having what looks like a live animal chilling at the top of your head. You just can’t. Get yours at SSENCE.
3. Weapons as Jewels
DANNIJO’s Cosima necklace (pictured right) is a particular favorite of mine and that speaks poorly to its ability to impress your man friend. Once while donning Assad Mounser’s moonage daydream necklace (at left,) a man friend asked me, “is the necklace a sign of the pain thats to come? Look at those bullets!” He’s no longer a man friend, just a man. Consider the trend a fashionable way to protect ourselves.
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One last short note from me to you, fellow repellows. Sans Lucky. In the event you have lost your mind and are looking to man get this holiday season…why don’t you try wearing his dick on a chain?
You know what they say, diamonds are a girl’s best friend.